Monday, November 16, 2009

With God All Things Are Possible...Even Joy.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

An ongoing trial has come to my life. For the last five years I have taken care of my son who has cerebral palsy, dystonia, cortical vision impairment, chronic hypothermia and brain damage. For a long time to consider my trial pure joy seemed unattainable. Yet, as my faith has continued to be tested I’ve felt the stretching and growth of perseverance developing in me.
There have been many times in the last five years that I would have traded “maturity, completeness & without lack” in a heartbeat. I’ve cried out to God several times for me to be able to see my son healed even if it meant that I didn’t finish the race I’ve been given to run. In the past I’ve been willing to give up my birth right for a bowl of soup. I’ve believed the lie that if Miles were healed that everything else in my life would be simpler and without heartache.
I’m not sure when it happened, but those are not things I feel anymore. At this time in my life I would not trade Miles’ healing for Perseverance’s lasting work. I would not want Miles’ healing out of God’s will and timing. I now refuse to give up my birth right for today’s fleeting pleasure. I now am sober to the fact that with this life comes trials and tribulations even when we’re right in the middle of God’s will.
Today I will not wrestle with God about the Why’s and the When’s. Instead when I take care of Miles I will consider it pure joy that my perseverance is well on it’s way to being made mature, complete and lacking in nothing.
Today, and for as long as it takes I will live in this tension where my son has brain damage and yet my God is a healer. I will consider this trial a joy. I will work as unto the Lord. I will continue to love Miles in a manor that honors God. As I go about the medical routine I will worship God by serving Miles. I will guard my heart from hopelessness. I will believe the best for Miles and continue to trust God with the desires of my heart.
Joy is not unattainable.




daughter of troops said...

Thank you for that post Brandi. You encouraged me to climb out of the pit of despair.