Something I really wish I had was one great picture of Miles and I together. I'm the picture taker around here so I don't have one. I have amazing pictures of Miles. I have some pictures I treasure of Miles with the kids and Randy. I just don't have one of me with him.
I would love a picture of me snuggled up in his bed with my head on his shoulder and my arm around him. That seems to be the spot I miss most. I loved the way his pajamas felt.
I wish there was a plain everyday picture of Randy and I working together in the evenings doing Miles's night routine. Years and years we chose Miles over our own exhaustion to do all the things he needed to survive. There were so many things that had to be done at night and we did them every night. Medicines ready, catheter, night feeds, breathing treatments and The Vest. I wish I would have thought to have the kids take a quick snapshot of us.
On the last Mother's Day he was here I kept thinking I wanted Randy to take a picture of me with all five of the kids. It ended up being one of the crappiest days and I never got him to do it. Miles died 2 weeks later and I don't have that picture with just me and my babies.
I wish there was an unposed photo of me in the hospital with Miles. One where I was just doing the stuff I had to do. One that showed how intense the situation was yet also somehow showed the peace I had. I have lots of pictures with Miles and Randy in the hospital and shots of Miles and the kids at the hospital, but none of me and Miles. I was there almost every minute of every hospital stay. Not one photo.
I wish I had a picture of Miles and I at the waiting room in Dr. Wiley's office. We were there so often. Sometimes once a week (sometimes even more than that.) I would sit at the edge of my chair and have his wheelchair sideways in front of me. I would pat his chest and make him smile. If he was asleep I would prop my arms up on his wheelchair and read or play on my phone. I have that picture in my head now, but I know in time it will probably fade away and I want to remember it.
I would love to have a photo of me singing over Miles when he didn't feel good, in the hospital or after surgeries. I would often sing, "Jesus. Jesus. Jeeeeesssus. There's just something about that name. Master, Savior, Jesus like the fragrance after the rain. Kings and Kingdoms will all wash away. There's just something about that name." I would also sing, "Jesus' blood never failed you yet. Never failed you yet. Jesus' blood never failed you yet. This one thing I know...That he loves you so."
I wish there was a picture of us where we're both just happy and smiling. As heartbreaking as so many situations were during his lifetime there were infinitely more situations where love conquered all, where peace passed all understanding and the joy of the Lord was our strength. I wish I had a picture of us just enjoying being together.
With all my heart I wish I had a picture of Miles next to me at church. During worship I would hold his hand and lift my own. I was always praying for him and singing over him. I still feel so off balanced without him at church. For years I had his sweet hand to hold on to.
Lord, please help me to keep these pictures in my heart and mind to remind me of how fiercely I loved him.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
A few times last week I noticed that Melody’s bra was riding up and making things look weird. She doesn’t wear real bras but little sporty tank top bras. Anyway, like I said I noticed that “things” weren’t looking right. I had to keep telling her to pull her bra down. She told me that she had to keep pulling it down all day long. I decided she must have outgrown hers and needed some new ones. When I was at the store I was looking at the little girl sport bras. I couldn’t figure out the right size so I decided to wait until Monday (yesterday) to take her with me to the store to make sure and get the correct fit.
Well, yesterday flew by and I never did make it to the store with her. Last night Jocie asked me if she wanted me to just let Melody borrow some of her bras until I got to the store. I told her that would be great, but Melody complained that she doesn’t like Jocie’s. I told her that she would just have to wear Jocie’s until I got to the store.
Last night before bed she came into the kitchen where Randy and I were. She only had her sleep shorts and one of Jocie’s bras on. She walked in and immediately I said, “Oh gosh! You’re right! Those do not fit right!” The fit was very awkward and pointless. Randy said, “Um, isn’t it just on backwards?”
I helped Melody turn it around and it fit perfect. It was on backwards! She insisted that’s the way Jocie told her to put it on…with the white side in the back. I went to Jocie’s room to talk to her and make sure she wasn’t wearing her bras backwards. Jocie said that she didn’t tell Melody that and she doesn’t wear them like that. So, I showed Melody some of her bras and asked her how she would put them on and The Girl Has Been Wearing Them Backwards!!! We were all laughing so hard.
When I picked the girls up from school today Melody immediately told me, “Man, my bra fits sooooo much better! I didn’t have to pull it down one time today!”
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Once upon a time, several months back my awesome brother-in-law Richard...
bought me an iPad!!!
Yes Richard, I had to steal your only Facebook photo.
Well, a few months ago my eldest son Joey may or
may not have...dropped said iPad thus breaking the sound button.
This made Joey very sad.
Well, Randy, my beloved husband can fix anything right?!? I mean he can build a whole house from start to finish! He can fix bikes, plumbing and gates that hang wrong! Surely, he can fix an iPad button! He took his trusty screw driver to fix the button and....
Oopsi! He cracked the iPad screen!
Now, my photo isn't available from when this happened. Who even remembers what I said exactly? There's rumor that I crumbled up the pie crust I was working on, chunked it in the kitchen sink and went out for a breather, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't sound like me! Don't you agree? I probably....
said something dainty like, "Oh sweetheart, thanks for giving it a try! You're so loved and appreciated."
Well, to fix the iPad screen by a place in town was quoted at $160. That wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The iPad was put on a high shelf while we waited on the $160 fairy to drop by the house. A couple of weeks went by and we were still waiting so I took it off the high shelf and began to play with it. I figured out that it was still useable if you didn't mind a tiny piece of glass in your finger every once in a while.
I didn't let the kids play with it since I wanted to protect their delicate fingers from the glass! It wasn't all bad having the screen cracked. I actually got a lot more play time with the iPad because I didn't have to share it with all the little people. (Glass half full kind of girl!)
One day Randy is looking on eBay and finds a Do It Yourself Kit to replace the iPad screen.
Um....how do I put this nicely?
Randy decided to look on Youtube to find an instructional video on replacing the screen (laymen's term) Digitizer (professional term.) He found a video...
Now, I was sitting next to him while he watched the 14 minute video. All I could hear over and over again was, "Watch out! Make sure you don't break the blah blah blah."
All he heard was, "Oh yeah, I could fix it!"
He bought the kit off eBay for $46 (including shipping) from Hong Kong and a couple of weeks later this arrived...
Yes, that's a photo of a tiny baby suction cup.
He sat down at the kitchen table THAT HE BUILT FROM A TREE IN OUR YARD...
and He Fixed it!!!
Now I can get back to playing mindless games on the iPad with sound! Yeah, he fixed the sound button too!
After he was done I mentioned to him that he could totally do this sort of thing as a side business! iPad and iPhone screens crack all the time! He saved us a ton of money! He just gave me "the look." That business isn't going to happen...BUT if it ever does...I'm going to have a Side Side Business by placing one of these babies in his iPad screen fixing shop!
I would make some bank!
End of the story? Not quite yet.
I told the kids they couldn't play with the iPad again until we saved enough money to buy an Otter Box for the iPad.
We are well on our way! : )
(Picture taken today with iPad!)
Friday, February 03, 2012
Ok Everyone...Lay Hands on this application and pray with me!
I'm about to fill out an application for Cornerstone Christian School to teach KINDERGARTEN in the fall! I'm so excited! For those that have known me for a long time you know that it's been my heart's desire to teach this class! The current teacher, and one of my amazing mentors is retiring this year. She's been telling me for years that she hopes I will be her replacement. I do too!
I love the age of the kids in Pre-K and Kindergarten. They are so teachable. They love their teachers and learning new things. They love singing songs and being silly. Maybe that's why I feel so at home with them. : ) I've subbed in that class for years and I've also been a teacher's aide part time. I've worked with kids for money and I've worked for free and either way it brings me great joy. I just feel good when I'm in that setting. I love encouraging the kids to do well. I love teaching them new things. I love hearing their funny stories and their take on things. I love how full of faith and love they are. Several times while being a teacher's aide I caught myself thinking, "I could easily do this for the rest of my life." It just feels like a perfect fit.
For the last 14 years I've been at home with my own precious babies. I'm so thankful I was able to stay at home with them. The Lord has been so faithful to us financially to help us raise 5 children on a one person income. It's funny, I think about over the years, having 5 children in 6 years and having them running all over the house. It was a sweet time in those early years. Not everyday was smooth sailing, but most days were filled with giggles, games and giant messes. I wouldn't trade those times! Then we moved into small school age children, reading books and lots of crafty stuff. Next up was 4 of the kids in school while I stayed at home with Miles. Those days were filled with doctor visits, lunch dates and lots of snuggling. Now, it's a new season for all of us, but especially me.
I had a couple of tiny jobs before I had kids while I was in college, but for the most part I've never had a real job. I watered plants for a flower shop. I was a nail technician for a little while when Randy and I were first married. My first job was selling the newspaper over the phone. (I wasn't so great at that.) I've volunteered a lot though at the kid's school over the years and also in children's church.
My lack of job experience seemed like a "Goliath" to me until I realized that if I'm supposed to get the job then none of the rest will even matter. God will put me exactly where He wants me! I have no doubt about that. I totally trust Him to give me the job or to totally prevent me from getting it if He has other plans for me! That's what is so exciting to me! I know that I will either be teaching Kindergarten next year which has been a huge dream and goal of mine OR He has something else beautiful in store for me. I don't feel any pressure about it at all.
I do have one precious thought that keeps coming to mind though...Isn't it just like the Lord to give me lots and lots of children over the next several years to replace the one beautiful child I lost? I don't really mean replace, but you know what I mean.
Anyway, I didn't plan on writing all that. I'm just excited. I've been subbing the last 3 weeks in the Pre-K class. During that time there's been a lot of talk lately about the possibility of me being the Kindergarten teacher next year and it has been a great excitement for me. It's been healing to have something to look forward to after these last several months of deep mourning.
Joy instead of mourning.
Beauty for ashes.
Praise instead of despair.
(That's what the thought of teaching does for my soul.)
So, dear sweet friends of mine...will you pray for me? Will you agree with me that if I'm supposed to be the new Kindergarten teacher for Cornerstone Christian School next year, that I WILL BE?