Thursday, February 24, 2011

Precious Jocie

Last night Jocie sat down in Miles's room and wrote him a letter, but she wrote it to Miles from God's perspective. I saw her working on it and after awhile I heard her sniffling and then later crying. I didn't interrupt her. I just let her work out her emotions. When she was done she brought it to me so I could read it. No shocker here...but I cried like a baby. When she brought it to me I was in the bathroom getting Miles's pain medications pre-made for the night. After I read it she started crying so hard and told me that she was scared that Miles was going to die. I sat down (on the closed toilet) and we held each other and cried and talked for a long time. She has such a tender heart. Here's her note to Miles:

Dear Miles, I hope you get better. I've been praying for you so much. I feel very very sorry. I truly know that deep down in the bottom of you're heart you love me. I see you every day and I know how you feel. I can't stop thinking about you. I pray that you will be able to run, and jump, and walk, and talk, and tell how you feel. I will keep you safe through a fire, a tornado, a earthquake, a hurricane, and every other dangerous in you're life that may hurt you. Once again I hope you get better. You're Creator God XOXOX

Later she put the paper in our jar. It was a very special time together and I think it helped her to talk it out.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

My Sweet Spencer

A couple of hours ago I wrote my previous post, and all those things are still going on, but at the same time I'm not only Miles's mom. I'm also Joey's mom and Spencer's mom and Jocie's mom and Melody's mom.

We live very close to a Dollar General. The kids really enjoy walking over there as soon as they get a dollar. However, Spencer LOVES going over there. After we got our schoolwork finished today I gave him a couple of dollars (something I VERY RARELY do) so he could go over to Dollar General. He went over there while I went to pick the other kids up from school.

When I came back home there was a note in the entry way from Spencer that read: To Mommy, I put 3 boxes around the house and stuck stuff in them. When you find them all you can open and have what's inside. From, Spencer

Does this kid know my love language or what??? Gifts & Surprises!!!
Here are the boxes! He made them!

He made them out of Leggos!!! That means extra points for creativity!

Here's Spencer after I found all three boxes. How adorable is that face?

And what happened to be in the box??? My favorite candy!!! They only come around at Easter time and I tend to eat way too many of them! Cadbury Bunny Eggs! You either love them or hate them. I love them. I haven't had one this season so I was pumped!

What a special treat. I'm a blessed woman. My days lately are the hardest and sweetest days I've ever had.

Mini Update

Man, where would I begin if I tried to lay out the details of my life right now?

There's plenty of heart wrenching things I could tell you. It's a heavy tale with mucus, blood, oxygen, drugs and sadness.

Maybe I will write down the details soon. Maybe I won't.

At the same time there's a wonderful tale with love, gifts, food, van, visits and singing.

The hospice nurses have said that Miles probably only has a few days left. A mother's heart does not process this well. I've had so many people check on me, do nice things for my family and come by to love on my sweet son. With each act of kindness it feels like ministering angels coming to heal my soul.

This is the worst thing I've ever had to do. Miles is now on pain medication 24 hours a day. For about an hour last night he was only taking in breaths about every 5 seconds. I'm pretty sure the other day when I got him out of the bath he stopped breathing. He turned completely white and limp. It was so frightening.

I love him so much. I can't imagine not having him. The other night I crawled into bed with him and fell asleep with my head on his shoulder. I was just laying there holding him and wanting to soak him into me so I could keep him forever. I just wanted to feel him so close to me.

PLEASE PRAY FOR US! We need PEACE. I need PEACE. My husband needs PEACE. My 4 other children need PEACE. My sweet Miles needs PEACE in his body.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Mr. & Mrs. S

“Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” ~Romans 8:35-37

This scripture is so fitting for us right now. Although Randy and I often feel like everything in our life that can be shaken is being shaken we continue to see God show our family favor. There have been many small kindnesses shown to us that have really added up. There have also been some BIG things that have happened that has helped to make this sad time in our lives full of love and sweetness. For Instance:

While I was at the hospital with Miles in Ft. Worth during December Randy had gone to Lowes one day to buy some materials for a job he was working on. While he was there he saw his old principal from Lincoln Middle School. Let’s pause and remember how long ago Randy was in middle school. It was over 20 years ago! Not only did Randy recognize him, but he also went and said hi to him. This is something I would probably never do! He’s like that though. Anyway, he went up to Mr. S and introduced himself and explained that he used to be one of his students at Lincoln. The man was glad to see him although they did not know each other back then. Mr. S asked if Randy had a family and Randy told him that he was married and had 5 kids. They chatted for a minute and then Randy said goodbye because he had to go buy the materials for work. As Randy walked off Mr. S called back to him and asked, “So, how is your family?”

Considering where we were at the time Randy thought that was very interesting. Since Mr. S asked, Randy told him about how sick Miles was and that we were in the hospital in Ft. Worth. Mr. S said that he would pray for Miles. Randy thanked him and then went about his business.

Later that day Randy received a voicemail on his cell phone from MRS. S. The message asked Randy to please call her back because she heard about our family. Randy called her back and she was very kind. She wanted to know the other kid’s names and ages and stuff like that. Randy finally asked her how in the world she got his cell phone number because he had not given it to Mr. S and we don’t advertise. She asked, “Are you really going to make me answer that?” Randy said, “I guess not.”

Anyway, she asked if her and Mr. S could come over to our house that evening so they could meet him and the other kids. He said they could come over, and they did. The couple came to our house and talked to the kids. They asked if we had a “place of worship” and before they left they gave Randy an envelope with $300 cash in it! They had felt like God had directed them to do it and they were obedient. Before they left Randy asked Mrs. S again how she got his number but she basically said, “If I told you I would have to kill you.” I guess the $300 bought his silence because he didn’t make her divulge her sources.

I was so impressed with how brave they were. They didn’t just find out where we lived and drop an envelope in our mailbox. They came to our house and talked with our family, and I’m sure they were prepared to invite us to church if we didn’t already have one. It was so generous of them! You know everyone can use extra money in December! Randy was able to buy groceries and to give some to the kids to spend on Christmas presents. They had a lot of fun with that. Most of all though it made us feel taken care of! These people were complete strangers to us and yet they were used by God to make us feel like he was still so close to us.

THEN about 2 weeks ago I was doing home school with Spencer when my cell phone rang. It was Mrs. S. She started to explain who she was and I told her I knew who she was and I was able to thank her for her generosity. (I still had not met her and we hadn’t heard from them since that night.) Well, she told me that her and Mr. S had still been praying for our family and they felt like they were supposed to OPEN UP SAVINGS ACCOUNTS FOR ALL OF OUR CHILDREN!!! Do I need to remind you about how many children we have? FIVE! Yes! FIVE!

Today Randy met Mr. S at the bank while the savings accounts were being opened! Several times Mrs. S said that she wished they could have put a 100 times more money in there than they could, but that hopefully it will grow into more. They plan on adding to it here and there. Also, the kids can add their own money to the account. This definitely had Joey’s wheels turning! Poor Jocie though, she just “didn’t get” why you would want to money in the bank that you couldn’t spend! She was cracking us up. She was so confused with the whole thing. Melody was asking if buying Baby Dolls was a good reason to pull money out of her savings. (No) Joey tried explaining the whole process to the girls after Randy and I had given up. I wish I could have the whole conversation recorded because it was so humorous.

Anyway, I’m so thankful for Mr. & Mrs. S for their faithfulness and their generosity. I feel so inspired by them. Their obedience has made us feel taken care of by God. I think it’s so neat that the Lord used perfect strangers to show us his presence in our lives. Yesterday I saw a book called “God Winks.” It looked cheesy so I didn’t buy it, but it was about these sorts of situations where God shows up in “coincidences” to show you His love.

Thank you Lord for that sweet WINK! Use me to WINK for you!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Love Day!

Happy Valentine's Day my Lovely Friends! Here's a sweet picture of my Valentine!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

All You Need is LOVE

This is one LOVED little Boy!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Jennifer's Gift

Well, I gave

her present last night! I've decided not to divulge what I gave her because if you had won I wouldn't have given you the same thing. It was something for her that I knew she would love.

I will tell you though that I heard , "Oh No You Di' INT!" and some of my favorite words, "BEST PRESENT EVER!!!"

Again, thank you for all the lovely words of encouragement! I will keep them forever!

Friday, February 11, 2011

And the winner is...

Yesterday a new American Classified (It will always be Thrifty Nickel to me) came out and there was a sweet sweet ad in there FOR ME!!! Randy, who apparently is the sweetest husband ever put this note in there for me and then took me to eat lunch yesterday and let me find it in the paper by telling me "hot and cold." How sweet is that? It was very fun. "You get your name in the pape and you're famous!" (quote from Newsies)

Anyway, I know you want to know who the winner is!!!!! I put all your names on a pretty piece of paper and then picked one out of a bag.(Carolyn got 2 just like I told her she would!) Before I reveal the winner...I just want to say that ALL OF YOUR WORDS MEANT SO MUCH TO ME! They made me feel so good! I love you all!


My Funny Jennifer! She is basically the Polar Opposite of me! That's probably why we're such good friends! I've seen her grow and mature in so many areas. She's always striving to be more than she is today. Several years ago I had the honor of baptizing her in Clyde Lake! I love her so much and I know if anyone messes with me she's the one I can call if I need someone to be Throat Punched!

I will show you the prize she gets after she receives it!!! (Which will be tonight.)


Wednesday, February 09, 2011

If You Want Me To

Song by Ginny Owens
She’s a singer/songwriter who also plays the piano and also happens to be completely blind. She says that her music comes from pages in her journal. Today it felt like it came out of my own journal. This song is old. We’ve had it for a long time, but it came alive again today when I was taking care of Miles who happened to look like this:

If You Want Me To
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you
I’m going to walk through the valley
If you want me to

Cause I’m not who I was when I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise you’re not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will go through the fire
If you want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear you answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering your love put you through
And I will go through the valley if you want me to

Don't forget to sign up on the Fun Giveaway post for your chance to win a super prize!!! Contest will end on Friday!

Monday, February 07, 2011

Fun Giveaway!!!!

Raise your hand if you LOVE winning stuff!!!

I know my hand is raised!

The great thing is that I often win things. Apparently I've also passed this down to my son Spencer. Pretty much if Spencer or I have signed up for something you would like to win you might as well give up because one of us will probably win. Sometimes I even have to pray someone else will win a prize because I don't want to win every prize everywhere. I want others to be blessed too. : ) Hey! I've actually done that before!

Anyway, here's the deal. I know you like prizes and I like COMMENTS and WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT.'s the deal:

Leave me a comment on my blog (preferably) or my Facebook status that links to my blog (acceptable) telling me how much you adore me, my writing, my kids, my mechanic skills, my husband...whatever and your name will go into a drawing for an AWESOME SUPER DUPER PRIZE!!!

Here's the deal: I'm not telling what the prize is because I don't know who will be the winner yet. Let me assure you though, I have great gift giving skills! I've got a few ideas going, but it all depends on who will win! I've got man prizes and women prizes in mind!!! I've even got a Pam Prize in mind if she wins!

New and old readers can enter to win! I will mail out of town winners.

I will do the drawing Friday sometime because most good things happen on Fridays don't ya think?

**If you don't have a blogger account it's really easy to sign up so you can comment on blogs all the time!**

Friday, February 04, 2011

Peace one Piece at a Time

Obviously I've been having a hard time about Miles lately. Usually I pride myself on not being much of a "crier." I can probably officially quit saying that. I can't remember a time in my whole life where I've cried even before getting out of bed (besides the last couple of weeks.) I'm not even depressed. I'm just heartbroken.

ANYWAY! I don't plan it being one of those crying posts.

My point is the other day I had a lovely Hobby Lobby gift card given to me. Have I ever mentioned my LOVE for gift cards? Oh I love the free money feeling! I usually hold onto them and dream about what I will spend it on. On Monday of this week I knew the snow was a-comin'. So I asked my mother in law if she could watch the kids a little while so I could go to Hobby Lobby. As I look back I'm thinking that my time could have been more wisely spent buying groceries for the family since we are out of everything now, but I had no idea the snow would still be around! Honestly, I think I spent my time very wisely. The "fruit" from my Hobby Lobby trip has brought a fruit of the spirit back to me that I had been missing for awhile...PEACE.

While I was shopping I didn't have anything in particular that I wanted to buy. I was just looking around. I found a glass craft cube. I've looked at them before but never knew what I would do with them. They were half off (my love language) and as I held it a scripture came to mind where it talks about how God's thoughts about us are more numerable than the grains of sand. That's what I had been feeling about the number of thoughts/fears I've had about Miles lately. As I held the glass cube I had an idea...or an idea was given to me. You pick.

I thought about getting the jar and some bright colored trinkets and putting a trinket in the cube every time I thought about Miles as sort of a way to release my fears into the cube. Is this feeling too new-agey for you? I admit it sounds a little hokey, but it's really helped me. I went down every aisle at Hobby Lobby just looking for different things that caught my eye (and that were half off) to put in the cube. I found several things and made it home right before the winter storm started to come down.

The first thing I did was look up Psalm 139. I knew that's where the scripture was about the grains of sand. I looked it up, and copied it by hand on a piece of paper. That in itself was healing. With every verse I was meditating on it with God's view of Miles. My heart felt lighter and lighter as I copied the verse. It reminded me that God knew every day of Miles's life before the foundations of the world was laid.

In the last few days I've been putting things in the cube when I've felt fearful about Miles, thankful for Miles, when I've prayed for him and when I feel a little crazy about this situation. I've been repeating God's word back to Him regarding Miles and I've found strength in that.

I've been putting in some of the trinkets I bought at Hobby Lobby, but also stuff around the house. If I'm in the other room and catch myself worrying or praying I will pick something up from the room and go put it in the cube. Every time I drop something in there I feel a release. Yesterday I went to bed and realized I had gone the whole day without crying! Now, usually that wouldn't have been a huge accomplishment for me, but it was yesterday and I was happy about it.

So, we don't have any groceries, but I do have more peace, and that's a heck of a lot better than a refrigerator full of food!