(Read the lyrics)
Newsboys - I Am Free
From the album Houston We Are Go (Live)
Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams I am free
I am free
Chorus: (2x's)
I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you
(I am free to live for you)
I am free
(I am free)
Yes, I am free
(I am free)
Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams I am free
I am free
We used to sing this song a lot at our old church when Miles was much younger. It was a declaration song for me. I would hold Miles's hand and sing it over him. I would sing it to myself and allow my faith to build. I would meditate on the song and visually picture God making Miles see, God allowing Miles to sing, God allowing Miles to dance.
After hearing the song several times I changed the words. I would sing:
Through you Miles will see
Through you Miles will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you our hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams Miles is free
Miles is free
Chorus: (2x's)
Miles is free to run
(Miles is free to run)
Miles is free to dance
(Miles is free to dance)
Miles is free to live for you
(Miles is free to live for you)
Miles is free
(Miles is free)
Yes, Miles is free
(Miles is free)
I believed God would heal him. I believed Miles would see. I believed Miles would be free to run and dance. I believed Miles would be able to sing and live for God. I can't say my faith didn't waver. I can't say everyday I believed in those things, but my overall belief was that while on this earth Miles would be free and healed.
Today as the worship team began to play that song my faith, my spirit and my emotions were all at war within me. I wasn't able to hold Miles's hand today to declare that song over him. He wasn't here on this earth running around and dancing free. Yet, more than ever that song was true for Miles today. My spirit knows that's the truth. My faith is trying to work it all out to know it's true. My emotions are screaming, "That's not how I wanted it to happen!"
While on earth Miles was not free. He was bound in his own body. Without medication he couldn't even lift his own arms because of how tight his muscles were. He didn't have the ability to stand, run or dance. Yet, he is no longer bound by this earth or his body. Because of the price that Jesus paid Miles is free.
I feel like I'm paying a price too. It has cost me something to set him free. I poured my life and my love out on him for so long. I believed in his healing for so long. I was physically and emotionally invested for so long, and now I'm without him. There's a part of me that thinks about his true freedom now in Heaven and it really does comfort me. However, there's another part of me, a selfish part, a mother part of me that would yank him right back down from Heaven to be with me again.
Death was not the freedom I was hoping for Miles. Yet, I know he is Free.
Miles is free to run
(Miles is free to run)
Miles is free to dance
(Miles is free to dance)
Miles is free to live for you
(Miles is free to live for you)
Miles is free
(Miles is free)
Yes, Miles is free
(Miles is free)
P.S. Thank you Dan for the tissues.
3 comments:
I love his headstone's smiley face!!!
I have no idea whatsoever how you feel right now but I hear you.
This weekend ALL of my mom and Dad's grandchildren were together, alll 13 (sis-in-law pregnant with #14). My dad only met 4 of them. And even though I know my dad is in a better place with a healed and whole body I just can't help but think . . .
"this creates such a vacuum (aka sucks)"
We are made of flesh and as such we have fleshly wants. It's okay for you to want Miles back. You're not the only one. But even as you complain and express your frustration you also speak about our Lord's love and home in Heaven and His amazing plan for us all.
Your fleshly body wants Miles in it's arms. But your spiritual heart knows the truth and that sets that body free!!
Praying for you and your continued strength,
Nicole
I can't imagine how at war you must be. Big hugs....
S-Miles... I really like that.
(((hugs)))
And now I don't know what else to say. I feel so many things in my heart for you, my friend.
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