Man, where would I begin if I tried to lay out the details of my life right now?
There's plenty of heart wrenching things I could tell you. It's a heavy tale with mucus, blood, oxygen, drugs and sadness.
Maybe I will write down the details soon. Maybe I won't.
At the same time there's a wonderful tale with love, gifts, food, van, visits and singing.
The hospice nurses have said that Miles probably only has a few days left. A mother's heart does not process this well. I've had so many people check on me, do nice things for my family and come by to love on my sweet son. With each act of kindness it feels like ministering angels coming to heal my soul.
This is the worst thing I've ever had to do. Miles is now on pain medication 24 hours a day. For about an hour last night he was only taking in breaths about every 5 seconds. I'm pretty sure the other day when I got him out of the bath he stopped breathing. He turned completely white and limp. It was so frightening.
I love him so much. I can't imagine not having him. The other night I crawled into bed with him and fell asleep with my head on his shoulder. I was just laying there holding him and wanting to soak him into me so I could keep him forever. I just wanted to feel him so close to me.
PLEASE PRAY FOR US! We need PEACE. I need PEACE. My husband needs PEACE. My 4 other children need PEACE. My sweet Miles needs PEACE in his body.