Sunday, January 30, 2011

Mark 14:32-36

The last couple of days I've been praying for Miles a lot more differently than I have for the last 6 years. I've always prayed for healing. I've always prayed for the miraculous. I've always tried to believe against all the odds that Miles would be healed. The last few days that has not been my prayer. I've been praying that God would heal Miles or that God would take Miles. His body is so tired. Right now he's laying in my lap as I type. He was hurting so bad earlier that I had to give him medicine so he could rest. He's not tolerating food very well. Yesterday we could only give him a few ounces of Pediasure. His button just keeps leaking because his food isn't being digested so it sits in his tummy and won't let anymore go in.
All that to explain how my prayers have been different. I keep picturing Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Today I looked up in the Bible where Jesus is praying in the Garden and the words I read felt so familiar to my spirit.

Jesus Prays in Gethsemane

32 They went to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and Jesus said, “Sit here while I go and pray.” 33 He took Peter, James, and John with him, and he became deeply troubled and distressed. 34 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
35 He went on a little farther and fell to the ground. He prayed that, if it were possible, the awful hour awaiting him might pass him by. 36 “Abba, Father,”[h] he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”
Mark 14:32-36

Don't freak out on me here. I'm not saying that what I'm going through is just like what Jesus was about to go through, but it is about suffering. Jesus knew what he was about to have to endure and it said that Jesus was deeply troubled and distressed. That is how I feel. I've been deeply troubled and distressed! I'm holding Miles and thinking about the very real possibility that he will die soon and I want that "awful hour to pass me by." At the same time I know that unless Jesus heals Miles while still on earth the only thing that will bring peace to Miles's body is death. That's a cup of suffering that I would like God to take away from me. Yet, I want God's will to be done, not mine.

I have to believe that it's not God's will to allow Miles to suffer much longer. What glory could this pain bring to God? As much as I love Miles I have to believe that God loves him infinitely more. My screen is so blurry right now because of the big tears that keep filling up in my eyes.

It's very possible that Miles will keep going. He's been through so much and yet, he's still alive. Not only is he still alive, but he also still manages to have a smile on his face a lot of times. (There's a sermon in there somewhere!)

Please pray that God will have mercy on Miles's body and heal him quickly or quickly allow him to die peacefully. God's will be done, not mine.


Kim @Denim and Curls said...

Brandi, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this horrible situation. In the time that I have known you, you have always seemed to handle life with such amazing grace and without question I can see Jesus shining through you and your family. My screen is now blurry from my tears. I too have been praying that God would give Miles's body peace, either through earthy healing or heavenly healing so that he wont hurt any more. Love you, and please give Miles an extra hug for me.


this hurts to read, so i can only imagine how it hurt you to write it.

High in Demand said...

Thank you both!

Love Notes said...

Either Way I win

Lord, I've fought this battle for so long
And while I've grown weary
I've tried to stay strong
Though the battle rages
When it's all said and done
I'll be undefeated
'Cause I've already won

Either Way I win
If You should call me home today
Or on this earth You let me stay
For when my life comes to an end
It's only then that it really begins
Either way I win.

Lord, You hold my next breath
In the palm of Your hand
It's Yours to release
Or withhold if you should plan
It's kind of hard to feel sad
When I think of it that way
So it's all up to You, Lord
Do I go or do I stay?

Either way I win
If You should call me home today
Or on this earth You let me stay
For when my life comes to an end
It's only then that it really begins
Either way I win.

Heaven or earth
Torn between the two
I love my precious family
But, Lord, I love You too
Oh, yes I do

Either way I win

Written by Vicki Arnold

Brandi, I am trying to figure out how to send you a copy of this song. I pray for you and your family. Love you girl. Dawn

Fiver said...

Hugs to you both. Praying hard. Loving you guys and wishing to help you carry this burden for even a moment to give you a break!!



acid 9 said...

Meant to tell you this earlier...

I've prayed this very prayer before: it was over my elderly friend/neighbor back in Abilene about 3-4 years ago.

He had hit rock bottom health wise. Going in and out of consciousness and in mega pain for weeks (diabetic).

He was 90 or so. It seemed like his time to go. I prayed for god to heal him or TAKE him.

Well, he healed him due to a leg amputation. He's about to be 94 and I'm told he's doing well.

Hope that's a testimony that helps you through this.