Where do I begin?
Today’s church service was __________!
I need help filling in the blank.
According to Randy and I you would get two completely different answers. I will try to make since of this post, but at 10:45 at night I still haven’t been able to make since of the whole day in my own mind. I’m hoping that this will help.
I will start with this wonderful wintry morning. Ice covered trees, breezy winds and slippery streets awaited us this morning so I was pretty sure that my warm snuggly bed was the place to stay. Randy did not agree. He hopped out of bed and got dressed for church. We had lunch plans at the Parks house for after church so Pam called to see if we were still coming. Randy assured her that we were coming. We got everyone ready and off we went. On the way there I kept thinking about how beautiful the ice trees were. If I had my camera I would have been late to church to take some pictures of the frozen trees. I kept thinking on the way there that the Lord was going to have a special treat for the faithful people that braved the ice to worship him. I didn’t know what the treat was, but I was excited in my spirit about it. Several churches in town closed today and all the churches in Clyde except ours was closed. Since Beltway Park was closed Randy’s brother Michael decided to go with us.
So, church started off great. It was so easy for me to press through and immediately worship the Lord. We were singing a song about how the earth sings of His beauty, and when I would picture those iced trees that I saw on the way to church I thought about how they were singing about God’s beauty. Those things made me think about how creative and powerful he is. Then Bryan got on the mic and he was talking about how we need to press in and not be distracted. He said something about how it’s okay to get out of the boat today because the lakes frozen. He was talking about stepping out in faith. When he said those things I kept picturing myself walking over to him and handing him Miles. I didn’t really know what to do past that point, but I just kept picturing it. Then Brenda got a song to sing and she was singing about getting out of the boat. By this time my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I just kept staring at Bryan and wanting to go over there, but on the other hand I didn’t know what I wanted him to do. I saw Jo Brown talking to him and I just saw in my head going over there and pushing Joe away to get Miles to him. I kept picturing the woman in the Bible that had the issue of blood and how she pushed herself through the crowds to get to Jesus. It was funny because I had Miles in my arms, I had one leg in the aisle and one leg next to my seat. My body was ready to go, but my head was having trouble making my body move. I just decided to do it. I walked in front of everyone and went over to Pastor Bryan. He leaned his ear to me, and I said, “I don’t really know what I want you to do, but this is me stepping out of the boat. I just want to give him over to you. Do whatever you have to do.” I really shouldn’t have put quotation marks on that because it wasn’t word for word, but it’s close.
He took Miles from me and I just sunk down to the floor and began to cry. Of course for a moment I remembered that my brother in law came with us today, but I just didn’t care at the moment. I don’t know if women at Beltway Park frequently bring their handicap children to the pastor in front of everyone to be healed. Maybe they do. I don’t know what to say except that I felt like I did what I was supposed to do.
So anyway, I’m on the floor crying when I feel a man’s arm on me and I see that Leonard is praying for me. Bryan is holding Miles and I can hear him saying things quietly to him. Bryan seemed to be enjoying himself. After awhile I stood up and Leonard was talking to me at the same time that Ginny got the mic and began saying what she saw about Miles. She said that she saw a picture of Miles when he was about 4 years old and he was playing with her son Austin (they are the same age). She said that she saw them running around and Miles being rambuncous (sp?). Then she said that she saw him as a man and he was about 6 foot 2 and he was dressed in a business suit. He was handsome with blonde curly hair. There was nothing wrong with him. She told the congregation to close their eyes and to picture Miles totally restored.
After this several people came to me or went on the mic and told me what they saw Miles doing. It was wonderful to me. It was like water to my soul.
After this the service went ________________!!!!!!
This is where I need help.
I think the service was a powerful time of warfare. I totally believed that Miles could have walked to me at any second. People surrounded me with dancing and praising and speaking in tongues. Bryan asked if he could see if Miles could put pressure on his legs. Miles was moving his legs a lot so Bryan wanted to see if he could stand on them. He was trying to do this, but with Miles’ brace on it separates his legs so it’s pretty hard for him to put any pressure on them. (It is the point of the brace) So, I told him that I could take the brace off. I said this, but then I realized that he had his over alls on. This made it very tricky. There were people all around me and they were helping me to take his brace off, but that required us undoing his overalls. Anyway, it was chaotic, but we got it off. Obviously he didn’t stand on his own or I would already know how to fill in the blank.
After that there was more dancing, shouting, praising, words and prophetic drums. Different people held Miles and I continued to beg the Lord to complete what he has started. I can say that good or bad…today was wild. At one point I know that Bryan got on the mic and asked that if there were people there with unbelief to please go out in the hall. I don’t know when we’ve had a service like this on a Sunday morning. So, this went on for about 2 hours. My legs can tell that I danced for 2 hours!
Well, after two hours Bryan stopped it and we brought up our offering to the communion table as we took communion and the service was done. I actually felt really encouraged. Of course the desire of my heart was for Miles to be walking out of there but instead I had to put him back in his wheelchair, but even so, my heart was refreshed and full of faith. I felt victorious. I felt like we had worshipped God with our whole being, and that we had faith that pleased him. I felt encouraged by the love of my sisters and brothers. I felt like the manifestations of Miles’ healing had not shown themselves today, but that it was only a matter of time. I didn’t feel heartbroken that it wasn’t today. I really was encouraged. That is until….
Until I saw Randy. I could see from the redness of his eyes that he had been crying. I could tell by the heaviness on him that he was upset. When we got to the car it was not pretty. He was so mad. Frustrated would be a better way to explain it. Maybe I should say mad and frustrated! To use his words he thought today was disturbing, and a feeding frenzy for charismatics. He thought that it was good for them because they got to dance around and feel good for a few minutes and then send us back home with a child that can do nothing. He was so mad and disturbed that we were taking off Miles brace and clothes. He thought that it was careless of those people to take off that brace when they have no idea what we’ve had to do to keep his hip in socket. He did not feel that they were doing it in love but because they were being consumed with their own desires. He was really upset. He was upset with me for not telling him that I was going to take Miles to Bryan. He was basically mad about the whole thing.
Now, remember that we had plans with the Parks for lunch at their house. Randy’s brother Michael is behind us in his van following us to Pam and Elliott’s. Randy is so upset and I’m totally confused! I left there feeling so encouraged and he left feeling so miserable. We had decided that we were not going to eat lunch so we told Michael and he turned around to go home. We talked some more and decided that we should go and eat with them.
Lunch went great. We were there forever (sorry Pam). We had a pleasant time. We talked a little about the service today but not in great detail. None of us had answers so we didn’t discuss it a lot. Randy was happy there. I was glad we stayed. He got to talk to Elliott about his favorite subject…house building so he was good. So when we got in the car and he immediately went back to the point he had left off when we arrived at Pam’s I was blown out of the water. He was still so upset. He was upset at the powerlessness of our body, God…I’m not really sure what all about. He said that he was resentful to me that I did that.
I didn’t know what to say. Believe me that if I could have said that I was sorry and taken the blame for the whole thing I would have done it in a second, but I couldn’t. My spirit was firm that I had done the right thing. I felt like I had done what I was supposed to do. Were we over zealous by trying to take his brace off...it’s possible. Even so, I don’t feel bad about it. Here we are trying to pull heaven to earth and it got a little wild. Randy said that he felt out of control and he didn’t like it. I don’t know if this is something that I should feel sorry about. Please know my heart that this is not a bashing Randy post! I’m not even saying he’s wrong. Truth be told that the exact opposite could have taken place. (Many times our roles are reversed. I’m usually one with the hardened heart after such an ordeal and he’s the one comforting me.)
Anyway, I have felt all evening that I am still in battle for heavenly things. I have let Randy talk, and I have tried to be understanding, but my stance is that I did what I felt I was supposed to do so I cannot apologize for what happened today. He’s still a ball of frustration. Before he went to bed we were talking again and he wanted to say a million things, but he didn't want to be totally negative, but he didn't have anything nice to say. He did tell me that he loved me, and that Pam's food was so good. Those were the only two things he knew. I just feel like today had to take place. I feel like it was one of many times of warfare for Miles’ healing.
Please, help me on this one. What was today? Was it Incredible? Powerful? Powerless? Over Zealous? Warfare? Awesome? Disturbing? Full of Love? Chaotic?
Here’s the deal: I can see the service through both of our eyes. I can feel victorious and I can feel disturbed. I need to know the truth about today.
How are we supposed to feel?
How are we supposed to react?