iPad Drama : )

Once upon a time, several months back my awesome brother-in-law Richard...

bought me an iPad!!!

Yes Richard, I had to steal your only Facebook photo. 

Well, a few months ago my eldest son Joey may or may not have...dropped said iPad thus breaking the sound button. 

This made Joey very sad. 

Well, Randy, my beloved husband can fix anything right?!? I mean he can build a whole house from start to finish! He can fix bikes, plumbing and gates that hang wrong! Surely, he can fix an iPad button! He took his trusty screw driver to fix the button and....

Oopsi! He cracked the iPad screen! 

Now, my photo isn't available from when this happened. Who even remembers what I said exactly? There's rumor that I crumbled up the pie crust I was working on, chunked it in the kitchen sink and went out for a breather, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't sound like me! Don't you agree? I probably....

said something dainty like, "Oh sweetheart, thanks for giving it a try! You're so loved and appreciated." 

Well, to fix the iPad screen by a place in town was quoted at $160. That wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The iPad was put on a high shelf while we waited on the $160 fairy to drop by the house. A couple of weeks went by and we were still waiting so I took it off the high shelf and began to play with it. I figured out that it was still useable if you didn't mind a tiny piece of glass in your finger every once in a while. 

I didn't let the kids play with it since I wanted to protect their delicate fingers from the glass! It wasn't all bad having the screen cracked. I actually got a lot more play time with the iPad because I didn't have to share it with all the little people. (Glass half full kind of girl!) 

Anywho...

One day Randy is looking on eBay and finds a Do It Yourself Kit to replace the iPad screen. 

Um....how do I put this nicely?

NNNoooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Randy decided to look on Youtube to find an instructional video on replacing the screen (laymen's term) Digitizer (professional term.) He found a video...

Digitizer Replacement Video

Now, I was sitting next to him while he watched the 14 minute video. All I could hear over and over again was, "Watch out! Make sure you don't break the blah blah blah." 

All he heard was, "Oh yeah, I could fix it!" 

He bought the kit off eBay for $46 (including shipping) from Hong Kong and a couple of weeks later this arrived...

Yes, that's a photo of a tiny baby suction cup. 

He sat down at the kitchen table THAT HE BUILT FROM A TREE IN OUR YARD...

and He Fixed it!!! 

Now I can get back to playing mindless games on the iPad with sound! Yeah, he fixed the sound button too! 

After he was done I mentioned to him that he could totally do this sort of thing as a side business! iPad and iPhone screens crack all the time! He saved us a ton of money! He just gave me "the look." That business isn't going to happen...BUT if it ever does...I'm going to have a Side Side Business by placing one of these babies in his iPad screen fixing shop!

I would make some bank!

End of the story? Not quite yet. 

I told the kids they couldn't play with the iPad again until we saved enough money to buy an Otter Box for the iPad. 

We are well on our way! : ) 

(Picture taken today with iPad!) 

Exciting!

Ok Everyone...Lay Hands on this application and pray with me! 

I'm about to fill out an application for Cornerstone Christian School to teach KINDERGARTEN in the fall! I'm so excited! For those that have known me for a long time you know that it's been my heart's desire to teach this class! The current teacher, and one of my amazing mentors is retiring this year. She's been telling me for years that she hopes I will be her replacement. I do too! 


I love the age of the kids in Pre-K and Kindergarten. They are so teachable. They love their teachers and learning new things. They love singing songs and being silly. Maybe that's why I feel so at home with them. : ) I've subbed in that class for years and I've also been a teacher's aide part time. I've worked with kids for money and I've worked for free and either way it brings me great joy. I just feel good when I'm in that setting. I love encouraging the kids to do well. I love teaching them new things. I love hearing their funny stories and their take on things. I love how full of faith and love they are. Several times while being a teacher's aide I caught myself thinking, "I could easily do this for the rest of my life." It just feels like a perfect fit. 


For the last 14 years I've been at home with my own precious babies. I'm so thankful I was able to stay at home with them. The Lord has been so faithful to us financially to help us raise 5 children on a one person income. It's funny, I think about over the years, having 5 children in 6 years and having them running all over the house. It was a sweet time in those early years. Not everyday was smooth sailing, but most days were filled with giggles, games and giant messes. I wouldn't trade those times! Then we moved into small school age children, reading books and lots of crafty stuff. Next up was 4 of the kids in school while I stayed at home with Miles. Those days were filled with doctor visits, lunch dates and lots of snuggling. Now, it's a new season for all of us, but especially me.


I had a couple of tiny jobs before I had kids while I was in college, but for the most part I've never had a real job. I watered plants for a flower shop. I was a nail technician for a little while when Randy and I were first married. My first job was selling the newspaper over the phone. (I wasn't so great at that.) I've volunteered a lot though at the kid's school over the years and also in children's church. 


My lack of job experience seemed like a "Goliath" to me until I realized that if I'm supposed to get the job then none of the rest will even matter. God will put me exactly where He wants me! I have no doubt about that. I totally trust Him to give me the job or to totally prevent me from getting it if He has other plans for me! That's what is so exciting to me! I know that I will either be teaching Kindergarten next year which has been a huge dream and goal of mine OR He has something else beautiful in store for me. I don't feel any pressure about it at all. 


I do have one precious thought that keeps coming to mind though...Isn't it just like the Lord to give me lots and lots of children over the next several years to replace the one beautiful child I lost? I don't really mean replace, but you know what I mean. 


Anyway, I didn't plan on writing all that. I'm just excited. I've been subbing the last 3 weeks in the Pre-K class. During that time there's been a lot of talk lately about the possibility of me being the Kindergarten teacher next year and it has been a great excitement for me. It's been healing to have something to look forward to after these last several months of deep mourning. 


Joy instead of mourning. 
Beauty for ashes. 
Praise instead of despair. 
(That's what the thought of teaching does for my soul.) 


So, dear sweet friends of mine...will you pray for me? Will you agree with me that if I'm supposed to be the new Kindergarten teacher for Cornerstone Christian School next year, that I WILL BE?

JOY

God has bound my broken heart. He has proclaimed freedom for this captive. He has released me from darkness. God has comforted me as I've mourned. He's giving me beauty for ashes and joy instead of mourning. God has given me the ability to praise instead of despair. I will be called an oak of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. 

I'm not saying that everyday is perfect. It's not. I still cry often and miss Miles. I'm still struggling with bad dreams  at night where I dig Miles up from the ground and try to keep him alive. I still have "off" days. However, in the last month Isaiah 61:1-4 has been true in my life. Hope for a future is being restored in me. I'm enjoying my day to day more. I'm excited about current things and things to come. I can breathe deeper and see clearer. 

I've always been a "happy-go-lucky" or "glass half full" kind of girl. I've always been joyful. Until recently though I never knew what a beautiful gift JOY really is. I just always had it. Even when things were really rough growing up I still had joy. I took it for granted. I've always heard the verse about the joy of the Lord being our strength, but again, I took it for granted. I don't ever want to take that beautiful gift of JOY for granted again. Philippians 4:4 says, "Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice!"

That is one amazing lesson I learned from Miles. That kid was either asleep or full of joy. He had no in between.  What a marvelous way to live! Asleep or Joyfull! Even though Miles never did say a word or even take one little step on his own two feet...in many ways he had it all figured out. 

Here he's managing to be both asleep and joyful at the same time. : ) 

Overachiever! 

Jocie's 10th Birthday!!!!

Today is my beautiful Jocie's  10th Birthday! I can hardly believe she's 10. She still seems like such a little girl to me. She has the sweetest spirit. I'm so thankful for that. This afternoon she wrote a letter to God and she shared it with me. I just had to share it with you. It's a peek into her gentle and loving soul. 


Dear God, 
Thank you for being here for me and for my family in our hard times. We wouldn't be here without you God. It's been hard ever since Miles died and you've cheered us up. My best friend Larissa just left school and now I'm the only girl in my class. We're going to Fountaingate Fellowship and my friend goes to church there. I like going there but its hard because I miss Grace Point. My family can eat out once a week because of our budget. I'm liking it because we've tried different things like country grits and sausage casserole. I love you God and I should start talking to you more often. 
Love, Jocie


Thank you Lord for my precious Jocie girl! 

Good Grief Group Charlie Brown

Tonight I went to the first of 8 classes at Beltway for people dealing with the death of a loved one.

Man, who thought, "Let's get a bunch of depressed people together, talk about extremely depressing things and people will feel better?"

I met a couple that lost their son the same month as I lost Miles. It's a strange feeling. I was sitting by two people that actually Know what I've been dealing with and feeling. I wanted to push pause on the meeting, forget all social norms about sharing intimate details with strangers, and really talk about how incredibly hard it is to lose a child.

I had the sensation of what I think it must feel like for a person in a foreign land to run into someone from their hometown. I wanted to go over details and cry with them and for them. I wanted to find out how they have made it so far and find out what areas they really aren't making it. Yes, there were other people in the room, and some of them even had lost their child, but I think I was drawn to them since it's been the exact amount of time passed since our sons have died.

The mom did give me her number. I doubt I will call her. Still, it was nice of her to give it to me.

I'm glad I went even though it was sort of torturous. Almost as soon as I got there my throat closed up. The whole time it felt like if I opened my mouth and dared to speak Miles's name that I would begin to cry and not be able to stop. Several times I pictured myself getting up and running to the car. I wanted to escape, yet I also wanted to stay.

Today they talked about the 5 stages of Grief:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

I'm stuck momentarily at the Depression stage. Recently, I have had moments of feeling like myself. That makes me hopeful. I'm still not there though. I'm trying to be patient with myself, but it's hard because who in the world enjoys feeling so miserable all the time? I don't. It's frustrating to want to live life, but feel like you're stuck and not able to move forward. 

I plan on going through the rest of the sessions. I feel like it's at least something I can do to try and feel better. Also, I will hopefully be able to get to know some people that truly understand how I'm feeling. Plus, what else is there to do on Monday nights? 

For King & Country Busted Heart *LYRICS*

5 Months

5 Months

Today makes 5 months since Miles died. 

5 months.

5 really long, sad and draining months. 

This process of grieving really sucks. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I'm convinced that it's not always going to be this hard. I don't know when things will begin to feel better, but I do have confidence that the rest of my life will not feel this dark. 

I miss Miles, and I miss Me. I miss feeling like me. 

Mourning

My life is poured out like water, 

and all of my bones are out of joint.

My heart is like wax, 

melting within me.

My strength has dried up like

sunbaked clay.

My tongue sticks to the roof of my

mouth.

You have laid me in the dust

and left me for dead. 

Psalm 22:14-15

Middle School Dance

Randy and I were asked to be chaperones for the Fun Night at the boy's middle school. We agreed to do it. The Fun Night has all kinds of games to play, food to eat and basketball. It also has a Dance, and lucky us...we were asked to chaperone the dance. The PTA lady said, "Would you mind doing the dance? No one ever wants to the dance! It's really loud in there and you have to make sure the kids aren't dancing too close and all that." We told her that we would do it.

Well, here's the summary of the evening:

• I got to break up a cat fight in the girls bathroom. 
• A girl had an actual seizure. Randy had to carry her out and wait for help to arrive.
• We had to break up major girl on girl nasty dancing. 

and last but totally not least...

• Later one of the girl dancers we broke up came up to Randy and told him that he sucks balls.

So....obviously the night Rocked Our Faces Off! 

It's almost his birthday.

Next Wednesday would be Miles's birthday. He would turn 7.

I've thought that no less than 30 times today and yesterday and Saturday.

The thought of him not being here to celebrate his life takes my own breath away.

How am I going to get through that day?

We won't be able to give him Cotton Candy, which is the only thing we could give him because it would just dissolve on his tongue. He won't be here to take to the zoo. I usually used his birthday money from his aunt and uncle to buy a yearly zoo pass and then we would take him to the zoo. He loved being pushed around in his wheelchair outside. He won't be here to get all these kisses and hugs we have stored up for him.

It's not getting easier to be without him.

Is it possible that it's getting harder?

I'm walking around and going about my day, but it feels like my heart is aching with such intensity that I'm surprised other people can't feel it. It's so strong in me that it seems like it should be contagious.

How is it possible that all the days I have left on earth will be without that sweet face to kiss? It will be without his perfect curly hair and his innocent spirit.

4 Months

4 Months.

It's been 4 Months since Miles died. 

Here are some quotes that Inspire Me a little to keep going 

or quotes that bring some Truth to my situation. 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY... 

Pearl Street

(Photo from Silvia Pettem's book called "Positively Pearl Street." 

This morning I got to go window shopping in downtown Boulder, Colorado on Pearl St. 

In the evenings, especially the weekends it's usually packed with people and street entertainers. This morning it was mainly locals. Pearl Street is a great mix of Hippies, Yuppies, Homeless, Tourists and Weirdos. There's lots of coffee shops and bookstores. There's art galleries and neat places to shop. Bars, clothing shops, lots of places to eat. They have shops where you could buy trinkets and places where something could cost you a month's salary. 

I couldn't find the Hotel Boulderado to snap a picture, but I did find this little plaque that talked about the hotel. Several years ago Miss Melody was made here. : ) 

Shopping and Mountains. 

Pearl Street is a fun place to shop, eat and people watch...and make Melody's. 

Ugh, bad dreams.


I dream about Miles almost every night. The dreams usually have the same theme, but alter a little bit. 


Several times I've dreamt that we forgot to bury Miles. I've dreamt that I went to the cemetery and unburied him because I felt like he was still alive. One time I dreamt that I had him back for a minute, but then he died again. Recently I had a dream that he was healed, but then he died. Last night I dreamt that I knew Miles had died, but I never did bury him and we just kept carrying him around in the wheelchair and acting like he was still alive. 


The dreams are not uplifting. They aren't as devastating as they were at first, but at this point I'm dreading going to sleep and having another dream about him being buried or not. 

I Miss Him.

Lunch Time in Boulder

This afternoon my sister-in-law and I went to lunch in Downtown Boulder at a place called Mediterranean Restaurant . The place was really nice and totally not like any place I had been to before. The "thing to do there" is to order a bunch of small appetizers and then share them with everyone on the table. Each of the appetizers were about 3 bites of something. Now, normally when I think of restaurant appetizers I think of cheese sticks or something else fried. That's not the case here. These foods were so exotic (to me) that after looking over the menu for a minute I asked if she would just pick out what to order. I felt adventurous enough to try new things,  but I also knew that I could have a turkey sandwich at home if I didn't like the food.

I put a link to the lunch menu, but this is what we shared for lunch:

• DATILES- Bacon wrapped dates with parsley garlic sauce
• PINCHON MORUNO- Lamb brochette, calabrain chili mustard & sliced cucumbers
• CAPRESE- Fresh mozzarella, tomato basil
• FALAFEL- Chickpea croquette & tahini
• POLENTA- Crispy Polenta, Avalanche Cheese Co. Midnight Blue Cheese & sherry black pepper honey
• PROSCIUTTO & MELON- Sliced prosciutto, shaved cantaloupe melon, aged balsamic vinegar & parmesan blend

Whew! Even my spell check doesn't know what a lot of those things are! I'm serious! I think I ate at least 30 ingredients today that I've never eaten before in my whole life!!! First of all I've never had lamb before. I really liked it. It was a little hard to get out of my head that it was lamb, but the flavor was amazing. The chickpea croquettes were delicious and curious. My favorite was the polenta. It was strange. At first bite the polenta was sweet and then it had a savory texture and flavor and then it left you with a spicy taste in your mouth. It was so delicious. 

This place had a one page front and back menu for the food, but it had a four page front and back menu for the wine and beer. I should have had a glass of wine...I'm still kicking myself over it. However, I had to drive home from Boulder so I didn't want to take any risks, but really, one glass of wine would have been fine. Dang It! I was going to put a link to the wine list, but they just have a downloadable version...I guess because it's so dang long! 

Part of me wants to tell you that the place was Uh-Maz-Ing, and part of my wants to tell you it's WEIRD. I enjoyed the environment, and of course the company. I really enjoyed trying new things without saying, "Ew, that's yucky!" The food was great, but also confusing to my mouth with all the new things going on. I would totally recommend going though. It's a gorgeous restaurant with foods that you don't get to eat everyday. Or in my case...ever. (Until today)