It's snowing!

I don't care if every one of you post about the weather. I'm going to also. I love love love it! This morning I got to snuggle in the bed with my boys since they didn't have school. I got up and made waffles and hot chocolate. I let them play in the snow. They got on the trampoline and I took pictures of them falling on their bottoms. I snuggled with Miles on the couch and he was so loud with excitement. He loved being under the blanket with me while the kids were running around him. He was as happy as could be. I went to the bathroom for a minute and when I came out my brother Charlie and Randy's other worker was in my house emptying my coffee pot. Randy is working on a house just down the street and his guys were freezing so they came to the house for coffee. That was fun. I made another pot and reheated some waffles for them then they left. Then I made a yummy warm lunch for Randy. After lunch I ran to the movie store while Randy rested on the couch and I rented 3 Christmas movies. When I got home I laid the kids down for a nap, and after they wake up we're going to have a Christmas movie marathon. Fun! I'm glad that Texas shuts down with it snows. It's so rare that it should shut down. Hey, I got a personal call from the boys school telling us that the school was not open today. That was neat. I did ask Spencer's teacher if she was up for babysitting but she said no. I told her she could pick 1 to 5 children. I had plans today to find myself a fancy dress for Elliott's party tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow will be better and I will be able to find one then. I do know how I'm going to do my hair. I practised yesterday and I like it. Randy thought it was a little out there, but that's okay.
So, today the snow is wonderful. It's great, but please keep in mind Lord that I need some time to look for a fancy dress. I know I could have already looked for one, but that's not how I roll.

He's So Cute!

Meet Mr. Pumpkin Buns. He's a great friend of ours. He lives on South 11th. Every school morning for the last 2 months we have driven by Mr. Pumpkin Buns house and waved, laughed and clapped about him. The day after we took these pictures we drove by his house and the huge wind storm we had knocked his buns right out of his pants! We laughed so hard! Well, this week his buns were back in and we've been rejoicing! It's good to have him back!

Test Results

The test went great yesterday. You're right Jennifer. I get to do lots of cool things. This was one of the neater ones. I took Miles to the test which was in the Radiology department. They stuffed me into this little space with huge machines on both sides of me. They squished the machines on me so they could get as close to Miles as possible. I had a heavy X-Ray vest on my body, and a X-ray throat choker and I was holding Miles. I could not submit to the claustrophobia that was trying to attack me. I just stayed focus.
There was a man in front of Miles and it was his job to spoon food Miles and to give him a bottle. This man was so kind and gentle. He had a quiet and nice spirit and it put me at ease. They had a tray of food sent from the cafeteria for Miles. It had cottage cheese, pear sauce, chocolate pudding, crumbled hamburger meat, mashed potatoes and a hunk of chicken. I told the guy to stick to the potatoes. He put the Barium in the food and the bottle so the food could be seen on the X-ray video. Quickly the doctor said that his swallow was great and that was the end of the test.
After I got out of the hole they put me in I asked the guy to show me the video. He was so nice. He showed me the video and explained how everything works when you swallow. It was so awesome! I could see Miles whole skeleton from the top of the head to his shoulder in video form. He looked so adorable. I could see his cute little nose and his teeth. It was amazing to see the food work around in his jaw and then move down his throat. It had a cool motion to it. That guy kept rewinding and the playing it again for me. I guess he was amused at my amazement. I was very pleased with his explanations.
I'm so glad the test went well. The only problem is that we still don't know what is causing Miles to reject his food like he does. The technician said the problem is probably lower down in the esophagus or the lower stomach. But, like Randy said, "At least we know there is one thing not wrong with Miles. He can swallow."
It was nice to leave an appointment where everything was normal.

Today a dietitian came over to talk about Miles weight and food with me. He weighs 19 pounds and he is 29 and a half inches long. He's under the 5th percentile for his weight and height. His weight wasn't even on the chart for a 2 year old. He's a small little boy. That shocks me. I thought he was super tall, but I guess because he's so skinny he looks taller than he is. The dietitian said we need to have the goal of him gaining 5 pounds and she didn't give me help on how to get there. I looked back at his baby book and he has been 19 pounds since he was 9 months old. He's just grown taller. So, pray that the Lord will give him a healthy 5 more pounds. I asked Miles if he would take donations, but he didn't answer me.

Swallow Test Today.

Okay, I'm about to take Miles to the swallow test that I wrote about 2 weeks ago. I have to take him in his wheelchair. They will give him Barium (sp?) to drink and then feed him a bottle and spoon feed him while watching a computer screen to see where the food goes when he swallows. They will be checking to see if he is aspirating and I think some other stuff. I think I'm going to be able to watch the screen and see the food go down his throat. How wild it that.

I did it.

Well, I had a good cry, but I'm feeling good.

Knowing that I was going to take Miles into church today in his wheelchair was racing in my mind before bed, while getting my kids ready for church, while doing my makeup, while cleaning out the back of the Suburban to see if the wheelchair fit, and of course on my way to church. On the way there I asked Randy what his thoughts were if any at all about the whole thing. He told me that he hadn't thought about it too much, but when I started to tell him the things that were going on in my head he agreed that he had thought of most of those things.

I think one of the main issues that I was having was that I knew that it might hurt my friends to see Miles in his wheelchair. This really did bother me and bless me. I knew that if the tables were turned and it was a friend of mine that brought their child to church for the first time in a wheelchair that I would be sad for her. My friends have fought, prayed, believed and supported me from day one so I kept thinking about how they would feel today. I know that if I had to watch my dear friend be brave and face the crowd today I would have hurt for her, I wouldn't have known what to say, I would have talked about her when I got in the car with Randy, I would have wanted to give her a hug or wanted to avoid her completely.

Another thing I thought about before I got to church was the reason I was so upset about the whole wheelchair thing. Why was it so upsetting? What does it mean? To me, it felt like I was admitting defeat. Permanent Defeat...No. Just defeat for now. Who likes to admit defeat?

Then of course the "Always a conflict issue." Is this thing that I've sold my life to true? How can it be true if I'm about to take my handicap child into church? In my Bible it says that my God is a healer, but my son cannot do anything on his own. I've now got a wheelchair to prove that he should be able to walk and he can't. Do I look like a contradiction? What in the world is the Lord doing? Can he give me just a taste of the future so I can go into church with my head held high knowing that God is going to rescue me?

On the way there I was doing okay. When we pulled up I couldn't seem to catch my breath. I asked Randy if we could just wait until next week. I didn't want to do it. Diane pulled up beside us and I had no desire to whip out the wheelchair. Randy said we were going to do it. He prayed for me and then went to get it out of the back. As he was getting it out of the back Joey asked me for a piece of gum. (Read Previous Gum Post) I said, "Gum? Yes Gum. I can give you gum. You can have gum. Here help yourself. Have the whole pack. Share with your brother." Joey didn't understand why I was being so generous and he didn't question. He just enjoyed splitting his plunder with Spencer.

I actually felt weak in the knees. I haven't felt that way in...I can't remember. Oh yeah, since my very first BFW. I guess it's that exposed feeling all over again. Well, I made it to the Ushers and got my bulletin. I read it about 17 times before I got to my seat. I can't tell you one thing it said, but I kept looking at it to avoid eye contact.

We got many comments like, "He's so cute." He really is cute in that thing. He was smiling and happy. We got a, "He's mobile now!" I got a couple of hugs and a few, "Cool chair."

We got to our seats with Miles brakes parked and then worship started. The song starts:
Through you the blind will see.
Through you the mute will sing.
Through you the dead will rise.
Through you our hearts will praise.
Through you the darkness flees.
Through you my heart sings I am free.
I am free.
I am free to run.
I am free to dance.
I am free to live for you.
I am free.
I am free.

I said, "Come on Billy you're killing me." Then I cried for the next 45 minutes. All I could do was stand there with perfect posture and weep throughout worship. I silently sang those words to the Lord and told him how broken I felt. One of the songs was I'm coming back to the heart of worship. In the song is says Ill bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear. You're looking into my heart. Today I brought the Lord something more than a song. I was feeling pretty beat up about the way that I was hurting until this song came on. I felt like God was accepting my worship today. It cost me something. It hurt.

So many people came up to me today and just hugged me and encouraged me. It meant a lot. Of course I was over exposed a bit but I didn't care. You know how when you're in the delivery room and at the end of the whole thing you don't care who is in the room? You just are ready to have your baby and your normal modest self just goes out the window? That's how I felt today. I was beyond trying to conceal or act fine. I was hurting and it felt good that I was being loved on. It feels good to not feel invisible. I love that our church body encourages being open. If I had to have it together every Sunday I would not see the point in going. I didn't feel free to dance today but I did feel free to cry. By the way I don't know who brought tissues over to us right away but thanks. I used every square inch of those tissues and they were the good kind that left my face feel oily.

After a couple of songs I thought about leaving. I thought that if I could just get out of there I could try again the next week. I quickly knew this was a bad idea. If I left then next week would be even worse. I can only imagine the torment that I would have during the week. I'm glad I decided to stay.

By the time worship was over I was feeling better. I was ready to listen to the sermon and receive. I did great through the whole thing. Right before communion Kathy came over to Randy and I and said "The Words". These are the words that you should say if people are going through things that are hard. Here they are...I just want you to know that even if you are too tired to pray or to be full of faith that we are still doing it for you. We are so proud of you. We are so proud of you for hanging in there. We are still here for you. But most of all I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you're still having to go through this and that it's still hard. We love you. Those are the words that are so comforting. Those are the things that make me feel loved and encouraged. When she was saying these things she had her hands on us and she was looking at us in the eyes. She was serious and compassionate. After she said those wonderful things she kissed our cheeks. If you could bottle that up and sell it there would be no end to your profits. It's love and understanding.

So of course I lost all composer after that. I had to get up and take communion and we had to wheel Miles up there with us. That was hard. My hands were shaking as I was taking the blood and body of Christ. In my mouth it tasted bitter sweet. That's what today was. It was bitter sweet.

After communion I marched behind Randy and Miles with my head held high and wished I was invisible. I wanted to magically appear in my car and be on my way home. That didn't happen. There was still kids to gather and small talk to be had. When I went to pick up Joey from Children's Church I asked Joey if he wanted to push Miles around. We're trying to make it like a treat to get to push Miles in the wheelchair. I told Randy the other day that we have to allow the kids to play with Miles in that chair. My theory is that if we act like the chair is sterile that the kids will act the same way. If we act like it's fun to push Miles in the wheelchair that it will be fun. So far this has been true. You should have seen Joey push Miles across the gym floor. It was a little scary. I told Randy that Miles is two years old, and 2 year olds get hurt all the time. If Miles gets hurt sometimes when the kids are pushing him then it's just normal. Of course I don't want him to get hurt, but I also want his brothers and sisters to be able to play with him and not feel nervous that they will break him.

One person asked me how I was doing today and I told them that it was been a rough day. When I did make it to the car I felt good about how the day had gone. I felt like I made a big step today. Miles loves the chair and it's great for his body. It's really like he's having physical therapy when he's in the chair. It was made just for him. He's so alert and happy in it that I need to get over my issues so he can enjoy himself more. I feel like today was a success.

In the car you would think that I was totally relieved that I had completed my day, but that wasn't true. I had to go from that whole deal to my next deal. My brother and his wife and my nephew Connor was in town and I had to make them lunch right after church. My nephew is actually 2 weeks younger than Miles. I wanted to crawl in a hole and reset, but that wasn't an option. I had to keep going. Before I could cook I had to stop off the HEB for a few items. Randy and the kids stayed in the car while I went inside. When I walked in there it felt so surreal. The tortilla maker lady smiled big at me like there was not a care in the world. People were passing by me with their lists and carts. I just felt like yelling at the top of my lungs, "HOW CAN ALL OF YOUR LIVES BE SO NORMAL? HOW CAN EVERYTHING AROUND ME BE SO CALM WHEN I FEEL SO EMOTIONAL? DON'T ANY OF YOU KNOW THAT I TOOK MY SON TO CHURCH IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY? WHY HASN'T THE WORLD STOPPED?" Of course I'm glad I didn't didn't do that. I did have an outburst at Thanksgiving dinner that I wish I could take back. (Maybe I will get to that on another post. Remind me if I forget.)
That's how I felt today. My world was upside down and everyone else seemed to be doing normal things. It's a strange feeling. I had to go home to a house of 12 and make homemade tomato soup and 24 grilled cheese sandwiches and be hostess. I had to play games and be charming. I had to suppress all feelings of broken heartedness and just continue. Continue being a Mommy to five children, listening to church stories, cook lunch, display my food pretty for when my Mom came over, prepare for a good time all the while silently mourning a loss I felt today.

But I made it. I did it. Next time will be easier. I can only look forward to the day when I get to see Miles push his wheelchair around like a toy. We went to McDonald's tonight and the lady that handed out our food had a big Tattoo on her neck that said HOPE. Again, hope is restored in the strangest of ways.

Breathe in...Exhale

Okay, tomorrow is kind of a big day. We're planning on taking Miles to church in his wheelchair for the first time. I've taken him on a test run around our neighborhood and that went well. We even went shopping at a store by myself. It wasn't too bad at all. He really seems to like the chair which helps a ton. I think I'm ready to start using the chair. I just don't want to have an emotional breakdown about the whole thing. I've been doing pretty well so I don't want to ruin it. Please pray for our family that Miles will be able to have a comfortable place to sit without his family being an emotional wreck about it.

He really is pretty cute in his chair. I will have to get a picture of him in it on here for you to see him.

This is a huge step for us.

Where for art thou Repair Man?

Day Four for the Family of Seven to be without a refrigerator! Yikes!

Well, the repair man did not show up again today. When Randy got home I asked him what was up and he went in Warrior mode. He tracked down the said repair man to a nearby alley and he went after the hunt.

He came to tell me that he would be right back. He did not ask if it was okay. He did not consider the plans we have made for dinner. He meant business and I said not a word.

Jocie came in and asked where Poppa went and I told her that her Poppa went to track down the Refrigerator Man in the alley to which she said, "Hally Mat-a-Roll!" I couldn't agree more!

This will be our first time to ever host Thanksgiving dinner in our home. Almost all of Randy's family will be here for Thanksgiving and as of right now we do not have a refrigerator. The compressor on ours went out on Friday. Thanksgiving to Randy's family is Big. The idea of not having a refrigerator merely days before the precious event spins Randy's nerves into knots. I really should be interceding for the Repair Man instead of typing this post.

********************************************************************************

Yikes...the scent of the Repair Man went cold. Randy just returned from the hunt without any meat. He went directly to the bath to clean up his wounds. I guess dinner is still going to have to wait.

Ho Hum...

Well, after that last gloomy post I've wanted to write something enlightening, witty, hilarious or controversial, but I got nothin'.

I didn't see Jack Black dressed like a King.

I didn't find a missing letter that somehow made me feel God is in control.

I didn't learn how to play Sudko and become easily obsessed with playing the game.

Nothing. I got nothing.

Oh creative stick come back to me.

I did have a great weekend away with my husband, but I can't write anything about that. That is Top Secret, Private, Report Blog for Questionable Material type stuff.

Just picture me screaming and throwing things.

Where do I begin this post with the new information I got today that makes my head swim with scenarios, fears, hopelessness, and frustration?

The nurse Christy took Miles to the doctor today for immunization shots that he was behind on because his legs were casted so long. Plus, we had several different issues that we needed to get information about from the doctor about Miles. Christy had a list of things to discuss.

• The seizure medication has been doubled and Miles is still have seizures.
• He's been spitting up his food again, and throwing up at night.
• The blood circulation to his feet are bad causing them to be purple a lot of times.
• Immunization shots
• His weight.

Well, Dr. Wiley thought the throwing up at night was due to the seizures he's having at night. (we already thought that) so he upped his medication some more.

The blood circulation thing is the same answer as always...There's nothing we can do but rub Miles' feet all the time to keep the blood flowing.

Shots taken care of. He didn't like them.

He only weighs 19 pounds. He's so very long. This is a problem.

We didn't think he was sick at all but he has double ear infections. He has not had one day of fever. He does not have any runny nose or anything. I can't believe he's sick! There were no signs!

The throwing up the food again is why I'm disturbed. Dr. Wiley has ordered a swallow test on Miles to see where his food is going when he swallows. The test is not a big deal. It's an easy thing. It's done in Abilene. The thing that's bothering me is that Christy came home talking about how Dr. Wiley thinks a G-Button would really benefit Miles. If he had a button in his stomach it would help with his reflux, help him to gain weight, help with the throwing up and blah blah blah. You can read more about the button at http://www.pediatricsurgeon.com/care/PDF/RMPS_gbutton.pdf

Here's the deal. One of the only things that Miles does normal is eat food. I love it that I can feed him. He enjoys it. If he gets this tube then he will have his liquid food shot right to his stomach where he won't have to eat. His medications will be given to him through his tube. He will have to be hooked up to tubes to eat. He could be hooked up to a pump at night to eat. It's just so dang medical. It just seems like Life Support to me, but as Randy pointed out when I talked to him..so is feeding him already. He can't feed himself. Hey, have any of you ever realized that Miles has never fed himself one thing? That last sentence by itself takes my breath away and makes me feel trapped.

Honestly, from the beginning there were two things that I put my foot down about. 1. I did not want Miles to have seizures. 2. I did not want Miles to have a G-button. As you know #1 came to pass already a month ago. It was out of my control.

Here's what I'm feeling:

• Part of me wants to be a Warrior Woman about this and with everything in me fight from him getting this procedure done. I want to say if anyone tries to talk to me about Miles getting that button that I will punch them in the face. I want to say that I will stand my ground and demand that the Lord fix his problems. I just want to stand firm.
• Another part of me wants to just say "Whatever" in a weak way and just go with the flow. I can't seem to control anything that happens with Miles anyway. I might as well just give up having anything that I limit with him. It doesn't help anything. I just feel like laying down on the floor and letting the cards fall where they may.
• Then another part of me thinks that I all I can do is love Miles, take care of him in whatever way that means best for him. If it means that I need to allow him to have that button then do it. I can have a cheerful attitude and just continue to hope for the best for him.

All three of those things could be agreed on by other people and all three of those things could be frowned on by other people. There's no winning. All three are wrong because they are so far from Miles being totally restored which is what we all desire. All three are right because they are so far from Miles being totally restored which is what we all desire.

I know this is not a sweet post. Well, it's not all sweet. I can assure you.

I want Gum!

Today I was praying for a little boy that I don't know, but I heard he got sent to Cook's Medical Hospital and that he was sick. This of course hits very close to home for me so I've been praying and praying for him.

So, I'm laying down in bed and praying for that little boy, and I'm asking Jesus to go into that hospital to that little boy and heal him immediately. I don't want it to be a healing process. I surely don't want that little boy and his parents to go through any of the devastating things that our family has/is going through. I'm picturing Jesus going into that hospital like a whirlwind, healing that little boy, his parents rejoicing and getting to leave and the doctors sighing with relief and amazement. Then the whole thing is over.

Then I began to wander in my thoughts while I'm praying and ask God how I can pray for this if it didn't happen for me. Jesus didn't come into the hospital, heal Miles and we were out of there rejoicing, yet I have hope that he will do it for that little boy. I know God heals all the time. I've been healed by Jesus. I know several people that have been healed by Jesus. I asked God, "Why do I pray for healings when you are basically going to do whatever it is that you want to do?" It's a funny thing, but after I asked God that I pictured my purse and the secret pocket that I keep my gum in. Every single day, usually several times a day Jocie and Melody ask if they can have a piece of gum. More times than not I say no to them. Sometimes I give them gum, but usually I say no. This does not keep them from asking me because sometimes I do say yes. Now, it's never a matter if I have gum or not. I always have gum. I usually have more than one pack of gum, but I have my reasons for giving or not giving them the gum.

Do I love my kids? Of course I do. Do I want them to be happy? Of course I do. Do I have the power and resource to give them gum any time I want to? Yes I do. Why do I not give them gum any time they ask me? Well, because I'm the Mom and I know that if they go to bed with gum in their mouth that when they wake up it will be a mess in their hair. I know if they have already had gum that day or too much sugar for the day that they just don't need it. I know when they are just bored and they want something to do so they ask me for gum, but it's not really going to meet their need like they think it will. Does that make me a mean Mommy that I won't give them what they want when they want even though I can meet their need? No, it means that I know what's best for them, and when they ask at the right time I will give them gum and they will be able to enjoy it.

Matthew 7:9 Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will you give him a snake? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those that ask him!

Wow! That was the word of the Lord for me today. He is a good Daddy and he knows what I want more than I think I know what I want.

Does this mean that I should stop asking him to heal my son? Does this mean that I should stop praying for that little boy in the hospital? No. I never mind the girls asking me for gum. The Lord will give me the gum when it's the right timing. I can keep asking if the timing is right. I know because the verse right before the good gift verse is Matthew 7:7 and it says: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened.

Lord, I want you to heal that little boy at Cooks Hospital today. I want you to go in there and heal him instantly. I want the parents to rejoice and take him home. I want the doctors to be able to sigh a breath of relief and be amazed at your healing power.

While you're at it God....heal my son too.

Super Life Group

Today after church we were eating lunch and talking about the upcoming Super Life Group where we will be playing Deal Or No Deal. I told you in a different post that we were fans! We've been so excited about playing it at church because we know it's going to be a blast!

We were talking about who will be Howie. We all agreed that it has to be Billy. No one could be better than Billy. Then we were wondering who would be the Banker, and I thought Brandon Hawk should be in there some where because he's always funny. Then Randy asked if I thought they were going to have "Models" there. I remember hearing Brenda saying that there would not be Models so I said, "No there will not be any Models", and then Jocie said, "SO THAT MEANS I CAN'T GO!" We all laughed so hard. It was so cute!

Wedding Talk

I was making breakfast this morning when Jocie came up to me and told me that when she wants to get married when she's a Mommy. I explained to her that first she gets married and then she gets to be a Mommy. She said, "Oh, okay. I was dreaming about it, and I know who I'm going to marry." I asked her who it was and she said, "Payton." I smiled at her and told her that she should be praying for her future husband. I told her that she should pray that God would send her the PERFECT husband for her. She said, "Okay then, I will pray for Poppa!"

AMEN!

Rachel your gonna love this one!!!!!!!!

Tonight at dinner Jocie prayed for our food before we ate. While she was praying she thanked Heaven. Then Melody said, "Yes, Thank EVAN and Payton!"

Theology Moment By Jocie

We were eating dinner when Jocie pointed to the sour cream and said, "I know why it's called Sour Cream. It's because God is in heaven. And he's not the only one that's good. Jesus is good. And, no one can color good like God and Jesus. They color gooder."

Halloween 2006

I'm glad the sun didn't melt these cute little M&M's.

Just a spoon full of Medicine helps the Medicine go Down.

I had to make a chart today for Miles' medicine. I know it all in my head, but when Randy tries to get the medicine he doesn't have a clue so I always have to rattle off medication names and doses. I printed the list out and taped it on the inside of our kitchen cabinet. I thought you might be interested. This is the stuff he takes Every Day!

Morning:
· Artane 6mL
· Calritin ½ tsp.
· Prevacid 1 tablet (just pop in his mouth whole)
· Topamax 1 capsule (give in solid food only)
· Mannatech AO 1 cap
· Mannatech Sport 1 cap
· Mannatech PhytAloe ¼ tsp.
· Mannatech Ambro 1 tsp.

Noon:
· Artane 6mL
· Mannatech AO 1 cap
· Mannatech Sport 1 cap
· Mannatech PhytAloe ¼ tsp.
· Mannatech Ambro 1 tsp.

Night:
· Artane 6mL
· Topamax 1 capsule (give in solid food only)
· Prevacid 1 tablet (just pop in his mouth whole)
· Mannatech AO 1 cap
· Mannatech Sport 1 cap
· Mannatech PhytAloe ¼ tsp.
· Mannatech Ambro 1 tsp.
· Pulmicort 1 vial

As needed:
Cough/wheezing- Albuterol 1 vial
Cough/congestion- Norel DM 1 tsp.

November Miralax schedule: ¼ Capful
Tuesday 7, Thursday 9, Saturday 11, Monday 13, Wednesday 15, Friday 17, Sunday 19, Tuesday 21, Thursday 23, Saturday 25, Monday 27, Wednesday 29

Human Antenna

Our family is a huge Deal or No Deal fan! It's really one of the only shows we watch on TV. We don't have cable so our stations are fuzzy a lot of time. Usually Joey or Randy can mess with the antenna and get it watchable. It doesn't really bother us because like I said, we don't watch a lot of TV. Well, last night I was feeding Miles, Randy was holding Melody and the TV needed to be fixed so we could watch Deal or No Deal. I couldn't get up and Randy didn't want to get up so he told Jocie to go stand by the TV for a second to see if it cleared up. It did, but only for a second so he had Jocie go over by the TV again and it straightened up nicely. Jocie stood there for a minute and then said, "Hey, that's weird. I think I have skills."

Peace to Josh in the Name of Jesus!

This morning when I woke up I asked the Lord to be Master of my day. I haven't thought to ask that in a very long time. Well, after I got up and the events of the day started rolling I thought that God must not have heard me because my day was a tangled mess of double booked appointments for Miles, then cancelled appointments, chasing down insurance cards and somehow grocery shopping in the middle of that.

Since we have moved into our new home I have not received Miles' monthly insurance cards in the mail. This is a big problem! This means that the first time in the month that he has an appointment outside of the home I have to go to the insurance office and have them make me a temporary card. I can only do this on the day of an appointment. This always makes everything a little more tricky. I have filled out a change of address twice and my husband has done it once in the insurance office, but the cards still didn't come to our house. Finally someone from the office told me that I had to go to the Social Security office to change his address because he is disabled. That's why I wasn't getting his cards at my house. Well, the Social Security Office is no place to drop in quickly and get out. I mean, you need to pack a lunch (not that you can eat in there but you get the point.) It takes forever!

So, I decide today is the day I will go there because I had to cancel one of Miles' appointments today because the office would not take a temporary card. I was determined to go and just wait out the crowd. I got a babysitter for the kids, grabbed a card making kit that I got from my Secret Sister yesterday (thank you) and off I went. Before I could go there I had to chase down Randy at his office and get some legitimate mail to prove that I live where I live. Of course that was in total opposite direction of where I needed to be, but I pressed through.

So, I get to the SS office and it was packed! I went to the automated 1st window and had to explain to the touch computer screen what I needed. The computer told me to wait while it printed me a number. He gave me B248. I found a seat and began to pull out my card making stuff. At first I was a little self conscience, but then I thought...Hey, at least I'm not bored. I quickly got into it and I was excited that I was using my waiting time so well.

While I was sitting there I was eaves dropping (one of my favorite past times). I was listening to a grandmother speaking to a nurse that was in front of her. The grandmother was telling her about how her daughter had been very sick. They chatted for awhile before the nurse was called up to the window with a real person in it.

That left the grandmother, her husband and her grandson to talk. I didn't hear anything they were saying but I caught myself praying for the young man. He was about 15. I kept seeing him lay his head on his grandmother's shoulder and she would rub his head kindly. The grandpa had a sweet smile and he kept making the boy laugh. I figured that the grandparents were raising the young man and I began to pray that they would raise him in a way that he would be able to function well as an adult.

Well, I was a busy bee making my cards when the grandparents number was called. B241. "Bingo" the grandma called. I couldn't help but smile at her. As soon as the grandparents got up the young man looked at me and said, "I never thought we were going to be here so long!" I told him that I had a feeling I would be that's why I brought along a project. After I said that he got up out of his seat and came to sit by me. That's when he began to tell me about his Mom. She died just last week of a massive heart attack. She was sick her whole life and she already had 5 heart attacks before the last one. She was in and out of hospitals for so long, and she finally told her husband that she didn't want to go anymore. My heart was broken for him. First of all I was so amazed that he would come over to me and tell me these things. I felt so honored. I sat there and cried while he told me about his Mom and his last week with her. I asked him his name and he said it was Josh. I told Josh that I would be praying for him all day. He had the softest face and thanked me wholeheartedly. He told me that his Mom was full of faith. He also told me that last week he spent most of his time in the chapel. The doctors finally showed his family his Mom's brain scan and her brain was dead. She was on life support and they had to decide to keep her on it or to take her off. He said, "I didn't want to make that decision so I told God that he was going to have to make that call, and He did. Pretty soon after that she died." I just kept saying, "Oh, Sweetheart. I'm so sorry." I never call anyone sweetheart. I even surprised myself by saying it, but I figured it was what the Lord wanted me to say. Then he told me something amazing. He said, "I know people might think I'm crazy but I told the Lord I would like to have one more conversation with my Mom." He knew that her brain was dead but he wanted to talk to her one more time. He said that after he prayed that she was totally alert and looking at him and they were able to have their own conversation together. He said that her face was totally normal and she was talking to him. She didn't look sick at all. Soon after that she died.

Here I am crying for him, having no answers or words of wisdom, but deep compassion for him and his family. His grandparents were done with their business. They had gone up there to terminate the Mom's insurance since she had died. As they were leaving I grabbed his hand and told him again that I would be praying for him. He thanked me so warmly that I can't get his sweet face out of my head.

As soon as his foot hit the door my number was called B248. Bingo! I thought. Not because it was my turn, but because God had been Master of my day.

COMMENTS ENCOURAGED.

OKay. all the time I hear from many of you, "Oh, I read your blog and ________." BUT you don't comment. I LOVE the comments! I'm not saying that you should comment on every post you read, but for the ones that stick out to you I would appreciate a comment on them. Call me praise hungry, I am. When I know people are reading this it makes me want to write more.

My Spencer

This was too cute not to jot down.

This morning as I was leaving the house to take the boys to school I noticed that Spencer's pants were big and I thought about having him change but we were going to be late so I just sent him to the car. Well, I didn't think too much about it, but after school I noticed that he was walking around the house while holding up his pants. I said, "Spencer, did you have trouble with your pants at school today?" He said that he did. I took a look and he had on Joey's pants and RANDY'S belt! I asked him why he had that on and he just shrugged his shoulders. That belt went around him twice. I asked him if he went to the bathroom while at school and he smiled really big and said, "Only once!"

Thought you might get a kick out of this!

I made dinner tonight and Randy's brother came over to eat with us. He also brought along a movie for us to watch. After dinner Randy and I were cleaning off the table and his brother asked if he could go ahead and put the movie in. We said yes, and a minute later he said, "Hey, why won't this DVD player open?" I sent Joey in the living room to help him, and Randy said, "Yeah, send in our eight year old son to help his Mechanical Engineer Uncle work the DVD player!"

Rule Breakers

Well, I decided that I didn't want to write about all the seizure activity. It frazzles my brain just thinking about it all. Here's what I've decided about seizures:

There's nothing natural about seizures.

You know the English rule that says, "I before E except after C."

Well, seizures don't even follow that rule! They are unnatural rule breakers and I don't like them one bit!

Jocie is so Mature These Days.

This morning I picked out a shirt for Jocie to wear to Mother's Day Out. When she put the shirt on she said, "This is too big for me." I looked at the shirt and I told her it looked fine. She thought it was too low cut. It was lower on her chest than her other shirts but I thought it was just fine. Well, I was making breakfast and she came in and said, "Look at this shirt. It's too big for me." Again, I told her it was fine and that it matched her pants so I sent her on her way. Then, I was signing the boy's folders when she came in and said, "The kids are going to laugh at me!" Finally, I told her that I would get her a new shirt. I went with her to her room and handed her a pink sweater. She put it on and said, "Good. This one doesn't show my nipples. I don't like shirts that show my nipples." She was so cute and serious! I will remind her in a few years that she doesn't like shirts that show her nipples.

December Newsletter...The Sneak Preview

Merry Christmas Everyone! How will you celebrate this year? Will you decorate your home with green and red? Will you pull out your Christmas tree and decorate with all your special ornaments from the years before? Christmas time is filled with all kinds of family traditions. That’s one reason that Christmas time is so special. One thing that my family does that my kids always enjoy is the reading of the Christmas Story while playing with the nativity scene. On the night we decorate our home my husband reads the Christmas story out of Luke, and the kids get to act out the story with our little nativity scene. Its fun for everyone and it reminds the kids that we celebrate Christmas because of Jesus.
Here’s another tradition of ours that may not bring you fuzzy feelings like the last one. This is a topic that you may or may not enjoy reading about, but please don’t beat me up after church! If you don’t like what I’m writing about this month talk about it to the Lord and see what He says. Well, here it is…We “Don’t Do Santa”. I can almost see you gasp for air with your hand over your mouth with shock and unbelief! How could a family with five children be deprived of Santa? Before you feel too much sorrow for our kids listen to our reason.
When I was pregnant with our first son my husband and I talked about how we would raise our children. Soon enough we made it to the topic of Holidays and we began to discuss the whole idea of Santa Claus. It didn’t take long for us to realize this tradition was not for us.
What do you remember more as a child? Is your vivid memory of Santa what “he brought you” or is it of finding out that he wasn’t real? Both of our memories were of finding out that Santa wasn’t real. I remember my Aunt telling me and my Mom being mad at her for a long time for telling me. Randy’s memory was of his sister telling him. I also remember being at Kmart as a kid at Christmas time and my brother and I convincing our youngest brother to pretend like he still believed in Santa because as long as he believed in Santa my brother and I would continue to get extra gifts.
So, with that in mind we have lying, conniving and selfishness all tied up in a pretty ribbon called Santa. Not so pretty is it? As parents we teach our children that when their teeth fall out a fairy comes and brings them money. We teach them that the Easter Bunny brings them a pretty basket of candy. We teach them that when they go to sleep on Christmas Eve Santa Clause comes down their chimney (even if they don’t have one) and he gives them presents. We also teach them that Jesus Christ came to this earth as a baby, died on the cross for their sins, and God raised him from the dead, and if they believe in Jesus that they will have eternal life.
All these people/characters the kids have to believe in. They cannot see the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa Clause or Jesus, but they are told to believe in them. Soon enough in every kids life an Aunt, Sister or some kid on the playground tells the truth about Santa. Then the kid is left with wondering what else is not true? Randy and I decided that the fun of Santa wasn’t worth the lying that it takes.
Recently, a friend of mine was talking about her “freakish Aunt” that didn’t ‘Do Santa”. She didn’t know my view about the subject when she brought it up. The thing is that her Aunt didn’t decorate, didn’t buy presents, and didn’t sing Christmas carols. This is not what I’m talking about. At our house Santa is not the Devil! Our kids can sit on his lap at the Mall if they want to. They can color pictures of him at school. They can say his name without having to wash their mouth out with soap. We just don’t tell our kids that Santa brings them presents when they go to sleep! Why would we? He doesn’t. We do tell them that Jesus came to this earth as a baby, died on the cross for their sins, and God raised him from the dead, and if they believe in him they will be saved. Why do we tell them that? He did. BELIEVE in Jesus!

Chef T.V.

The other day I was in the waiting room waiting for Miles to get his cast off and I saw a cooking show. The chef was a man and the taste tester was a man. I began to wonder...Why is it that chefs in general and chef's on T.V. are mainly men since on the whole men don't cook?

I asked Randy what he thought. Is it that the men who decide they like to cook have to be the very best at cooking so they become chefs and then get their own show or restaurant?

Here's Randy's take on the man chef: He thinks that T.V. chefs are male because women don't like to learn from other women. He thinks that a woman might take the cooking advice from a man quicker than they would from a woman because it's less threatening. He thinks that women might not like to be out cooked by another woman.

Very interesting I say.

It might be that there are women chefs all over, but they decide not to have their own show because they don't want the additional weight that T.V. adds to their appearance plus the additional weight that all white clothing adds to their appearance.

What do you think?

Bye Bye CastBoy!

No more CastBoy. Monday Miles got his cast off. The doctors picked him up out of the cast and replaced him right into his new $1,300 brace! It's looks like a mix between what Forrest Gump wore and some kind of cowboy gear. It's not too bad. We can take it off for 1 hour a day to give him a bath. We're still not used to seeing his legs. They were really flaky and rough, but we're trying to fix that. I think they will look better soon. Also, he's gotten so skinny. He was weighed after the appointment and with the brace and all his clothes on he only weighed 20 pounds. He's two years old and he's tall! We've got to get him some meat on his bones. We're all being very careful with him because we don't want to hurt him. I'm sure we will get used to moving him around soon.

I have a lot to say about the whole seizure issue that has come up with Miles, but right now I just don't have the energy to relay all the info about that. So...Seizure Info Coming Soon.

Hey, please pray for Randy and I! We need a vacation together! We have the money! We just don't know how it would be possible to leave for awhile. I say we need, but really we desire to go on vacation! I think we could possibly work out a long weekend. If you have any great ideas for a mini vacation tell me about it. Here's what we think we would like: We want a place to rest, be at peace, be alone, (it's sounding a lot like I'm describing a cemetery!) fun, not too far so we don't eat up our time driving, NOT IN Ft. Worth, something where we can come back feeling refreshed! Let me know if you have any ideas.

A family that digs together...Stays together.

Well, I did something today that was really gross!

I lost a $135 check. It was the money from Miles' insurance for our trip on Monday. I thought I had put it in my purse so I went to the bank to cash it today, but it wasn't in my purse. I went home and frantically looked for the check. It wasn't in the place it had been for the previous 5 days. The house cleaner had just left and I could only think of one other place it could be....THE TRASH OUTSIDE!

I called Randy and told him that I had lost the check. I was really upset and I started crying. He said, "Hey, do you know why you're crying? It's because you're a great wife, and you never make mistakes like this so it's upsetting to you. I'll come home and help you look."

Okay, what a wonderful man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this was a test for him he got an A+++!

He came home and we looked all over and we couldn't find it. So, we went outside and started digging in the dumpster. And when I say We...I mean He. Randy looked through bags of trash and found nothing. It was so gross, and bees were swarming us. Jocie said it all when she said, "I smell barf." People were walking down our alley staring at us. I kept trying to explain to the people that I threw away a check. Randy just kept digging. This one couple came up to us and started talking to our little girls. They didn't even seem to wonder why we were digging in the trash can. They didn't seem to think this was strange at all. The man had his beer and the lady had her soda and they were just taking a little walk down the alleys at 1:00 this afternoon. Okay, I didn't know our alley was such a hang out, but I know I saw about 10 people in a matter of 15 minutes. No wonder were missing a lawn mower, weed eater, extention cord and an edger.

Well, we gave up on the dumpster idea and went to look in our room again. We found it on the floor between the desk and the wall. We were so happy. Randy came over and wiped the trash slime on me and then went back to work with a smile on his face.

Randy, you're the man!

Book Review

Okay, I have officially finished reading the book, When I Lay My Isaac Down. So, I can officially tell you that it's an awesome book, and now beg you to read it!!!! It would really bless me if you would read this book. I'm of course just asking those of you that are walking through this whole thing with Miles with me. I tried to think about what this book would have meant to me if I had read it three years ago, and I'm not sure what I would have thought about it. Nothing seriously bad had ever happened to me three years ago so I might not have been able to identify with the lady, but I feel like I am that lady now. I say read the book while thinking of me and learn the lessons from her so you can put these things into practice without having to go through a situation like her and I. Plus, I know most of us have situations that are going on in our lives that we need to lay down to the Lord so it might be helpful for you as well. Anyway, it would just bless me if you read it. I think it would show you a lot of the emotions, thoughts, fears, and battles that I go through often. That way when you ask how I'm doing I can say, "Like page 38 or like page 125 today."

It's When I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent. READ IT!!!
And you can't borrow mine because I borrowed mine, and I'm reading it again.
LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

October Medical Report

Here's is Miles' Medical Calendar for the Month:

Vision Therapy 5 times this month.
Occupational Therapy 5 times this month.
Physical Therapy 4 times this month.
Nurse care for 100 hours.

4th He had to go see Dr. Wiley because he started having seizures.

11th Christy the nurse took Miles to the doctor because we thought he might have an ear infection. He had been throwing fits, and was not acting himself. The doctor checked him and he did not have an ear infection, but the doctor saw him throw one of the fits and got worried and ordered a bunch of tests for Miles. I got a baby sitter and then had to take Miles back to the doctor for Blood Work that they tried 3 times to get until I finally had to make them quit and use what they got. They did a urine test, and a complete bone scan on Miles. This means that they X-Rayed every bone in his body! This was one of the most terrible medical days of the entire 2 years for me. I hated every minute of it. All tests came back normal.

13th I had to call Miles' insurance to get them to send us money for Miles upcoming Ft. Worth trip.

16th Miles had an EEG test done. This was to measure seizure activity. His head was hooked up to about 30 electrodes and then plugged in to measure brain activity. He laid in a dark room on a queen size bed for about an hour with strobe lights in his face to try to trigger a seizure.

18th We got the EEG test results back that informed us that Miles is having low level seizures all the time. Also on this day he had a seizure so bad that he cried and cried without being able to be consoled. Jocie was so upset about the whole thing. She held on to my leg and cried because Miles was crying so hard. It was terrible. Also, on this day Christy and I decided that it was time for Miles to start Pediasure. He throws up his milk all the time so we need to get him on a product that doesn't have milk in it. The doctor was called to get orders for the Pediasure.

19th I had to call to make sure that Miles' brace will be at the appointment next week when the cast comes off. I don't know why I had to call, but they asked me to do it. Also, I had to make arrangements for his ABC coordinator to come for another visit so he can continue to get therapy services in our home.

23rd Miles will be going to Ft. Worth to GET HIS CAST OFF!!!!! He will also be getting his new brace on. We will drive up there early in the morning and come back that day.

24th Miles will have an appointment with the ABC coordinator and also see a dietician.

25th I have to call again for transportation money for another trip to Ft. Worth.

30th Back to Ft. Worth for him to see his neurologist. We're going to see if he will increase Miles' muscle tone medication. He's been getting even tighter in his muscles and we need to do something. Always before he's had full range of motion with stretching but it's getting hard to move his arms, and we don't want them to get stuck in place.

That's 21 appointments for the month!

So, that's Miles' October Medical Report...that's also the reason that I want a weekend alone with my husband!

Life with Spencer is Fun

Last night at Life Group I was helping to take care of all the kids. We had them in Joey and Spencer's room. It was loud! The boys in the room were hitting each other with stuffed animals, some of the kids were playing their own version of Heads Up Seven Up, Miles was crying, and other kid's were climbing up and down the bunk beds. Well, the noise was out of hand and Jocie, being the grown up little girl she is had a great idea. She said in a sweet and mature voice, "Who thinks we should play the Quiet Game?"

Spencer yelled, "NOOOOO It's HELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!"
Cherry and I looked at each other to figure out if he said what we thought he said.
Then he said it again, "IT'S HELLLLLLLLLLL!!!! It's HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! It's HELLLLLLLLLLL!"

I walked over to him and asked, "Spencer, are you saying that the Quiet Game is Hell?"
Without a hesitation and a smile on his face he said, 'Yes."

I had to tell him that when said that way the word Hell becomes a bad word. He said, "Okay."
It was so funny!

Thankful

Bryan and Becky (Our Pastor and his wife) came over today for lunch. They had their little girls, and I had Melody and Miles at the house. We ate pizza and enjoyed hanging out then came up the Miles topic about how we are dealing with the whole thing. Here's where Randy and I are at and here's where we want to stay:

We love God. We love Miles. We know at any second that God can totally heal and restore Miles. Our HOPE is that he does it, but if He doesn't do that we want to be okay with that. Randy and I want to be the very best parents we can be for Miles and continue to serve the Lord no matter what happens or does not happen with Miles.

Bryan said that he loves us being in this place. He agrees with it completely. For some reason lots of other people don't seem to like this place for us. They believe that we have to go after Miles' healing all the time speaking in faith, praying for him, speaking the Word over him. We have done that and it has not worked. I do not feel called in any way to do this. My constant prayer to the Lord is healing for Miles. With everything in me I have Hope for his healing. I'm just not sure that the Lord is going to do it. Is my faith not great enough? My God is greater than my faith. He doesn't need me to do anything for Miles to be healed. He can do it all on his own. He knows the plans he has for me and for Miles and they are good and they are to prosper us and not to harm us. I'm letting God do what he wants to do, and I'm going to be faithful for what he has entrusted to me. It's a great place to be. My heart is full of peace and joy.

Before Bryan left today he did an incredible thing. I don't know if you will be able to understand the scope of what he did, but I will try to explain. I was holding Miles in my lap. When Bryan was getting up to leave he asked me if anyone had ever prayed over Miles just thanking God for him? It caught me so off guard and I told him that no one ever had. He said that's all he wanted to do. He laid his hands on my son's head and prayed the most beautiful prayer of thankfulness for who Miles' is, and for giving our family Miles. He did not ask for healing. He did not ask that things would be easier for us. He did not ask for the Lord to make Miles into something that he's not already. Bryan just said Thank You. Sweet tears fell down my cheeks. It touched and healed something in my heart that I didn't know I needed. It felt so great to be thankful for my wonderful son. It felt so great for someone else to be thankful for who Miles is instead of what we all want him to be. I honestly don't think I will ever forget the sweetness of that moment for my entire life. What a precious gift of thankfulness I felt today.

By the way...of course I didn't really say that to the lady at McDonald's!

New Book

I'm reading a book my Mother in Law just gave me. It's called When I Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent. I'm only on page 28, but if you really want to know what I feel like most of the time about what happened to Miles you should read this book. Like I said I'm only on page 28, but it feels like words have been ripped out of my heart and written down in this book.

Parenting 101

The other day our family went to the Dollar Tree. It's our kids favorite store because they can buy anything they want to. It's always a fun trip for the Wilson Family. Well, the kids were looking for their toy when I over heard a funny thing. I passed by a Mom and a little girl in a cart about age 5. Well, the little girl had picked up a stuffed pink monkey. As I was passing her I heard the Mom tell her to put that thing down. The girl didn't. Then I heard the Mom say, "You better that thing down or you will never go into another store ever again." I told Randy what that lady said, and we laughed about how that little girl had better savor that trip to the Dollar Tree since it would be her last time to ever step foot in a store for her entire life. I saw that girl a few aisle later and she still had the pink monkey.

Why on earth do parents make threats as stupid as that, and threats that they know they will not keep? Randy and I decided early on in parenting that we were going to do our best not to do that. We knew that 'Counting" was not going to be part of our parenting. I'm assuming you know what I mean by counting. You know, it's when you tell your kid to get off the kitchen table and they just look at you to see if you mean business and you start counting to 3. You count 1...2...3 and the theory behind it is that when you get to three the kid gets in big trouble. The problem with this theory is that I've never seen a parent get to three and then the big trouble happens. Well, that's just one of the problems with counting.

If you are a friend of mine and you count please don't be offended, but I think that's one of the most ridiculous things a parent can do! If you tell your kid to do something and they aren't doing it...I think the only counting that should be going on is how many pops the kid is going to get.

Well, to add to the story the other day the kids and I met Randy at McDonald's for lunch. We were eating and our kids were playing. Everything was boring until this lady told 'Alex" it was time to go. He was playing in the playground center and I immediately spotted Alex. He looked right at her and paused then hurried up the playground. I heard her tell him again, but he didn't care. Then she started to count...1...2...ALEX GET DOWN HERE. He only went faster. He didn't care at all. So, she pulled out her second weapon. She said, "Do you want me to call PawPaw?" He said no so she told him he better get down. Of course he did not get down and she did not get off her bottom. Why in the world would you threaten to CALL anyone? First of all what's PawPaw going to do Yell at the kid on the phone? Why do parents threaten kid's with other people? Okay, it still didn't end. She pulled out the ol' "I'm going to leave you" trick. You know that one. The kid won't obey so you threaten to leave him there to live on his own at McDonald's. Oh yeah, that sounds rough.

WHY?????

Randy and I were laughing so hard. She yelled at Alex from her seat until he finally got thirsty and came down when he wanted to. As they were leaving the lady stopped by to look at CASTBOY. She asked if he had problems with his legs. I said, "No, his legs are fine it's just that last time we came to McDonald's he wouldn't come out of the playground when I told him to so I broke both his legs. Next time he will listen to me!"

World's Finest Plastic

Randy spent all weekend working very hard on our kitchen table this weekend. He made me a beautiful table from the tree of our first home about 7 months ago. I just love it! Well, the wood had to dry out completley before he could finish staining and sealing it. So he worked all weekend sanding, filling in the cracks and putting coat after coat of sealer on it. The table is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It's so glossy it looks like you could ice skate on the thing! I've caught myself walking by and just staring at it's beauty!
Well, this morning Spencer paid Randy a huge compliment for all his hard work! He came up to me and said, "Wow! That table looks Plastic!" I asked him what he meant and he said, "It's so shiny and nice that it looks like Plastic!"
So Randy, after hours and hours of work you finally made that solid wood table look like plasitc! Way to go!

I would like to CAST you into the sea!

Here's something the doctors didn't tell us...

Right now Randy is in the other room with Miles cutting part of his cast off. When we came back from Ft. Worth on Tuesday we realized that the cast was a little too snug. It's been a lot harder to change his diaper with this new cast. It's so close to his bottom that Randy's fingers are a little too big to tuck Miles diaper in correctly. It's even hard for me. There's just no room in there.

Well, every time I picked Miles up today he started to cry. This never happens! I could tell he was hurting. This evening we had plans to eat dinner with our nephew and niece at Texas Roadhouse. When we got Miles ready we saw that he had a sore on his bottom where his tail bone has been rubbing on the cast. It looked sore but we couldn't do anything at the time. We went to the RH and Miles was so cranky. He just kept crying and crying. Randy and I took turns the entire time standing outside with him. Let me tell you...Cast Boy is heavy! My back is hurting so bad right now!

On the way home we called a friend and asked him if he had any tin snips. He did so we picked them up and Randy just did surgery on the cast! He cut a big portion off his back and now he's putting fresh waterproof tape all around. When he cut the cast we were able to tell how bad the sore was. If we had waited another day Miles could have been in some serious pain! I feel terrible about it. I'm so glad that Randy was able to fix it! I wouldn't have let anyone else near Miles with that tool! Man, I'm glad Randy has skills!

Furniture...of all kinds.

It's been a while since my last post and for good reason. Monday Miles' wheelchair arrived at my house. I was totally shocked. I truly believed that Miles was going to be totally restored by the time the wheelchair got to my house. I really don't know what to say about that except my heart was broken. I was totally shocked! So was Randy. We just didn't know what we should say, think or feel about the whole thing. With everything in us we believed that Miles was going to be running around our house when the wheelchair man came to drop it off. When we got a call from the medical supply company and they told us that it had came in and they were dropping it off in 20 minutes we still believed. Randy was jumping around the house and as excited as could be. We still thought it was going to happen. The nurse was here and we thought she was about to get the show of her life!
When the medical supply guy drove up to our house and started to wheel that chair into my house my heart sank. Randy and I both totally went into auto pilot. The man explained everything about the chair and how to take it apart. He went over instructions. He was as excited as could be because he designed every detail of the chair for Miles. Randy and I were not rude but we were not jumping for joy like the man probably wished we were. The man was really disappointed because he couldn't adjust Miles to the chair yet since he is still casted. Well, before the man left he brought me a big stack of papers to sign. Every time I signed my name my heart broke more and my hope decreased that I would ever see my son do more than he does right now. By the time I signed everything I was totally numb. My head was spinning with questions and it pounded with pain.
When the man left, Randy and I sat on the couch and held Miles. Randy said that we should just try to process everything instead of talk. I went and laid down on my bed and I checked out of the world. I slept so hard for hours. When I woke up my heart was so heavy I could hardly get out of bed. We had to leave for Ft. Worth that day for Miles' cast change the next day. I kept trying to pack but every time I got up I found myself sitting on the bed just staring off into space. I couldn't seem to do anything.
While we were waiting for the man to drop off the chair I called Francesca and Rachel to tell them that it was on it's way. After my nap I called them to tell them that I was wrong about hearing God and it was two of the most painful phone calls I've ever made. My heart just felt ripped out. I felt inconsolable.
Over the next few days I got several phone calls, letters, visits and emails from friends telling me that they were sorry and tried to comfort me. I'm so thankful for not going through this alone. Without the people around me that love me and my family so dearly I think by now I would be bitter and I would have a hardened heart about Miles' healing. All my friends have been so compassionate. They don't make me feel like I'm not doing enough or brave enough or that I don't have enough faith. They are all so warm and caring to me. They all seem to have taken on this burden and want to help carry it. I don't know if any family is loved more than ours.
Over those days I was a wreck. I felt like I was in a cloud. I kept getting mad that everything around me kept going on and that I had to be a part of that! I had so many extra things going on this week and it didn't allow me to sit around and be upset like I wanted to. I know now that was a major blessing, and I knew it at the time but I didn't want to admit that! On Wednesday mornings my friends Rachel and Krissy come over for coffee. All the way home on Tuesday night from Ft. Worth I kept telling Randy that I wanted to cancel coffee but he wouldn't let me. I told him that I would let them come over but I wasn't going to like it and I wasn't going to act like I liked it! I later found out that it wouldn't have helped if I cancelled anyway! They had both already decided that they were going to come to coffee if I said they could or not. I just love that. Real friends will come over if you want them to or not.
I remember when all this first happened with Miles and we were at the hospital. I thought I didn't want to see anyone and all my friends wanted to come, but I told them not to. Pam called me and left me a message that said she was coming because we needed them. My friends did come and it ended up being one of my most treasured memories of all time. We sat outside with coffee and laughed and laughed at Pastor Brandon. He was doing some of the most outrageous things and I couldn't get enough of it.
Anyway, I enjoyed coffee with Rachel and Krissy. We actually didn't have any coffee Wednesday. I think I was being rebellious and I didn't make any. Krissy said, "That's okay. We don't really come here for the coffee."
So, before I tell you the good news. I will say that I was a mess. My heart really felt like it was broken and trying to harden. I was trying to decide if it was worth the pain to continue to HOPE for Miles to ever be healed. I thought I heard God so clearly and to find out that I didn't hear him really shook me. It made me question a million things. What's the point of praying if God's just going to do what he's going to do? How can we be life group leaders if our own son is a constant reminder that God hasn't done what we all think he should do? How can I serve people when I feel like dying myself? Basically it was every WHY and HOW question that I can think of and a few terrible questions that I don't even want to disclose.

The wheelchair is in our living room and no one wants to even look at it. No one will comment about it. Randy and I sit in our living room and we won't turn our bodies towards the thing. We haven't watched TV since Monday when we got it. I think it's because the wheelchair is right beside the TV and we just don't desire to have anything to do with it. You know, this is a $6,700 piece of equipment and we're acting like it's toxic waste! You may be asking...What's so bad about a wheelchair. Maybe you're not asking. Maybe you know, but in case you don't...It's the whole idea of it and what it stands for. It's saying, "My son should be doing things that he's not doing!" It's seems more permanent. It feels like once you go there that's where you stay. Anyway, it's upsetting. No one wants their child to have a wheelchair.

So, that was all the yucky stuff.

Yesterday morning I woke up and I was still in bed and I said, "God, I need to feel you close to me today. I know you are here but I need to feel you." Soon after that I got a call from Brenda. (An Elder from our church.) She told me that the church wanted to buy our bedroom furniture that we had picked out!!!! Before we moved into our new home Randy and I picked out some bedroom furniture that is absolutely beautiful! It really appeals to my Princess heart! When we saw it the first time we both knew it was just what we wanted. At the time we really felt like Kathy Hawk (Another Elder from our church) was going to buy it for us. That was seven months ago. Randy even talked to Kathy one time to tell her that we thought she was going to buy our furniture for us. Well, we never heard anything from her and we honestly gave up hope on that idea very recently. We thought, "Well, I guess we were wrong and we will just made due with what we have."
When Brenda called and told me that the church was buying our beautiful furniture I was screaming happy! What was really neat was that them giving us furniture wasn't just some pitty gift to make us distracted from the wheelchair arrival. Brenda told me, "We want this furniture to be a reminder to keep your heart soft." When she said that I just felt my heart melt. I really felt a release from the heaviness that I had been carrying for several days. I couldn't get the cheesy grin off my face! I called a ton of people to tell them my wonderful news! I went right over to the furniture store to make sure they still had what I wanted. I ended up going to that store three times yesterday! I wasn't embarrassed at all! The first time it was just Melody and I that went. The next time it was Randy, Me, Melody and Miles. The third time it was Randy, Me, Jim, Brenda, Joey, Spencer, Jocie, Melody and Miles! The lady that had been helping me all day asked me, 'Who are all these extra kids?" Mine of course!
Anyway, they bought our stuff last night! They bought us a bed. It's a huge, four post gorgeous bed that I will probably have the rest of my life! We also got a dresser with a mirror. The dresser is tall and has slate squares on top. Some of the drawers are lined with black velvet!!! We also got a night stand. It's so big that I only wanted one of them. It also has the lined drawer and the slate tiles. We also got the bedding that was on the bed. (New ones of course) It's so beautiful! I wouldn't be able to find anything I liked better! Normally you might not think the bedding is me, but it is the bedroom me. :) AND!!!! We also got the most beautiful armoire ever! It's so beautiful! I love it so much! It's such a treasure! It just looks rich!
When I first went to the store yesterday the saleslady was saying that it could take 2 to 4 to 6 weeks to get all the pieces of furniture in. She said that she has four other stores and that she would call to see if they had any of the pieces. If they didn't then she would have to order if from Ashley and it could take 6 weeks. Well, at lunch I was telling Jim and Brenda this and Jim said, "No, it's going to be at her other stores in the name of Jesus!". When I went the second time to the store she said that her other store did have the other pieces and that a guy from there was already coming to Abilene the next day and that he would bring my stuff!!!! The lady told me that she could have it delivered and set up in my house on MONDAY! When I saw Jim next and told him the news he gave me a big High Five! It was cute.
So the whole day was s huge rush! It was so fun planning, and deciding and picking out and calling everyone about my furniture! But it was more than that...

It did something more than just meet a furniture desire. I sent an IM to Brenda last night thanking her for being a part of our special day. I told her that the timing of the furniture was perfect. We had picked it out about 7 months ago, but getting it yesterday was so much better than getting it the day we found it. It was perfect timing and getting it did more than I could have thought possible. It brought hope back to Randy and I. As I was writing the message I thought about Miles. I thought about the restoration of Miles body. When it happens the timing will be perfect. I will be glad it didn't happen by the time the wheelchair came. Also, I know that Miles' healing will do more than I can even imagine.

How did getting furniture yesterday restore Hope? Who knows? I do know that without Hope I have nothing. With Faith I have salvation and that means that my eternal life will be forever with my Maker. Hope is the thing that is needed here on earth until eternity. A few days ago I was thinking that it was going to be too painful to keep Hope alive. I thought that is was too disappointing, but again, I realize that Hope is what makes this life with Jesus exciting.

Randy & His Candy

Well, it's taken 10 years of marriage, but the honeymoon is over. We went to the movies on our anniversary date, and Randy brought along some Now-n-Laters candy to snack on. Well, when we found our seat he put his candy under his bottom "so they can get warm" he explained. I told him that was not first date material.

As if that wasn't enough when he got up to go get a soda he tossed the candy to me to have me sit on them while he was gone.

I did.

I told him that I wasn't going to admit sitting on his candy, but I Did.

S-T-I-N-K-Y!

Oh my goodness Miles stinks! He has a sponge bath every day but it doesn't help on the odor! Starting last Wednesday which was 3 weeks and one day after he had his cast put on he started smelling. The smell is definitly a sweat and urine mixture. It's so yucky and over powering! Yesterday at church Randy asked me if I thought Miles had a dirty diaper. I leaned over to smell him and I said, "No, it's his cast." Well, I thought for a minute and decided there was no way just his cast could be that stinky so Randy took him out of the service to see if he had a dirty diaper. He quickly returned and it was just his cast that smelled. I held him all during church and I left there so nauseated! Last night I was holding him and my stomach hurt from the smell!

I've been telling people that he stinks and here's the suggestions that I've received. Someone said that I should sprinkle baking soda down the cast to absorb the odor. That wouldn't work because the powder gets cakey. Then someone said FaBreeze. I thought that might work, but I didn't want to spray it on his skin. I thought it might irritate it. Then, someone said, "Why don't you spray him with feminine spray?" You know Summer's Eve stuff? Randy said, "Well, it is for sensitive skin!". :) So, last night we all went to Wal-Mart and shopped for feminine spray. We didn't have anything else to buy there so all seven of us were staring at the feminine product incap. Randy couldn't take it so he sent all the kids to look at the Band-Aids while we figured out what in the world to buy.

I told Randy that I didn't want to get a scent that smells like a woman. He thought we should find a manly smell, but believe it or not that they don't sell manly feminine spray! They had scents like Tropical Rain Forrest, Baby Powder and something floral. Randy sprayed the floral and I had to put my foot down! I did not want my son smelling like a panty liner! Then we found a scent that was called "SUPER ULTRA". We laughed so hard! That was the smell! SUPER ULTRA! We thought about the woman that would buy such a product! It had to be a serious problem if only the scent SUPER ULTRA would work. We smelled SUPER ULTRA then sprayed some on his cast. We decided this was the scent for us! It actually worked!

So we went through the self check out. I was not about to go through a line with five children at 8:30 on a Sunday night only buying SUPER ULTRA feminine spray! As we were walking to our car we saw two college age friends of ours going inside. Both Boys. Randy went to go chase them down and before he went through the door he threw the bag of spray at me. I picked it up and the whole time we were talking to the guys I was hiding the spray behind my back! I didn't want to get into the reasons we were buying SUPER ULTRA feminine spray.

When we got home Randy was changing Miles and Spencer went over to take a big whiff of Miles cast. He started making gagging noises and yelling about how bad Miles smelled. After Randy sprayed Miles all over I told Spencer to go smell him again. "Much Better" he said. It really does work!

This morning before I went into the grocery store the nurse Christy called me to ask me a couple of things. While I had her on the phone I told her why that feminine spray was in there and she said, "I figured that's why it was in here. I wasn't going to ask".

So, if you have SUPER ULTRA odor problems of any kind...Summer's Eve feminine spray for $2.86 will do you nicely.

September 2, 2006

Cast Boy & The Girls

Yesterday

I should have blogged this yesterday to get to full emotion in it, but by now the Lord has settled me. The reason I'm still writing about what happened to me yesterday is because I think a whole chapter of my book in the making will be about situations like this one.

So, yesterday the nurse Christy and I decided that we needed to take Miles to see the pediatrician because he's been acting strange. He hasn't been running a fever but you can tell he doesn't feel well. We weren't sure if he was sick or if he was having hip trouble or not. Now, Christy could have taken Miles by herself, but I'm still adjusting to her taking care of him much less her taking him to the doctor without me! All my other kids were in other places all over town so I decided to go with her. (Joey and Spencer were at school, Jocie was at Mother's Day Out, and Melody was at the library with her Grandma) So, I'm running the kids all over town to drop them off, and I had to stop and get Miles' medicaid card. Since I've moved his card does not come to our house so when he has an appointment (which is always) I have to go to the Medicaid office to pick up his card for the month. I've put in address changes at that office but it hasn't worked. They finally told me that I have to go to another office to change the address because he is a special needs child. Oh, and I've tried to be on top of things by going up there at the beginning of the month so I will have his card before I need it, but that's against the rules. You can only get a temp. aard on the day of the appt. (I know most of that was probably of no interest to you, but you have to keep that book in mind.) So, you can see by 9:00 I've already done a day's worth of thinking.
As I'm about to go in to get the card I realized that I'm about to go to the pediatrician's office. Insight: For me one of the hardest places to go is the pediatrician's office. It's filled with normal kids and bored parents. I just don't like going there at all anymore. I called a friend to pray for me so I would not get depressed after leaving there. I explained to Christy (nurse) why going there is hard for me. First of all, having Miles at the house and around my friends and stuff is different because he's just adorable and lovable Miles. I don't have to explain anything. I don't have to wonder what they're thinking. At the office either people don't talk to me at all or people talk to me too much and both are terrible. Christy told me that I shouldn't let it bother me. I gave her the look like...easier said than done. She soon saw my point.

Okay, so we go to Dr. Wiley's office and we're in the waiting room. People are all around us and No One speaks to us. I'm there, and Christy is there in her scrubs holding Miles in his big ol' cast and no one talks to us. They stare a little, but no words. It wasn't too bad. I was fine with it. The whole appointment went well. I was feeling good. I didn't feel sad at all. I actually had a great time with Christy. We're becoming quick friends. Well, Dr. Wiley ordered X-rays for Miles so we could make sure his hip was still in place. Miles did have an ear infection so we were all pretty sure that was his problem, but we all agreed that x-rays would make us feel better. (By the way his hip is still in place. I didn't want to make you have to wait on that info.)

So, we leave the office to get x-rays. The x-ray place is in the same building but another office. We walked in the x-ray office and it was packed! I've been in there before and it has always been super quick but not yesterday! I actually had to stand because there were no more chairs. Christy was holding Miles so I let her sit in the open chair. I signed in and all that. Well, like I said the place was packed. There was a girl there in a wheelchair/bed in the office with her Mom and her nurse. The girl was 15. She couldn't do anything at all. She was covered in blankets and was totally handicapped. Well, her Mom looked at Miles and it was like she knew the whole situation. A lot of people look at Miles and think he's sleepy. This drives Randy and I absolutely crazy! I'm telling you...The wrong person is going to say something about Miles being sleepy one day and they are going to get an ear full from Randy or I. It's not going to be pretty. I'm already feeling sorry for that person! Miles is not sleepy...That's his personality or lack of. Anyway, this lady knew he was not sleepy.

Before I go on...I want you to understand this lady's heart. She was full of compassion. She wanted to help me. I know she did. Her motives are not questioned here. I just want you to have a good picture of her. She's been doing what I've been doing for 15 years and she wanted to help me and be a comfort to me. She was not any of these things to me but she wanted to be.

As soon as she saw me she began to ask me questions about Miles. She seemed to know what his deal was already, but she just kept asking me questions. Let me remind you that the room was packed. These people were bored so they were all listening to our conversation. I didn't really want to answer all her questions so I would answer her and then turn my body towards Christy in the opposite direction to talk to her. Well, that lady would just ask something else about Miles or ask me if I knew about this program or that program for Miles. It went on and on. She asked me when I started using nurse care. I told her that it was just a week ago. She told me how she waited so long because she thought she could do it all herself, but it got too hard. Now, I had not told her that I knew Miles was going to be healed. I had just told her medical things.

So here's the picture...She now knows all the info about Miles. She knows that I have help from a nurse and then the whole thing changed. The room is still full. She turns to me so seriously and says, "I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. I was in denial for a long time about my daughter. For 11 years I thought she was going to be fine. I thought she was going to walk and do things. I would see it in my dreams and she was fine. So, I know how you feel."

I was shocked! I felt so laid bare in front of all those people. My body physically felt like I had been thrown up against a wall by her words. I said in a quiet voice, "I'm not ready for that" and I started crying right there in the waiting room. I was so embarrassed and upset that I was crying in front of all those people. Her words were too much! She said that it was okay that I wasn't ready to accept it. She said that it took her 11 years. Then, she came over and hugged me. This was as bad as me crying! Oh, my goodness I wanted to crawl in a hole! This kind of behavior is totally unacceptable behavior for me! I was so stunned by it all. I felt like I was on display in front of all these people with my secret fear laid out in the middle of the room. It was horrible!

I turned to Christy and said, "Do you see what I mean about people talking too little or people talking too much?" She did understand.

So, after the appointment I called my friend to tell her just how the appointment went. I asked her, "What am I supposed to do with this? In one realm believing totally that Miles is going to be healed is called faith. In another realm is called denial!" WHICH IS IT? Is it easier to believe that Miles is going to be healed than it is to believe that he isn't? Is it easier to have hope or to be hopeless. I picked the right friend to call yesterday because she is full of truth. She explained to me that the Lord has told me that Miles is going to be healed. She reminded me of Numbers 23:19 "God is not a man, that he should lie. He is not a human, that he should change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?" From that scripture most of you can tell that my friend was Francesca. She was saying that she didn't know that lady's situation or belief, but she knew mine. God has not told me that this is the way Miles is going to be. If he had told me that for some reason then I could accept it, but he has not said that to me. God has only told me that he will heal Miles so I'm not in denial.

It's amazing what truth will do! It really does bring freedom! That lady's words tried to attach to me and make me think that I was in denial, but it didn't work. God has told me that Miles will be healed. God is not a man that he would lie. He's not a human that he would change his mind. I cannot think of a time when he has spoken and failed to act. I can't think of a time he has promised and not carried it through. God is who he says he is and he will do what he says he will do.

So, I'm better now. I do have to tell you the other hilarious part of the waiting room! It saved me! It did make me look emotionally unstable, but it was worth it. There was this young mom in there with her daughter who is 2. The grandma was also with them. The little girl had a hurt foot that had to be x-rayed. This Mom was so loud and talked nonstop. She was the only thing that took attention off of my drama which I'm so thankful for. She was outrageous with the things she would talk about! She was shameless with her dysfunction! Everyone was cracking up in the waiting room when she would say outrageous things. I have inherited the inability to control myself from laughing in bad situations. I got this from my Mom. If I find something funny I have to laugh at all cost. If I try to stop it makes it much worse! This was one of those situations! This lady was so loud! She was on the phone a lot of time talking to her Dad I think. She was saying something about her boyfriend was out doing community service (funny), he had already been to Skinny's to fill out an application (funnier), but they don't hire felons (hilarious!). I laughed so hard at this conversation. The older lady next to me was more composed than I, but she was indeed tickled! Christy was laughing as well. Now, I think under normal circumstances she would have been able to control herself, but with me laughing so hard so was also laughing hard. The receptionist even told us that we were having way too much fun. She knew exactly why we were laughing and that made it all funnier. Then the lady started talking about how she just got a NEW probation officer. She explained how they keep trading her off. This was too much! I was laughing shamelessly. Of course I was laughing at her! There was nothing else going on! She could have accused me of laughing at her and I would have to admit openly that I was indeed laughing at her. I would have got away with it to because one minute before that I was crying in front of the whole room. Plus we had just had the whole yucky hug episode. I'm not sure that the Lord himself didn't put that girl in the room just to help me out of the spotlight a bit. Anyway, it was funny! As soon as Christy and I got to the other room we laughed so hard about how everything had played out. We couldn't believe our morning already.

:)

I'm going to see Jesus walk on the water.

I was doing my WOW homework while sitting at Subway and I received some wonderful revelation!!!

We were to read Matthew 14:22-33. It's about when Jesus walks on the water. Of course I've read the story before but today there was more insight into the situation. After reading the passage the question in the homework was, "Did the wind die down before or after Christ told his disciples not to be afraid?" The answer is After. Then it asked, "What would be the basis of their courage since the storm continued to rage?"

I really had to think about this. The basis of their courage was the fact that Jesus was God so they should have been comforted that He was going to take care of them.

This is what Beth Moore said about this situation:
The point is not that we have nothing to fear and that cowardice is simply an unreasonable state of mind. His presence is the basis for courage in our storms. Christ did not say, "Take courage! I am calming the storm. Don't be afraid." Instead, with the winds still raging, He said, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." He does not always immediately calm the storm, but He is always willing to calm His child on the basis of His presence. "Don't worry! I'm right here! I know the winds are raging and the winds are high, but I am God over both. If I let them continue to swell, it's only because I want you to see me walk on the water. This set of prints can be seen only in the storm. I'm in this with you, and I love you more than you'll ever know." We'll probably never learn to enjoy our storms, but we can learn to enjoy God's presence in the storm!

Oh my goodness this is good! This is just what I was talking about with the whole bean spout and Oak of Righteousness thing! Jesus could have just stopped the storm like he had before, but the disciples would not have seen him walk on the water. Jesus could have already rescued me from all this with Miles then I would not have the privilege to see him walk on the water. It's so exciting! I loved the part where it talks about that Jesus knows the winds are raging and the waves are high, but if he continues to let them swell it's only because he wants me to see him walk on the water. What a life changing day that will be.

Verse 33 says, "Then the disciples worshiped him, "You really are the Son of God!" they exclaimed.

Bean Sprout Verses Oak of Righteousness

I’ve decided I would like to be an Oak of Righteousness instead of a bean. Lately I’ve been tired and I’ve been worn out from all the “growing” I’ve had to do. Next month my son Miles will turn two years old. This means that for almost everyday of the last two years I have been in the biggest trial of my life. On a recent Sunday after church I was laying in my bed talking to my husband about how long it’s been and how hard it’s been when I saw a picture in my head. I saw a window seal in a Kindergarten class room with rows of plastic cups filled with bean sprouts. When I saw that picture I instantly understood what I was seeing. You know, there’s a reason that Kindergarten teachers let their students grow bean sprouts. A bean will grow quickly. A normal Kindergartener’s attention span usually is that of a bean so it’s fitting. As I was thinking of this I felt like I had to make a choice if I wanted to sprout out of this trial and be a bean or did I want to continue with this trial and become an Oak of Righteousness. A bean is here today, eaten tomorrow and gone forever. An Oak tree lasts for generations. Later that evening I was doing my homework for Women of Worth and this is the verse I read. Isaiah 61:1-3. In verse 3 it says, “And provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” The Lord is about to do that for me. He is about to heal my son Miles from brain damage. He is giving me beauty for ashes, joy for my mourning, praise instead of despair. He is making me into an oak of righteousness for his own glory.
God wants to do the same for you. What is that thing or process in your life that you would like to give up and be a bean about? Don’t give up! Don’t be a bean! Decide that you want to stick with the Lord as he makes you into a strong and graceful oak of righteousness for his own glory! Take on the motto of our house, “It’s Gonna Be Worth It!”