Friday, October 17, 2008

Book Club...Not Really

I'm so giddy. It's possible that I'm about to post one of the funniest things I've ever put on here. Yes, I know I'm supposed to be doing other things, but I can't contain myself. I must share my plunder with you.

Today I stopped by the movie store to pick up a couple of movies for the weekend. When I stepped outside of the store the weather just felt so nice. I couldn't stand to get back in the car with the breeze feeling so good. I decided that Miles and I would go for a little walk over to the Goodwill store to see what kind of cheap stuff they had going on over there. At first I thought it was a flop of a trip UNTIL I just happened to see a book that made me laugh a little. I thought it would be funny to wrap it up and give it to Randy. When I looked up to check the price of the books I saw a sign that read, "All Soft Cover Books 8 for $1." I couldn't believe my good fortune. I decided to look through the books on the shelf and find the funniest "8" to share with you. I'm pretty sure I was grinning from ear to ear.

This is the first book that caught my attention. How To Live With An Imperfect Person. This is the one I was going to wrap up for Randy. :) On the back it has 4 Personality Styles that is hard to deal with."
The Compulsive-"Can be better than having a full-time maid...but most compulsive need to be taught how to be emotionally intimate with another person.
The Egoist-"Often surrounded by other people, egoists are still isolated by their own self-centerdness. Yet with the right encouragement they can share their enormous zest for life."
The Ladies' Man- "makes a game of coming on to women-but this behavior is really a way of coping with self-doubt. It takes an extremely secure-or insecure-woman to live with this one." (Oh my gosh I'm laughing my head off!)
The Moper- "Whose theme song is-'I'm fine, just leave me alone,' but who really wants to be told it's all right to share unhappy feelings.

This treasure of a book says, "With quizzes, anecdotes, case histories, and other practical and imaginative strategies, Dr. Louis Janda describes the dynamics of 12 personality styles, explains how each one came to be, and shows how you, too, can live happily ever after with your less-than-perfect mate."

Tell me...why is there a TUBE on the cover?

Everything you always wanted to know about sex. *But were afraid to ask.
The original price of this book was $1.95. On page 197 you have 'The mechanics of petting' Can't wait to read that chapter.

This is the back of the book. Here's the Love Guru himself! As described on the back: Dr. David Reuben, the new apostle of sanity in sex, who is breaking all the records...
"Dr. Reuben feels that modern sex education is laughable-today's students cram a wider range of sex without knowledge into one weekend than their menopausal teachers experienced in a lifetime."
There's more info on the back, but I'm blushing.

Who doesn't want the Complete Works of the Gawain poet? Here is the shortest poem I could find:
Ornamented and trellised about with trifles
Until nothing was left in view but that lady's black brows,
Her nearsighted eyes, her nose, and her naked lips
(Lips that were sour to see and strangely bleared);
A wonderful lady in this world men might well call her -to God.
Her body was short and thick,
Her buttocks splayed and wide;
But lovelier was the look
Of the lady at her side!

I'm so glad it came in a modern english version.

How to make movies. I'm glad I found this book. I've always wanted to make a movie and now I can! After I read that Dr. Reuben book I will be able to make a really exciting movie! I'll let you know how it came out!

The original price for this book was $3.25, but B. Dalton had it on "special" for only $1.29. Today I bought it for about 12 cents.

I'm sure all this information is still accurate.

It's the Tested and NEW Way to Raise Responsible Children. This book's a real keeper because after reading this my kids will fight less, have fewer tantrums and tell less lies. We will also have warmer feelings. Rules will be followed. My children will be more responsible. I will not be a dictator nor a doormat. I will have genuine friendship and respect between myself and my children. This P.E.T. system works with children from all ages, from the very young through the rebellious adolescent years.
Since that's the case I'll just wait to see if any of my kids become rebellious and then I'll read it. No sense in wasting time if I don't need it.

Yes, this book is pink.
a father talks to teenagers
Hey, is that a picture of a father talking to a teenager? It looks like he's trying to pick her up!
Hey, what kind of book is this?
It doesn't really clarify if the father is talking to his own teenagers. Yuck.

Page 27 Talks on Undesirable Habits. They are: Swearing, Drinking and Smoking.
After the Father talks to the Teenager about these undesirable habits the father has a few projects for the teenager to do to really drive the point home.
1. Ask ten adults who have smoked cigarettes fir 10 years or more, whether they would begin smoking if they had to do it over, if they were your age and could make that choice a second time. Let me know if any advise you to do so. I'll do something real nice for you.

PLEASE TEENAGER...don't let this father do something "real nice for you."

These are all NEW aerobics people!

This book is just filled with charts. Charts of many kinds. I believe this book will prove to be harder to read than to do the actual exercises. You should really consult your doctor before trying any of these charts out.

Last but not least. You know I had to save a sex book for last. But not just any sex book! NICE GIRLS DO! This one is published by none other than Playboy Paperbacks! The back cover quote says it all, "A mundane sex life can be compared to a frozen TV dinner: It will keep you alive, but it's not a gourmet banquet served in a posh restaurant." ~Dr. Irene Kassorla

So there you have it folks! Your Top 8.
I will be auctioning each book off to the highest bidder. I'm looking to make a quick buck off these. I will not sell them for cheaper than I bought them for! The ones not sold will be a great White Elephant present this year...wait a second...Randy just said that I have to read Nice Girls Do before I sell it. I'm selling it anyway. I know all those tricks already. So, I'm now taking bids.

I would also like you to know that I'm not taking this post off until I feel I've received the comments that it deserves. There was a lot of time sucked up here that I have nothing to show for! Comments are a must.


Jennifer said...

OMG! Brandi, this was so stinking funny. I was laughing so much, The Pastor finally came over and asked me what I was laughing about. I showed him the A Father Talks to a Teenager. He said the same thing!!

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!! Funny... Love the books...
Still laughing...

Amanda said...

These even made me laugh! Maybe after I get a man I'll be interested in buying some of the books from you. But until then I'll just have to be jealous!!

Francesca said...

How dare you look down your perky little nose at the Complete Collection of Gawain Poems. It is not everyday you come across something like this...literature at its finest.


OMG IN HEVEN. I have busted a gut on this POST. Ok maybe I canstop laughing long enough to BID on one of thesse books.

Anonymous said...

so no one is going to bid? Maybe it's like a silent auction.