It's not easy.

I’m taking Miles to the doctor at 2:00 this afternoon. (Sunday) He hasn’t had a wet diaper in three days. I’ve been giving him liquid with a medicine dropper. He chokes on the liquid most of the time. He went to the doctor last Monday and he’s already finished the antibiotic. He’s been on breathing treatments for almost two weeks now. His body temperature has been consistently 90 degrees. He’s been sleeping like he’s in a coma. I’ve been barley able to get his medicine down every day. I was proud of that until I talked to Trish and she told me that since he hasn’t been getting any liquid that the medicine is highly concentrated and that it could damage his kidneys. He can’t breathe well. His lungs sound slushy. His bruise from his fall won’t go any where because he has poor blood flow. The kids have complained because they haven’t seen Miles smile in so long. My husband is freaking out because Miles is so sick. I’m in awe of how little I can help him. He’s been sick more this year than he hasn’t.

I called a friend the other day because I was overwhelmed with all of this and this is what she said, “The thing is that you and Randy make it look too easy. We don’t realize how hard it is.”

Well, to dispel that I thought I would tell you how severe it is.

Right now I just finished giving his breathing treatment. He hasn’t had a full meal in days. His body is shaking from the medicine in the breathing machine. His eyes are flittering trying to open, but they can’t. His mouth is hanging open. And I can hear his breathing.

I’m going to take him to the doctor and I’ll be very surprised if he isn’t admitted into the hospital. I passionately don’t want to go to the hospital. Do you have any idea how much juggling I have to do when he’s in the hospital? I have four other children.

Is this a bummer of a post?
Yes.
If I’m making it look too easy, well, let me tell you…It’s not.
It’s hard.
It’s life sucking hard.
It’s a lot of bad words that I don’t say hard.