I have not talked to my husband about this. It really just came to me today. It is something that has been building up in me, but an answer to the problem hasn’t felt right until today. Yes I know I’m beating around the bush. It’s a hard thing to commit to or to put to words. It’s a huge topic to me. It’s a huge topic for our whole family. There I go again, stalling.
Okay, I’m thinking about not having nurse care any more.
I miss Miles. I feel like I’m missing out on taking care of him. Of course I take care of him from 3:45 until bed time and on weekends but that’s not the main time for Miles. In the evenings he’s kind of spent for the day. He’s tired and sleeps a lot or he’s kind of zoned out. Sometimes he’s full of life in the evenings but not all the time. Also, another big thing is that because I’m working I’m missing out on doctor appointments and therapy sessions. You may be wondering why I would not want to miss those, but it’s like me missing all the ballet practices of Jocie’s. Physical therapy sessions are a big part of Miles’ life. I’m missing out on those. I’m getting them reported to me second hand. I don’t like that.
Also, I try to keep up with all of Miles stuff after I get off and it’s hard to juggle all those things. There is so much paperwork involved with Miles’ care. For example, right now I’m waiting on a call from a medical supply place so I can set up an appointment with him so I can get a form sent to a doctor so the doctor can send in a form to the insurance. Then when I get the form back from insurance I have to see if Miles was approved or denied. If approved then I’m done. If not then I have to make an appointment with another agency and get set up with their program so they can pay for the wheelchair lift that I’m requesting. See. For one piece of equipment there’s a lot of thinking, planning and calling involved. Christy can only do so much of that sort of thing. Anyway, that wasn’t my point. That was a rabbit trail.
Back to the topic at hand. I just feel like I’m missing out on Miles. I work until noon. I have a couple of hours at home until I pick up the kids and that’s the time that I run errands, eat lunch, usually write and get business done. I don’t really spend time with Miles during that part of the day. After the kids get home they really take up most of my time and energy.
Today I missed another appointment. I called Christy and checked out how it went. She gave me the report and I realized that I was going to miss his three year old check up because the doctor went ahead and gave him his three year old shots and the flu shot so I didn’t have to bring him back in. That appointment was important to me. I wanted to talk to the doctor about how Miles was doing and about his progress that he’s made over the last year. Now that appointment won’t even happen.
So, while I was in class thinking about all this…again. I had an idea. I thought about (of course after Randy and I and agree) working until the Christmas break and then taking over the nurse care. That would give Christy all of November and most of December to find a family that she liked. I really want to make it as easy for Christy as possible. I know how much she loves Miles and how much she likes working here. I would hope that would give her enough time so process the new changes.
Also, if I did it that way then the school would also have enough time to find a replacement for me. I love working there so much. I love everything about it. Well, everything but one very important thing…my divided time with Miles.
When I first got nurse care I needed it so bad. Miles had on that horrible body cast. My hair was falling out I was so overly exhausted. I didn’t care about my birthday I was so tired! That’s a really big deal! Believe me! Anyway, I needed her help a lot then. It was also nice to have her so I could taste a little freedom for awhile. I was stuck at home with small children for so many years that it felt nice to be able to hop in and out of the car without having to get a babysitter for Miles.
But now, I know I can do what it takes to give Miles great care. It sounds fun to stretch him daily and make sure all his medicine is in order. I like the idea of going to therapy and doctor appointments. I’m ready to have my house back all to myself during the day.
I don’t know what this will mean for Melody. She loves pre-k so much but I doubt that she will be able to attend when I’m not working there. I don’t want to pay the money that it will require for her to go. That’s okay though. It will give me some special time with her before she goes to school next year.
It sounds like my mind is made up, but I will admit that I’m a little nervous about the whole thing. Miles requires so much! For his quality of life to be what it is now I have a lot to live up to. He’s gets such great care from Christy during the day. She gets paid handsomely to take care of his needs. I’m a little afraid of my romantic ideas of taking the best care of Miles will fizzle into just doing what I have to with him. That won’t work out well for him. Also, it will make me feel like a loser. And, I won’t be able to get Christy back. And, I don’t want another nurse.
Please pray with me about these things. It’s such a big decision. This idea is the first time that I’ve had peace about letting Christy go. Randy and I need wisdom. We need to know what the Lord wants us to do in this situation. I would like to make a decision about this by the end of October so that would give Christy and the school plenty of time to make plans.
Please, please pray. We’re talking about the well being of our family.