Monday, July 11, 2011

It's ok to say his name.

Dear Friends,
I know it must be awkward. I’m guessing most of you are worried about saying the wrong thing to me. I’m assuming you don’t want to upset me so you avoid talking about Miles. Here’s the deal. Miles died. My son died. The son that I took care of everyday and went through both heaven and hell on earth with…he died.
I want to talk about it! I need to talk about it! I don’t think every conversation should be about Miles. I don’t even want that. However, if I’m around you for 2 hours and I leave without even talking about Miles for a minute I leave feeling so lonely. It makes me want to shout out, “MY SON DIED! HOW ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS! I KNOW YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT IT! I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES!”
Yes, I’ll probably cry. I could probably use a hug. It’s ok if you don’t have anything to say to comfort me. It’s ok if all you have to say is that you have nothing to say.
It’s probably true that for a while I needed some time alone with my family. Now, I need my friends. The sadness is somehow getting both better and worse. I’m not even sure what that means but it’s true. I need people around me that know and love me and will allow me to talk this whole thing out with them. (Of course I will be out of town for 3 weeks so that makes things a little sticky.) Still, a text, a letter to my facebook inbox, a card sent to my house, phone call, lunch date, a night out…all these things would be greatly appreciated.

I need you.

My life is upside down. I’m learning how to be one person instead of two. It’s almost like I have a whole new life. (I’m just not sold on it yet.)
Please don’t feel pressure to do any of these things today. Of course you can if you want. I really just want you to allow the Spirit to prompt you in these things. He knows what I need and what you have to offer. I just wanted to get it out there that I need my friends and that I need to talk about Miles even if it’s awkward. Even if I cry. Even if you really are unsure of what to say.
I get by with a little help from my friends.

(Unrelated photo inserted here.)

7 comments:

Annie McKee said...

AGAIN.............ALL I CAN SAY IS YOUR AN AMAZING WOMAN MISS BRANDI.
LOVE YOU GUYS AND PRAY OFTEN FOR YOUR FAMILY.

dave said...

It is hard for people to talk about these kind of matters. It's not easy for me to talk about my brother Michael, and he died when I was 4. But, you are right it's good to let things out. I am praying for you and your family every day-- it's a heavy burden on my heart right now.

High in Demand said...

Thank you David. I appreciate it so much!

Fiver said...

1st- is that a pic of Miles smiling?

2nd- LOVE you guys. Miss our Miles. Praying for you!

Have a great trip. Pretend you're newlyweds for a little while. CALL. TEXT. OR YELL if you should need us!!!

Blessings sweet friend,

Cole

High in Demand said...

Nicole, no, that's Jocie. : )

Love you.

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

Next month will be 3 years without Christian. I can't tell you how much it means to me when my family and friends talk about Christian out of the blue.

But let me also encourage you to talk about Miles with your friends. That is how you can show everyone that he is on your mind, that you can cry a little, smile a little, and even move on to other subject. People will take their cues from you. Remember that even if Miles is not mentioned, you are loved. Miles is loved!

MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

I wrote a post last year about saying his name...

http://www.othersuchhappenings.com/2010/08/saying-his-name.html

Praying for you tonight!