I'm going to be teaching 1st grade all day Wednesday. Jocie is in that class. Today I went to eat lunch with my kids at school and all the 1st graders were excited about me being in their class on Wednesday. They treat me like a celebrity. It's so sweet! I just went over the lesson plans for a long time so I'm feeling confident about how things will go.
I'm still not feeling myself so please pray for me. I haven't been sleeping well since my Grandma died. I'm not having nightmares. I just don't have peaceful sleep. In my dreams something is always off, or unorganized or undone. Then I wake up and have a feeling like something is not right and I remember that my Grandma Jody died. That's not a good way to wake up. Then yesterday I thought I saw her in a car next to me. It was a red car so there's no way it was her. She only liked white cars. I don't think she would be sporting a red car in the after life and driving down South 14th. Also, I've been seeing Grandmas with their grandchildren every where I seem to go. It makes me happy for the little kids and sad for me. I've been feeling so emotional and fragile. I don't feel depressed. I just feel sad and off centered. I feel like a big piece of me is missing. I drive past her house almost everyday when I'm picking the kids up from school. I see her car there and it makes my heart heavy. This is the first person that I've lost that's been really close to. Randy's sister died of cervical cancer a year and half ago and that was hard. I actually cried a lot more when she died then when Jody died, but I'm feeling it so much more. I feel sorrowful. With Sharon it was more of a faith issue then a saddness. I truly believed Sharon was going to be healed of cancer and I was shocked when she wasn't. With my Grandma dying I didn't feel a struggle with my faith. I've actually been so thankful that she was 76 years old and healthy almost every day of those 76 years. She didn't suffer.
Anyway, I miss her so much. She meant so much to me. I told her all the time how much I loved and appreciated her. It's just that I want to tell her some more. I know that some people might think I should be better now, but I'm really not. I'm still very sad and I haven't had the time to mourn. I still have to do a million things around here. I just have to do them with a heavy heart. Please please pray.