love the book

I'm reading a book called The Supernatural ways of ROYALTY. It's written by Bill Johnson & Kris Vallatton. I got it last night from Bryan & Becky at our church leadership party.
Even the Foreword spoke to me. It said, "Much of what we desire in life is found in the tension of conflicting realities."
I've been saying this same thing over and over (even in my dreams) just not in one powerful sentence.
My desire is for Miles to be fully restored. The tension is that my Bible says that Jesus is a healer, but my conflicting reality is that my son is disabled.

I'm excited to see how the book resolves this conflict.


Here's another thing that I have to share:
Page 55
Forgiveness, in effect, changes the past. God's journal records our life from the perspective of His forgiveness and our faith. His Book of Remembrance doesn't contain our history of sin and stupidity. Consider Sarah, Abraham's wife. In Genesis 18 she, "Laughed within herself saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure my Lord, being so old also?"
And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh? Saying, "Shall I bear a child since I am old?" Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time, I will return to you, according to the time of life and Sarah will have a son."
But Sarah denied it, saying, "I did not laugh." For she was afraid.
And He said, "No, you did laugh."
The Hebrew word for laughter in this verse tells us that she didn't give a sheepish chuckle. She actually mocked God and what He had said, and then to make matters worse by lying to the Lord about doing so. But Hebrews 11:11 says, "By faith, Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed and she bore a child when she was past the age because she judged Him faithful who had promised."
This is the same woman! What happened? Apparently she repented, turning her heart to what God had declared to be her destiny. In doing so God rewrote her history, excluding her sin that is recorded in Scripture. What's written in Hebrews 11 shows us how God records our life's events in His Book of Remembrance. God's wrote her story in such a way as to emphasize what pleases Him the most-her faith. It seems as if He is boasting all over Heaven about Sarah, "Did you see that courage and that great faith? Here's a lady-she can't bear a child, but she knows I'm faithful!" You can see Him talking to the Scribe angel, "Make sure you put it like this..."That's my girl! She believed me-others wouldn't have, but she did!"

My response: Lord, I want you to say this about me! Could you do the same for me? Could I change my mind and know that you will heal Miles, and you would rewrite my history? Would you forgive all my previous doubts and even the times I've laughed in unbelief?
This really is my desire! I want to change my mind and never turn back to unbelief. I know that life is found in believing. I know that faith pleases God. I want it so bad that my heart aches for it. I also know that having faith/hope also makes the heart sick. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I have to remember that the longing fulfilled is so worth the heartache in the mean time.