More than ever I know that God has a plan for Miles, and that there’s nothing I can do to hinder that plan or to speed that plan up.
In February Miles was so sick that the hospice nurses told us that Miles probably only had a few days left to live. That was the first time anything like that had been said about him. He was on oxygen 24 hours a day. He was on heavy doses of pain medication. He had stuff pouring out of him that looked and smelled like death. He was constantly asleep or crying in pain. It was the worst thing that I’ve ever had to endure. Every day seemed like 3 days. Randy and I were planning a funeral in hushed tones. Every time I bathed him I wondered if I was preparing his body for burial. Every time I kissed him goodnight I wondered if it were for the last time. I cried morning, noon and night. I even woke myself up one time because I was crying in my sleep. I got to the point that I was praying that he would die so he could finally be pain free.
But God had other plans. Without any antibiotics or steroids all the junk in Miles’s lungs cleared up. His heartbeat returned to normal. He no longer needed help with the oxygen. He no longer needed pain medication. For about a month he felt great, looked great and sounded great! The hospice nurses have been more than amazed! In their words it is “scientifically impossible” that he could have clear lungs. Miles didn’t just sound better than he did. He sounded completely clear. Miles’s lungs haven’t sounded completely clear in years! (not that I can actually remember him sounding completely clear!) Miles went from looking like he was going to die to looking like he was going to get up and start running around the house!
At this point I have no idea what God is going to do. About 2 weeks ago Miles started getting sick again. A week ago he began to get really congested and has even needed some pain medication here and there. Something has changed though. I’m not fearful. I’m not upset about it. I saw Miles was getting sick and out loud I said to God, “I trust you.” This morning Miles’s face was covered in crusty mucus and his lungs sound like trash, but I’m not scared. I’ve given Miles to God and I’m happy to take care of Miles as long as I have him. However, I don’t feel like it’s my job to keep him alive. I have real and true peace that passes all understanding.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a normal and relatively easy life. Then, I think about the people in the Bible. They didn’t make it into the Bible for having a normal and relatively easy life!
Will Miles live?
Will Miles die?
Will Miles be totally and completely healed?
With God all things are possible!
For to Miles, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. ~Philippians 1:21