Thursday, March 31, 2011


My friend Jesse put something on Facebook today that totally cracked me up. He said, "When someone says "I don't like coffee" I just hear "I hate babies, Jesus and feelings like love & happiness." That made me think about when I started liking coffee.

I've always liked the smell of coffee, but I didn't actually like coffee until I was 26 or 27. When I was pregnant with Miles, Randy and I got to go on a mission trip to the Czech Republic. We were there for 10 days. I want to go back! Like right this minute!
Everyday while we were there our group and the people that were leading us around would stop for coffee sometime in the late afternoon. I don't remember what day into the trip Randy and I decided to try the coffee, but we've been drinking it every since. We're not crazy coffee drinkers that have to have it before conversations in the morning. We actually don't even have it everyday. Although I've been having everyday lately. : )

Soon after we returned from the Czech Republic we went to K-Mart and bought a coffee pot, cute mugs & creamers. We went back home, put all our children to bed, opened up the box, set up the coffee machine, made coffee, drank coffee and THEN an hour later we were still awake and not tired at all. THEN an hour later we were laughing wildly while we jumped on the trampoline at midnight. Yeah, I was still pregnant at the time! you think the coffee was making us stay up??? We literally had no idea that coffee would do that to us!

Well, recently I realized that Randy had been avoiding coffee. Then the other day he ordered Decaf at a restaurant. I asked him what the deal was and he told me that he didn't like the jittery feeling from coffee so he hasn't been drinking it. I also feel the same way. I only have a tiny little cup of coffee when I drink it in the morning or else I get the "crazies."

Because I get the crazies & because Spencer has been drinking coffee with me in the mornings I have been making it weak. 1.) So I wouldn't get the crazies. 2.) So Spencer wouldn't get too much caffeine. 3.) So I could drink more.

When I found out that Randy wanted decaf and I've already been making the coffee weak I went ahead and switched from

to this:

Half-Caff!!! That should have worked right???

Well, here's the deal. Since purchasing the Half-Caff I've gone from making very weak coffee to making really strong Half-Caff and now I'm actually drinking more caffeine than I was before! Thus, making the purchase useless.

Speaking of coffee...Look what Randy surprised me with yesterday...

What a man! I love him! He makes me feel loved!

AnyWho...Me Likey the Coffee Jesse! and babies and Jesus and feelings of love & happiness!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Still thinking about it...

Big Big Decision for me to make!

I've seriously been considering trying nurse care again. For those that remember my Psycho Nurse Experience you'll know why this is such a big deal to me. You may think that "Psycho Nurse" is too harsh of a term, but it's my blog and my experience so the name "Psycho Nurse" stays. : )

I could have been getting help from a nurse all this time, but I've enjoyed taking care of Miles. However, these last 6 months have been draining physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I think both Miles and I could benefit from some help. I've been debating and praying about this for a month. I've needed some things to fall into place before deciding to do it, and all of them have gone through.

Today I made a call and have at least started the process. I don't know how long it will take, but I'm not in a hurry really. I'm planning on having someone here from 8 in the morning until 12. That's 20 hours a week. It's not really going to give me any extra time, however, it will take a lot of work off my plate. I will be homeschooling Spencer while the nurse does all Miles's morning stuff. For example: catheter, enema, breathing treatments, shaker, food, bath, get him dressed, diapering, brush teeth, hand splints, medicines, standing frame lotion, clean up. I do these things in between what I'm doing with Spencer. So like I said, it won't give me extra time, but it will be so nice to have all those things done. A good thing about these hours are if the nurse can't show up for the day it's really not going to be that big of a deal. I will still be at home so I will do the work for the day.

This time I will do things differently.
Of course I will be nice, but I won't be looking for a friend.
If a nurse doesn't work out for our family I will change to another one.
If it doesn't work out then I will just do it all myself again.

I was talking to Rachel about this the other day. She said that it sounded like I was expecting them to send a Carnie to my house. : ) Hopefully that won't happen. I've just been praying. I know if it's the Lord's plan for me to have some help from a nurse that He has the perfect one planned out for us. I would love prayer about this situation. This is a really big deal for me. I would not even consider getting nurse care for a very long time. Randy and I felt extremely violated by the previous nurse. I've had time to heal and I know I'm at a place where help would make a lot of difference in my daily life.

I will keep you updated.


Recently my awesome friend Jennifer gave me a NOOK. It's Barnes & Nobles version of the Kindle. I have wanted a Kindle for YEARS! I've now had the Nook for a few weeks and I can't believe how much I love it! It's small enough to fit in my purse so I can take it with me all the time. When I'm waiting for Joey to get to the car I can pull out the Nook and read. The other night when Randy had to "run into Lowes" I had something to read. I'm plowing through books with this thing!

Yesterday I was looking through Barnes & Nobles "Steals 'n' Deals" and I found something incredible! For .99 cents I was able to buy 25 Favorite Novels! For .99 cents I bought 6,262 pages of the classics! How is that possible??? The books are:

Pride & Prejudice
Sense and Sensibility
Mansfield Park
Anne of Green Gables
Anne of Avolea
Anne of the Island
Little Women
Little Men
Jo's Boys
Jane Eyre
Wuthering Heights
The Call of the Wild
The Secret Garden
A Little Princess
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
The Scarlet Letter
The House of the Seven Gables
Wives and Daughters
Sons and Lovers
The Scarlet Pimpernel
O Pioneers!
My Antonia

It amazes me that I can own all of those books for just .99 cents. I can pull out the Nook from my purse and instantly be able to read these incredible books. My girls love some of these books too so it's been fun for them to use. Joey even did some laundry the other day to earn enough money to buy a Star Wars book for the Nook, which he ended up reading within 2 days! : )

Anyway, I'm thankful for the gift and have enjoyed it very much.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


What is this feeling I have?

Is. It....?

Could it possibly be...

I think it is.


Oh My God in Heaven! I feel Normal!

WIll it last? Don't know. As I click PUBLISH NOW will the feeling go away and my life turn back upside down? I don't know. Miles has been feeling good the last several days. Will he crash again? I have no idea.

However, I do know that right now, in this moment. I feel normal. I feel like myself. My world feels right and good. I have some Yellow in my Blue if you will. (E)


I'm going to hurry and go shave my legs while all is right with the world.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


I don't really have much to say, but I can't stand that vomit picture on the previous post so I'm just trying to take up some space so I don't have to see that photo when I check out my blog to see if anyone commented. : )

Spring Break is here. We have nothing planned and that in itself is lovely. I went to bed at 11:30 last night and the kids were still up doing whatever they were doing. It's 9:33 in the morning and they're all still asleep so I have the beautiful sound of silence going on in my home. Even the dog is still snuggled up on top of the boys sleeping.

I love a good schedule. If I had to pick schedule or no schedule I would pick schedule, but it's so nice to get a break from it too. Randy and some of the kids went to go eat ice cream at 10:00 last night. They had so much fun. Those are the kinds of things you can do without a schedule. I do feel bad for Randy though in times like these. We keep him up way too late and he leaves for work when we're all still asleep. We may go to San Angelo one day this week. We love making day trips there. It's only a little over an hour to get there. We like to go to all the shops downtown. Also, they have the best thrift store called Christians in Action. It's the size of a Wal-Mart but filled with strange and wonderful and cheap things. I don't even like to go to San Angelo if I can't go to that store. One time I went there Randy bought me a bulk of greeting cards. For about $40 he bought almost 2,000 cards! I had so much fun sorting them into categories. I have them in my storage building and when I need a card I just go get one. I'm covered for all Birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs, First Communions, Weddings, Pastor Appreciations, Thanksgiving...and Many More! : ) Just knowing that I have them makes me very happy!

I've been feeling crafty lately. It's helped me to keep my mind off the doom and gloom around here. I've been making aprons. I won't talk too much about that now because I may write a post on it soon.

I had a friend call me today to tell me that she dreamed about Miles all night. He was talking and adorable. That's the third person that has told me they've dreamed about Miles and he was walking and talking. The way things are looking I would not be surprised if that's what ends up happening. I have come to the place where I know nothing. I don't know what God has planned for Miles, but I know He's big enough to make those plans happen with or without me. I'm all for Miles walking and talking! Bring it on!

My friend Jennifer brought me over a special surprise on Saturday! She gave me the NOOK. It's Barnes and Nobles version of the Kindle. It's so cool. Joey and I have been trading it off back and forth. It makes reading convenient. Plus it made me feel loved. You can get through anything with friends, family and a church like mine!

I guess that's all for the rambling.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Roller Coaster!!!!

I've never really liked Roller Coasters. I enjoy going to Six FLags. I enjoy a lot of the rides, but I don't like the big roller coasters.

It's not that I'm afraid of...

I just don't like the feeling I get when I ride them. I don't like being scared. I don't like the feeling of my stomach bottoming out. I don't like leaving the seat. I don't like hitting my head. I just don't like it Sam I Am.

It all started back as a child at the West Texas Fair and Rodeo. My step-dad made me ride THE ZIPPER with my brother Chris. I had already taken a good look at the ride and decided that I wasn't interested in it. This picture doesn't do The Zipper that I rode justice. This looks like a nice and clean ride.

This ride looks like it's been maintained, painted and put together by some fine engineers that really care about safety.

The Zipper I rode looked like it was put together by this guy.

I really didn't want to get on the ride. I cried. I pleaded. I was given an ultimatum: Get On The D@*^ Ride or You're Going Home!

SO I got on the ride.
Yep, I hated it. I actually hated it more than I thought I would hate it. It wasn't that I thought I was going to die. It was that I KNEW I was going to die! I actually heard parts rolling around in the cart with us. The door kept flapping open a little. I was being turned upside down against my will. I was holding onto my little brother for dear life. I was hoping that his life could be spared. When the ride was stopping we were the ones to get stuck at the top while everyone else was getting their freedom. I'm not sure why this happened but we were skipped when we made it to the ground. They had to make it go around once more before they let us out. I was mad as a hornet when I got out. I was white as a ghost and my knees were shaking. Nope, not my thing.

I did ride roller coasters after that, but I didn't like it. Several years ago I was at Six Flags with Randy and one or two of the boys and I had a revelation...I Don't Have To Go On the Roller Coasters If I Don't Want To!!! It was so freeing! I didn't care if they wanted to go on them, and I didn't mind waiting in line with them. I just didn't have to go on them if I didn't want to. Six Flags became fun for me again!

Well, for the last 5 months I have felt like my life is a ROLLER COASTER!
Miles has almost died so many times right before my eyes.
He's turned colors.
He's had so much trouble breathing I could hear him in the other room.
He's been in terrible pain.
The hospice nurses told me at one time that Miles probably only had a few days to live.
That was 3 weeks ago!
His lungs have been slushy with pneumonia.
They've also been clearer than they've been in years.
He's been on crazy doses of pain medication.
He's also had days where he looks completely fine.
He's been on oxygen for 24 hours a day.
Some days he doesn't need it at all.
One day his heart could beat so fast it seems it will beat right out of his chest.
The next day his heart rate could be normal.
Today he's smiling and having the best day he's had in months.
A couple of days ago his hospice nurse quadrupled his pain medication because she saw him in so much pain.
Today he's pain free.
When I get up in the morning I feel like this:

I don't know what to expect. In the mornings I don't know if Miles is going to be in pain, covered in mucus, barely breathing, dead or feeling great and alert. I really have no idea.
It's like I'm being forced back into THE ZIPPER even though I already declared that I hate roller coasters and that I don't want to get on.

This Roller Coaster with Miles makes THE ZIPPER seem like:

The Ups and Downs the High and Lows...I hate it. I want off.

I've decided that God obviously has a plan for Miles. I've also decided that there's nothing I can do to hinder that plan or to speed up that plan. I just wish that God would clue me in on part of the plan so I don't feel like this everyday:

Friday, March 04, 2011

Jocie & Melody

I overheard the cutest conversation between Jocie and Melody the other day. They were in my room brushing their hair before school. I was still laying in bed and pretending to be asleep. : )

Jocie (matter of fact) : I'm praying for Joey today because he has his TAKS test today.

Melody (matter of fact) : I'm praying for Miles.

Jocie (a little irritated) : Well, if Joey doesn't pass his TAKS test then he can't even go to the 8th grade!

Melody (a little exasperated) : WELL, if Miles doesn't get better then he can't even go to school! And he needs to go to school so he can learn more about God!

Jocie (matter of fact) : Miles already knows about God.

Melody (matter of fact) : Well, he needs to learn more about God than just people praying for him!

They were actually arguing over which brother needed more prayer that day. So cute.

Why is one girl in a t-shirt and the other in a sweater???