Monday, January 15, 2007

Questions

Where do I begin?
Today’s church service was __________!
I need help filling in the blank.

According to Randy and I you would get two completely different answers. I will try to make since of this post, but at 10:45 at night I still haven’t been able to make since of the whole day in my own mind. I’m hoping that this will help.

I will start with this wonderful wintry morning. Ice covered trees, breezy winds and slippery streets awaited us this morning so I was pretty sure that my warm snuggly bed was the place to stay. Randy did not agree. He hopped out of bed and got dressed for church. We had lunch plans at the Parks house for after church so Pam called to see if we were still coming. Randy assured her that we were coming. We got everyone ready and off we went. On the way there I kept thinking about how beautiful the ice trees were. If I had my camera I would have been late to church to take some pictures of the frozen trees. I kept thinking on the way there that the Lord was going to have a special treat for the faithful people that braved the ice to worship him. I didn’t know what the treat was, but I was excited in my spirit about it. Several churches in town closed today and all the churches in Clyde except ours was closed. Since Beltway Park was closed Randy’s brother Michael decided to go with us.

So, church started off great. It was so easy for me to press through and immediately worship the Lord. We were singing a song about how the earth sings of His beauty, and when I would picture those iced trees that I saw on the way to church I thought about how they were singing about God’s beauty. Those things made me think about how creative and powerful he is. Then Bryan got on the mic and he was talking about how we need to press in and not be distracted. He said something about how it’s okay to get out of the boat today because the lakes frozen. He was talking about stepping out in faith. When he said those things I kept picturing myself walking over to him and handing him Miles. I didn’t really know what to do past that point, but I just kept picturing it. Then Brenda got a song to sing and she was singing about getting out of the boat. By this time my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I just kept staring at Bryan and wanting to go over there, but on the other hand I didn’t know what I wanted him to do. I saw Jo Brown talking to him and I just saw in my head going over there and pushing Joe away to get Miles to him. I kept picturing the woman in the Bible that had the issue of blood and how she pushed herself through the crowds to get to Jesus. It was funny because I had Miles in my arms, I had one leg in the aisle and one leg next to my seat. My body was ready to go, but my head was having trouble making my body move. I just decided to do it. I walked in front of everyone and went over to Pastor Bryan. He leaned his ear to me, and I said, “I don’t really know what I want you to do, but this is me stepping out of the boat. I just want to give him over to you. Do whatever you have to do.” I really shouldn’t have put quotation marks on that because it wasn’t word for word, but it’s close.

He took Miles from me and I just sunk down to the floor and began to cry. Of course for a moment I remembered that my brother in law came with us today, but I just didn’t care at the moment. I don’t know if women at Beltway Park frequently bring their handicap children to the pastor in front of everyone to be healed. Maybe they do. I don’t know what to say except that I felt like I did what I was supposed to do.

So anyway, I’m on the floor crying when I feel a man’s arm on me and I see that Leonard is praying for me. Bryan is holding Miles and I can hear him saying things quietly to him. Bryan seemed to be enjoying himself. After awhile I stood up and Leonard was talking to me at the same time that Ginny got the mic and began saying what she saw about Miles. She said that she saw a picture of Miles when he was about 4 years old and he was playing with her son Austin (they are the same age). She said that she saw them running around and Miles being rambuncous (sp?). Then she said that she saw him as a man and he was about 6 foot 2 and he was dressed in a business suit. He was handsome with blonde curly hair. There was nothing wrong with him. She told the congregation to close their eyes and to picture Miles totally restored.

After this several people came to me or went on the mic and told me what they saw Miles doing. It was wonderful to me. It was like water to my soul.

After this the service went ________________!!!!!!

This is where I need help.

I think the service was a powerful time of warfare. I totally believed that Miles could have walked to me at any second. People surrounded me with dancing and praising and speaking in tongues. Bryan asked if he could see if Miles could put pressure on his legs. Miles was moving his legs a lot so Bryan wanted to see if he could stand on them. He was trying to do this, but with Miles’ brace on it separates his legs so it’s pretty hard for him to put any pressure on them. (It is the point of the brace) So, I told him that I could take the brace off. I said this, but then I realized that he had his over alls on. This made it very tricky. There were people all around me and they were helping me to take his brace off, but that required us undoing his overalls. Anyway, it was chaotic, but we got it off. Obviously he didn’t stand on his own or I would already know how to fill in the blank.

After that there was more dancing, shouting, praising, words and prophetic drums. Different people held Miles and I continued to beg the Lord to complete what he has started. I can say that good or bad…today was wild. At one point I know that Bryan got on the mic and asked that if there were people there with unbelief to please go out in the hall. I don’t know when we’ve had a service like this on a Sunday morning. So, this went on for about 2 hours. My legs can tell that I danced for 2 hours!

Well, after two hours Bryan stopped it and we brought up our offering to the communion table as we took communion and the service was done. I actually felt really encouraged. Of course the desire of my heart was for Miles to be walking out of there but instead I had to put him back in his wheelchair, but even so, my heart was refreshed and full of faith. I felt victorious. I felt like we had worshipped God with our whole being, and that we had faith that pleased him. I felt encouraged by the love of my sisters and brothers. I felt like the manifestations of Miles’ healing had not shown themselves today, but that it was only a matter of time. I didn’t feel heartbroken that it wasn’t today. I really was encouraged. That is until….

Until I saw Randy. I could see from the redness of his eyes that he had been crying. I could tell by the heaviness on him that he was upset. When we got to the car it was not pretty. He was so mad. Frustrated would be a better way to explain it. Maybe I should say mad and frustrated! To use his words he thought today was disturbing, and a feeding frenzy for charismatics. He thought that it was good for them because they got to dance around and feel good for a few minutes and then send us back home with a child that can do nothing. He was so mad and disturbed that we were taking off Miles brace and clothes. He thought that it was careless of those people to take off that brace when they have no idea what we’ve had to do to keep his hip in socket. He did not feel that they were doing it in love but because they were being consumed with their own desires. He was really upset. He was upset with me for not telling him that I was going to take Miles to Bryan. He was basically mad about the whole thing.

Now, remember that we had plans with the Parks for lunch at their house. Randy’s brother Michael is behind us in his van following us to Pam and Elliott’s. Randy is so upset and I’m totally confused! I left there feeling so encouraged and he left feeling so miserable. We had decided that we were not going to eat lunch so we told Michael and he turned around to go home. We talked some more and decided that we should go and eat with them.

Lunch went great. We were there forever (sorry Pam). We had a pleasant time. We talked a little about the service today but not in great detail. None of us had answers so we didn’t discuss it a lot. Randy was happy there. I was glad we stayed. He got to talk to Elliott about his favorite subject…house building so he was good. So when we got in the car and he immediately went back to the point he had left off when we arrived at Pam’s I was blown out of the water. He was still so upset. He was upset at the powerlessness of our body, God…I’m not really sure what all about. He said that he was resentful to me that I did that.

I didn’t know what to say. Believe me that if I could have said that I was sorry and taken the blame for the whole thing I would have done it in a second, but I couldn’t. My spirit was firm that I had done the right thing. I felt like I had done what I was supposed to do. Were we over zealous by trying to take his brace off...it’s possible. Even so, I don’t feel bad about it. Here we are trying to pull heaven to earth and it got a little wild. Randy said that he felt out of control and he didn’t like it. I don’t know if this is something that I should feel sorry about. Please know my heart that this is not a bashing Randy post! I’m not even saying he’s wrong. Truth be told that the exact opposite could have taken place. (Many times our roles are reversed. I’m usually one with the hardened heart after such an ordeal and he’s the one comforting me.)

Anyway, I have felt all evening that I am still in battle for heavenly things. I have let Randy talk, and I have tried to be understanding, but my stance is that I did what I felt I was supposed to do so I cannot apologize for what happened today. He’s still a ball of frustration. Before he went to bed we were talking again and he wanted to say a million things, but he didn't want to be totally negative, but he didn't have anything nice to say. He did tell me that he loved me, and that Pam's food was so good. Those were the only two things he knew. I just feel like today had to take place. I feel like it was one of many times of warfare for Miles’ healing.

Please, help me on this one. What was today? Was it Incredible? Powerful? Powerless? Over Zealous? Warfare? Awesome? Disturbing? Full of Love? Chaotic?

Here’s the deal: I can see the service through both of our eyes. I can feel victorious and I can feel disturbed. I need to know the truth about today.

How are we supposed to feel?

How are we supposed to react?

11 comments:

Ashlee said...

Brandi--

How my heart breaks for you... Honestly I think if you followed what you heard God tell you it probably was an important time of warfare. How I wish Myles had been able to stand right at that moment.

God has been stretching me to be open to radical out of the box worship, prayer and prophecy because it seems that is how HE often operates...the New Testament is FULL of examples of this. But at the same time I can see how frusterating it is to go through that and still take your son home in a wheelchair...I pray that yesterday was that last time for that...

Love Y'all

Bloomin' Cactus said...

I was expecting at any moment for Miles to jump down out of my arms and start walking around. Something was going on . . something very powerful. I believe that Miles didn't leave there the same way he came in. I kept hearing that all morning -- get your expectations high because we won't leave there like we came. Even though you put Miles back in his wheelchair, I don't feel like he's the same boy. I kind of had the same experience as Ginny. I was standing there just worshipping and God kept showing me pictures of Miles. I look over and there you are on the floor and Bryan has him. I believe that just confirms that God was in the whole thing.

I think I jumbled the word I had for you yesterday. God showed me a picture of you looking at Miles doing something small, but something new. You sat there looking at him and thinking, "God, is that just me or did Miles just ____?" God said, "No, it's just Me."

I feel terrible that Randy feels the way he does. I'm going to pray today that God would show him what was happening. I don't believe it was a feeding frenzy. I believe that we all had our expectations high that Miles was going to walk out of there totally restored.

When I was holding Miles, I was just saying "Jesus" over him. He kept turning his head to hear me and at one point, it was as if he was singing with me. I'm not saying those things to make you feel good. I'm telling you the truth.

I am going to pray today that God would remove the blinders from Randy's eyes -- just like he did for you just this last week.

I believe that you did the right thing. I believe that Bryan wouldn't put Miles in jeopardy just so you guys could go through all that you've been through all over again. When they were trying to put Miles feet on the floor, I was expecting them to spring up with strength. I think we all were.

I believe that today, you focus on all the good things that God showed you. Continue to see the day as you saw it when you left the building -- not discouraged, but encouraged. You could choose to see the day as Randy saw it, but choose not to.

I love you very much!!!!

Ashlee said...

Rachel's comment reminds me of the conversation we had when I was in Texas about a point in time where Myles would be healed and begin to progress from the point he is at now...I'm praying Myles IS healed and the changes will become apparent soon.

Blessings

A life I live... said...

Here's something else to add to Rachel's comment...I've been praying about this all night and got up thinking about it today and here's what I came up with, first, if it was a charasmatic free-for-all then the hearts wouldn't be completely for Mile's to be completely restored, it would be for show more than anything and the heart would be wicked, but the difference is this family LONGS for Mile's to be healed just as much as you do. Yes, you had to go home with him in the wheelchair and that breaks your heart, but on our side of this, we are heartbroken because we are praying and believing with everything we have to give on this (as you are too) so when we don't see any (visible) results then we are just as disappointed as you, but we AREN'T giving up! We are standing with you and giving ALL we have until we see Jesus move. To me that is the difference, we didn't care about what others thought (visitors) and especially when the Pastor of the church asks people to leave with doubt and unbelief, man, I can say I've never heard that one done before!! Our hearts are for Mile's and I pray that Randy knows that. Smith Wigglesworth threw a dead person against the wall six or seven times before the manifistation (where's the spell check on this thing!) of him coming back to life came and that was a step of faith because the Lord told him to do that. Jesus put mud in someone's eye to restore to him his sight! Secondly, this has made me start reading about Smith Wigglesworth's ministry and others (including the main man, Jesus) on the subject on healing. I just saw myself reading these books (building up my faith) and shutting myself in our bathroom and telling Bryan I'm not coming out until this is settled and in my mind I stayed until the annointing fell! As far as being obidient yesterday, when your heart is about to jump out of your skin, I have come to find out that it's the spirit of the Lord telling you to do something!! Use discerment, but most times it's the Lord! So, in that, yes, you did what you were supposed to do.

Kevin said...

Brandi,

I have an outside opinion of the situation.

1. Randy is struggling with God and his miraculous power to heal. I honestly do not know how he feels. I know I struggled with a kidney disease that was terminal until God out of the blue one day healed me.
2. Randy is just thinking like a man, a husband, and a provider. He does all that he does for the well being of your children. To see the risk taken yesterday, has taken him back a step to ask some questions. A. Why take the risk? Nothing happened so why bother? IS that really the best for Miles(taking brace off)?
3. Yes it was out of control - but it was in God's order. Remember Bryan message New Years eve. God wants to take some things out of our control (look like totally out of control) but that does not mean they are not in the ORDER of GOD.
4. I have done some travelling and experiencing the last 18 months, and KLF is anything but crazy charismatics. It sounds to me, like God was doing something. I do not know what, but His ways are better than our ways!

As I type I just feel to encourage you with this.
God knows you believe! God knows you trust Him. He even knows you will give anything over to Him.
He sees your Faith.

Carolyn said...

I am praying for your family.

DEEP BREATH

It's good that you and Randy did not go to bed angry-to give the devil a foot-hold. Please hear my heart-I have no right to comment because I wasn't there-but, be careful. Be ever watchful of the workings of God. Be mindful of how Randy feels-God will not ask you to be divided on this issue. It's a BIG deal-Miles' healing-you must be "as one" The devil would love to have a house divided-it's how he works best. Pray together, talk together, cry together, laugh together-make sure he reads your blog on this matter-don't keep secrets, tell him your concerns and be sure to listen to his.

I know we don't agree on "everything"-I'm a Southern Baptist girl:)- but I would NEVER tell you that God won't heal Miles.
I KNOW OUR God CAN! I just don't want you to become so obsessed(not meant in a bad way-just the only word that fit)or all-consumed(better word) with it(the healing) that you miss what God has for YOU. All trials come from God-Satan has to ask permission, but God has to grant it(see Job)-for His glory. Would God get the glory if Miles were 100% fully restored?-ABSOLUTELY! But what if...........
we're missing something else because our focus is only waiting for Miles to be healed?-what are we missing in the waiting?what ELSE does God want to do through Miles'(and your family's) trial? I don't want you to be robbed of an oportunity to praise God because Miles ISN'T healed. I will end with the words of one who knew your pain.... The Lord gives and the Lord takes away-Blessed be the name of the Lord. (JOB 1:21b)

Brandi-God truly has BIG plans for you and your family-I believe that with every part of me. I just don't want you to miss out on ANY of them. Praying God will bless you today~Carolyn

JesusFreak said...

Oh Brandi, when I was reading your blog I was so excited for you and I could feel your heartbreak also. I immediately said a prayer for you and Randy both. I agree with Kevin and the way he said Randy might be processing things. I'm sure it's putting him in an uncomfortable position to see his wife risk her heart, and his son be crowded around by people. I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but for now, all I have for you are my prayers and all the love my heart can hold for you and your family.

ericaprosser said...

unity.unity.unity.unity.unity.unity.unity.unity.
I love you guys.

JesusFreak said...

p.s. I got to see those beautiful ice-covered trees as well. I kept thinking the same thing as you. Well, a little different. I kept thinking that a picture of the trees would have been a great background for the January Newsletter calendar!

Bloomin' Cactus said...

I was, again, thinking about you guys today while I was doing my dishes. . this is what I heard:

A house divided against itself cannot stand.

When you've done all you can do, stand and stand firm.


I don't know where those verses are in the Bible, but if you aren't in agreement that God has healed Miles, you can't stand firm while you're waiting to see it in the natural.

God is going to do it. I believe it with everything in me. There was such amazing unity yesterday morning in that service. But, I knew Randy was upset about something. . . just plain mad.

I'm still believing that God is going to show him Miles -- give him a vision for Miles that doesn't include that wheelchair or those braces or any of that medicine that sits in your cabinet.

Hold tight to the vision that God has given you for Miles and run with it. Be obedient to whatever God tells you to do. You are an overcomer and so is Randy.

The last thing: There is power in agreement -- whether you agree God is going to do it or not -- there is power in your agreement.

(I hope all of that makes sense)

A-lauf said...

I agree with Kevins statments. I felt the same way. I just wanted to "rescue" Miles from the attention.