Friday, October 05, 2007

Dear Me,
I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time today. Today should be a celebration. Your son that could be dead is not dead. He’s alive and now three years old. I know you’re overwhelmed with how things are changing with his services. I know that you didn’t plan for Miles to still be so limited in his mobility. I know you didn’t plan for a wheelchair, more medicines than you knew was possible, a full time nurse for your son and of course the fact that Miles still isn’t healed.
I, more than anyone don’t want you to be sad. I wish you could just be comforted by the fact that Miles is doing so well now and that he’s happy. I suggest that you continue to meditate on all the wonderful things you have in Miles besides the sad and frustrating things you have to deal with. Of course that’s a lot easier said than done.
I’m sorry you feel lonely and like there’s not anyone that understands how you feel today. How could they? No one else knows exactly what your life is like. Don’t let that discourage you. Even though they don’t know exactly how you feel I’m sure you know how much they love you and want to support you.
Also, quit beating yourself up about being disappointed today. You don’t live in disappointment. These changes have just stirred up feelings that you haven’t visited in a while. Everything still is the same. Miles is still adorable. He still brings you so much joy when you hold him. Just remember that these changes are all going to work out just like everything has. There have been many things that you thought you couldn’t do, but you’ve over come every one of them. This will be the same. You will get everything organized, and you know the Lord always sends you a helper. You’ll see that this is just another thing that you’ll get excellent at. You can manage his case just as well as anyone else. You really are doing it now. You’re just delegating others to make calls for you. Don’t worry about how it will get done. You’ll do just fine.
Miles will be healed when Miles is healed. When that day comes then all the days like today will not compare to the uncontainable joy that you will have then. Don’t get depressed that the day hasn’t happened. Be excited that the best day of your life hasn’t happened yet. Not many people have something that big to look forward to.
Even though all that’s true I know it’s still hard today. The good news is that it won’t be hard next week. You’ll be over what you’re feeling today. Try to enjoy your son’s birthday. This is the only day that he will turn three.


Aaron & Rachel said...

I know that you wrote that to yourself, but seriously, I thought about writing you a letter today and it contained all of those things you said. I do love you so much and I hate days like this for you, but I do rejoice that we have a little boy's birthday to celebrate -- even when it doesn't look like we want it to.

But, I did have a really fun time with you last night at Sharky's!! I know it wasn't the original plan, but maybe it should have been!! ;) Love you!!!

Ashlee said...

I'm sorry that yesterday was such a tough day. You are right that no one really does know what it is like but at the same time know we hate that you do.... I remember coming and visiting you at the hospital when Myles was first born and holding him. He was so tiny and I had just found out I was pregnant with Adalee. It's hard to believe that was 3 years ago...and at the same time hard to think it was only 3 years ago. I don't know when Myles will be healed but I pray the day will be soon and that you will have the strength to live with joy in the meantime. You are a strong woman and wonderful mother!

Ashlee said...

I'm sorry I spelled Miles name wrong. I had it correct and then decided it was wrong and changed them. Then I looked at your blog and realized I did them all wrong!

High in Demand said...

thanks girls1

A life I live... said...

I'm sorry that you had a bitter-sweet day. I wish I could take your pain and disappointments away and make your life sweet with no bitterness, but I know someone who can...I pray that He gives you something sweet to overcome the bitter today! I love you.