Got Any Ideas?

This Saturday I’m speaking to the women of Morning Star Community Church. They’ve asked me to give my testimony.

I’m just having trouble narrowing down what to talk about exactly. I’m still pretty new there so they don’t know everything about me. I’m having a hard time deciding what direction I want to go in.

There’s the obvious testimony about how I became a CEO of Chili’s restaurants by the time I was 24? It’s a pretty big deal, and it was my idea to sell the Baby Back Ribs, but I don’t know if that’s what they’re looking for.

Randy said I should share about the time I saved those five kids from the burning orphanage, but I really just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Plus, the plastic surgery I’ve received to heal all the burns is so good that it makes it kind of hard to believe I didn’t have any skin left on three fourths of my face. I don’t want them to think I’m making something up.

I could talk about swimming the Atlantic, but that’s been done so many times.

Randy also thinks I should talk about how I invented the Internet, but we all know that Al Gore did. I don’t want to be too humble though because it was my idea to have a magic box that could tell me any piece of information that I wanted to know in a matter of seconds. I don’t think I invented the internet, but I did possibly invent Google.

What about when I Freed Willy? Nah.

How about when I was an Olympic Gymnast? No. People are kind of tired of the Olympics right now.

See what I mean? It’s hard to pick.

I could talk about my time in prison from that whole Enron incident. I better save that one for later because they really don’t know me that well and the word “prison” has such an awful stigma. Although, I did get my Master’s Degree in Basket Weaving there and I can’t tell you how much that’s come in handy!

Hmmm…my water birth amongst the dolphins? Too personal.

When I beat Chef Mario Batali on Iron Chef America? Too braggy.

How I won a guest cameo on General Hospital, but turned it down because I hate Soap Operas? I guess not. I don’t want them to think I’m stuck up.

I have so many choices, but I want them to be able to take away something they can apply to their own lives. That’s why I think I’m going to talk about how they can have Victory over Circumstances because God has overcome the World. Yeah, that sounds good. Plus, who really wants to hear about I invented the microwave when I was only like 6 months old? Nobody, that’s who.