OKAY! I will admit it!!! I HATE buying Enemas in a Family size "Bulk" Pack.
Yesterday I drove straight in from Ft. Worth after a 6 hour drive with 5 kids and a long doctors appointment to stop by HEB to pick up 2 necessary items. 1.) A Family Size “Bulk” Pack of Enemas for…Miles. 2.) I needed 2 boxes of brownies to make for a funeral.
I left the kids in the car with Randy so I could just run in quickly. I go in and grab the biggest pack of enemas available. The biggest pack available happened to be for adults instead of kids. Also, the biggest pack available happened to be the generic brand so the box was all weird and no nonsense.
Miles rarely poops or pees without “encouragement” so this isn’t a new purchase for me. And since I had just seen a new doctor with strict instructions to get that boy cleaned out I bought what I needed to buy.
Buying enemas isn’t usually a big deal to me. However, I can usually mix such a purchase with a family of seven’s groceries so it’s much less exciting. Yesterday though I just wanted to go in and then get home. I grab the you-know-whats and then quickly get to the brownie aisle. I can’t find exactly what I’m looking for so I scan the items several times too many.
I finally picked out 2 boxes of turtle brownies. It shouldn’t have been such a hard decision, but like I said, the brownies were for a meal after a funeral. The day sucks enough. The family deserves a good dessert with lots of gooey goodness.
I throw the brownies next to the “poop eject button” and almost make it to the end of the row when I hear a man say, “Brandi? Brandi is that you?” I turn around and it takes my mind a second to flip through my mental rolodex and I place him. I knew this guy in the 5th grade. Yeah, the 5th grade.
We smile and chat and talk about how crazy it is to see each other after all these years…blah blah blah. The whole time I’m talking to him I’m praying to All That Is Good that he can’t see those dang enemas and 2 boxes of brownies! I mean, MY GOSH that looks like a serious problem!
He already caught me looking a mess after being in the car with 5 kids for 6 hours, and then the crazy look I probably had on my face when I was racing down the aisle to get out of the store.
We talk and I’m constantly trying to hide my purchase, but I can’t tell if I am or not because my back is to the cart.
I would rather him have caught me filling up my cart with gallons of wine and some toilet paper.
But no, I don’t have that kind of luck.
Anyhow, I finally break free from our elementary school reunion and turn around to see the huge box practically hovering over the cart in bright white letters with a green background yelling, “ENEMAS!!”
My face feels totally flushed. I can feel my heart beating fast. I run to the Express Lane and shamelessly throw my 3 purchases on the conveyor belt and Dare someone to make a joke! No one does.
The Dear Cashier scanned my items, placed them in a bag and let me leave without making an ass out of myself.
When I got to the car I chunked the bag at Randy and then we laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. We laughed all the home. I almost peed my pants.
Oh, I wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else. I love that man of mine!