This is a strange time in my life. I don't think I've experienced these kinds of feelings before. I'm not depressed, but I don't feel very fun. I feel focused on the upcoming spectacular events that are about to take place in my life and I'm serious about them. I'm having trouble finding joy in anything that's of this earth. I have no interest in a party that I know will be totally fun. I want to opt out of a Six Flags trip that was my idea in the first place. I don't want to sit around scrapbooking or watch TV. I just don't feel like having fun.
I was getting upset at the fact that I've tried to voice my opinion about my feelings, and not receiving feedback until I think I realized what's going on. I believe I'm being led into the wilderness by the Spirit. The only things I find pleasure in are the things of the Lord. The only thing that interests me is the Word of God and hearing his voice. Everything else seems burdensome and pointless. I'm not saying that other things around me should not go on. I'm just not feeling a longing to be a part of them.
I think the Lord is preparing my spirit for all the things to come. I need to be so focused on Him that when these things take place I will be in one accord with His plan. It gives me peace to know that I'm not depressed and that I'm not always going to turn down fun. I'm just on a more serious path right now. On day one of the Breaking Free homework Beth Moore was writing about how someone came up to her at a speaking engagement and said, "I've heard you before. You used to be funnier." Her response was, "Life used to be funnier." That's me at this very moment.
Is life still good? Yes. Very Good. It's just not as funny right now. It's okay because I'm enjoying being in the presence of God in a rich and intimate way.
He spoke to me at WOW the other night. It was a beautiful voice. It was so gentle that it's still touching to me when I think about it. We're doing this series on Breaking Free and I went with my "usual suspects" lists of things I want to be free from, but when we were quiet and I was asking God what he wanted from me during this he spoke to my Spirit so sweetly! He said, "Believe Me." Again, thinking about His voice puts me at rest. Believing God was not on the usual suspect list. As a matter of fact it's the title of the last series that WOW did that I didn't go to.
What would happen if I believed every single promise in the Bible? What if I didn't try to find the loop hole in the promise? What if I didn't doubt, question or ignore what and who God is? I am going to be breaking free of Unbelief. When this happens I know the "Usual Suspect" list will follow.
Bare with me dear friends while I step back a little bit and depend on the Lord for all my confidence.