Obviously I've been having a hard time about Miles lately. Usually I pride myself on not being much of a "crier." I can probably officially quit saying that. I can't remember a time in my whole life where I've cried even before getting out of bed (besides the last couple of weeks.) I'm not even depressed. I'm just heartbroken.
ANYWAY! I don't plan it being one of those crying posts.
My point is the other day I had a lovely Hobby Lobby gift card given to me. Have I ever mentioned my LOVE for gift cards? Oh I love the free money feeling! I usually hold onto them and dream about what I will spend it on. On Monday of this week I knew the snow was a-comin'. So I asked my mother in law if she could watch the kids a little while so I could go to Hobby Lobby. As I look back I'm thinking that my time could have been more wisely spent buying groceries for the family since we are out of everything now, but I had no idea the snow would still be around! Honestly, I think I spent my time very wisely. The "fruit" from my Hobby Lobby trip has brought a fruit of the spirit back to me that I had been missing for awhile...PEACE.
While I was shopping I didn't have anything in particular that I wanted to buy. I was just looking around. I found a glass craft cube. I've looked at them before but never knew what I would do with them. They were half off (my love language) and as I held it a scripture came to mind where it talks about how God's thoughts about us are more numerable than the grains of sand. That's what I had been feeling about the number of thoughts/fears I've had about Miles lately. As I held the glass cube I had an idea...or an idea was given to me. You pick.
I thought about getting the jar and some bright colored trinkets and putting a trinket in the cube every time I thought about Miles as sort of a way to release my fears into the cube. Is this feeling too new-agey for you? I admit it sounds a little hokey, but it's really helped me. I went down every aisle at Hobby Lobby just looking for different things that caught my eye (and that were half off) to put in the cube. I found several things and made it home right before the winter storm started to come down.
The first thing I did was look up Psalm 139. I knew that's where the scripture was about the grains of sand. I looked it up, and copied it by hand on a piece of paper. That in itself was healing. With every verse I was meditating on it with God's view of Miles. My heart felt lighter and lighter as I copied the verse. It reminded me that God knew every day of Miles's life before the foundations of the world was laid.
In the last few days I've been putting things in the cube when I've felt fearful about Miles, thankful for Miles, when I've prayed for him and when I feel a little crazy about this situation. I've been repeating God's word back to Him regarding Miles and I've found strength in that.
I've been putting in some of the trinkets I bought at Hobby Lobby, but also stuff around the house. If I'm in the other room and catch myself worrying or praying I will pick something up from the room and go put it in the cube. Every time I drop something in there I feel a release. Yesterday I went to bed and realized I had gone the whole day without crying! Now, usually that wouldn't have been a huge accomplishment for me, but it was yesterday and I was happy about it.
So, we don't have any groceries, but I do have more peace, and that's a heck of a lot better than a refrigerator full of food!