Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Women's BFW Retreat 2007

I think I have the record for longest posts on the blog, but even this one out does me! This thing is long! It is my personal experience of what happened at this years BFW. I think I should give out prizes to those few that actually read this whole thing through!

Where in the world do I begin? What details do I put in? What could I possibly leave out? The scripture John 21:25 has more meaning for me now. It says, “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” That’s how good this weekend was! Jesus did so many things that I’m having trouble finding words that mean enough.
I’ve been to meetings, conferences, church services and even previous BFW’s that left me excited and in love with the Lord, but this time it was different. I’ve never been to anything that left me with such a hunger for the Lord that I would happily give up everything to stay in the presence of the Lord. I’m sitting here in my wonderful home, and longing only for Jesus. I’ve tasted his glory and I want more. I’m felt his goodness and I long for nothing else. Since I’ve been home I’ve caught myself over and over face down on the floor seeking his face again. Before when I would pray it was like it was a grocery list. I would say, “I need this. I need this. I need this. And, I need it all by yesterday.” Now all I can say is, “I love you so much. I want more of you! With a thankful heart I ask for more!” I don’t want to watch movies. I don’t want to go shopping. I don’t want to mindlessly sit at the computer. I want to go to heaven! I want to be so close to the Lord that he over takes me and does what he wants with me. I can’t get enough of him. Nothing else is satisfying. I told Randy not to take it the wrong way, but I would leave my family in a heartbeat if I could stay in that place where only the Lord is.
I guess I haven’t even began to talk about the weekend. I’ve just mentioned some of the fruit of being so deeply in his presence. I’m in love with Jesus.
Well, I left for the retreat ready to serve. I love teaching. It’s one of my most favorite things to do. It’s a gifting that the Lord has given me and I thoroughly enjoy it. I also love seeing women transformed and set free by Jesus so I was looking forward to the retreat. I hadn’t thought much about what I was going to get out of it. I really just planned to serve and I was happy about that.
I was hoping to leave the retreat with a lighter heart, but it wasn’t my main goal. My feelings, disappointments and fears about Miles had gotten out of control and I knew it. I felt myself before hand cover up my wounds and basically said off limits to the Lord about that issue. I was tired of being exposed at every meeting. I just wanted to serve. I did not want to bring up my issues again only to be disappointed with the results once again. I was giving the talk on repentance, and Miles was not mentioned one time in my talk. It felt so good when I was writing it that my issues about Miles were not brought up. I knew there were going to be several people there that didn’t know me so it was possible that I could just be a woman seeking Jesus. I didn’t have to be Miles’ mom during the retreat. Well, the Lord is too good to let me get away with all that.
The very first team meeting we had before the flames were registered I had a mind change. We were praying and I allowed myself to believe that all things were possible. I told the Lord that I would say yes to whatever he wanted from me. I told him that I refused to be the one to hold anyone back from what he wanted to do. I told him he had complete freedom to do in and though me whatever he wanted to do. I began to believe in the impossible, and looked forward to it. I felt like my heart was teachable, and ready for the Lord to have his way. It was a wonderful place to be.
That night when we were worshipping Cherith had a word that she felt like there were some of us that had lost all hope. She said that because of disappointments in life that we had decided that it hurt too bad to hope for good things and she asked us to lay down our hurts and disappointments and give them to the Lord. When she said those words I knew that I was totally one of those people. I laid down on the cold tiled floor and told God that I was giving him all my hurts. I told him that I needed him to come and heal me. I believe that he asked me if I would trust him. I said that I would. Then he asked me if I would add some things to my talk about Miles without writing them all down. He asked me if I would trust him to talk through me about that subject. I told him that I would, but it made me nervous.
That night I went to my room, and I was reading over my repentance talk because it was my turn to talk the next morning. I tried to read over it and see where I should insert the new parts about Miles. I tell you…the more I tried to read that talk the more I couldn’t understand it. I finally realized that I was trying to think of words to add so I put my talk back into the suitcase and chose to trust the Lord.
The next morning during the team meeting/soaking session Cherith got another word that the Lord was asking us to “go off the page” on our talks that day. She said that he had fresh and new things to talk about. When she said that it was the confirmation that I needed to be brave enough to let the Lord say what he wanted to say. It made me confident that I heard that Lord the night before.
Okay, well before I get further into my going off the page with my talk I would like to go back to the Thursday night and mention something about My Girl Jennifer! She gave the Talk/Testimony on having a teachable spirit. Whatever! I was like a proud mother sitting on the edge of my seat as I listened to her bare all in front of everyone. Her honesty and humor and raw emotion was as refreshing as it could be. The power that came from her testimony was enough to go home after hearing it. She said it all. The Lord makes beautiful what the enemy had planned for destruction. I think every one in the room was set free of something when Jennifer spoke. If it wasn’t freedom from sin then it was freedom from fear of man or free from a religious spirit. The talk was full of powerful freedom! It was hard for me to stay in my seat while I listened to her talk. My spirit wanted to fall face down before the Lord with thanksgiving for his love and grace. (deep cleansing breath)
Okay, so Friday morning we heard the Action talk from my true friend Rachel. In her own not bragging words…she knocked it out of the park! I loved watching her get set free with every word she spoke. She really did defeat the enemy with the word of her testimony. I was very proud of her for being brave and completely honest. There were many that needed to hear her words that morning.
After Miss Rachel it was my turn. I went to the prayer room to get prayed over before my talk and they messed me up! I was feeling pretty good before I went in there, but then the presence of the Lord was so thick in there that it was hard to breathe. As they were praying the Lord was preparing me for freedom. After I left there I had to run back to my room for a quick coat of makeup because it was all gone after their powerful prayers.
I got to the room where I was to talk, and the beginning of the talk went smashing. It was a light hearted explanation of what true and false repentance is. I had humor in all the right places. I was doing well until I knew where I was to insert the Lord’s additions to my talk. Then all humor was gone. I poured out my heart to those ladies about how consumed I was with unbelief. I gave them the quick story about what happened to Miles and then talked about how disappointments had brought such heaviness to my heart that I was basically walking around the last few months dead. I told them how the night before that I had just had the mind change that indeed all things are possible with God. I had gotten to the place where most things were possible with the God. More correctly I was at the place where all things were possible with God Except Healing Miles. It had taken too long. Too much time had passed. The night before I had changed my mind that I would trade my disappointments for his healing in my heart. It was a painful and beautiful thing to share all with my sisters. Like I said at the beginning…talking about Miles was the thing I wasn’t going to talk about. Not only did I talk about it I hid nothing. Thinking back on it now I don’t know if anyone else got anything from that segment of my talk, but I received healing from bondage. I was totally set free at that moment. I was free to believe in the impossible. I repented (changed my mind) of unbelief. I chose faith instead of circumstances. Oh what a joy to be set free. I was a captive of unbelief, and now I’m free free free! Thank you Lord. I tell you what…if I had received nothing else but that I would have been a happy woman, but that wasn’t good enough for my God. He had many other things planned for me.
After this talk and the time of repentance after it I got a major headache. I had not had a headache like that since several years before at my first BFW. My head pounded and my wanted to shut down, but my spirit begged for more.
More it got. Friday night was the worship talk. Ashley gave this talk and it was one of the most anointed (not in the over used sense of the word) teachings that I’ve ever heard. When Ashley went “off the page” it was incredible. It was like the Lord was begging us to desire and expect more. I was sitting there listening to Ashley and by the second I was more in awe of the Lord and his power. I was so ready to worship the Lord with everything in me. It felt like the Lord himself was calling us to worship him.
Our worship team was amazing! Oh my goodness! Okay, I hope this is a compliment…it’s meant to be. The all girl worship team was so good that I didn’t even notice they were girls! They were so on. The sound was without spot or wrinkle. I was totally amazed all weekend.
Okay, so I don’t have many details about how everyone else entered worship because I was too busy worshipping the Lord. I felt so free and so thankful for feeling so free. The first song that we sang used to spiral me into depression. It goes: Through you the blind will see. Through you the mute will sing. Through you the dead will rise. Through you our heart will praise. Through you the darkness flees. Through you (something something) I AM FREE! I am free to run (echo). I am free to dance (echo). I am free to live for you (echo). I am free. I am Free.
Anyway, from the very beginning I felt happy about the song instead of sad. I began to prophesy this song over Miles. I sang: Through you Miles will see. Through you Miles will sing. Through you the dead will rise. Through you our hearts will praise. Through you the darkness flees. Through you (something something) Miles is Free! Miles is free to run (echo). Miles is free to dance (echo). Miles is free to live for you (echo). Miles is free. Miles is free.
I felt so free singing those things about Miles that I went to Ginny and asked her to sing those with me. She agreed then I saw her say the same thing to Misty beside her and then Misty said that to the girl next to her. Next thing I knew someone got on a mic and said for us all to sing that song over Miles. We were singing and prophesying freedom to Miles body. It was wonderful.
It felt so good and powerful to be speaking those things out that I was overwhelmed and went falling backwards onto the floor. Earlier that day Jennifer was talking to me and she said something about how she hoped that no one fell on that cold hard tile floor because they would bust their head right open. I remember saying to her that the Lord would protect anyone who fell. I got to be the first one to test it out. The Lord took perfect care of me. I never felt hitting the floor. I just remember being too full of the Lord to stand up.
From there worship went on. People poured out their heart to the Lord. The women danced with everything they had. People were prophesied over. Healings took place. It went on for so long. It was long, but we could have stayed there forever it seemed. The worship team played for so long that either they needed a break or they were ready to enter into worship without “working”. A CD was put on and the worship team began to worship and enter into the prayers being offered up to God.
Deep breath…I’m about to be writing about the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I’m so excited! Lord, give me the words to express what took place.
Okay, like I said, the worship team was on break for the evening and I saw Tammie Coffman. When I saw her I had an idea pop into my head. I felt like I was supposed to or wanted to ask her to lay her hands on me and give me a double portion of her eloquent words. She seemed surprised at my request but at the same time excited and honored. You know Tammie, she was happy to do that. She laid her hands on my ears and began releasing a double portion of what she had upon me. She was recalling when she was a young woman that a lady laid hands upon her and released the gift of music on her.
So she was talking to the Lord and I remember starting to feel the presence of the Lord upon me. I was kind of hearing what she said, but I could feel myself being over taken by the Lord’s presence. THEN, Tammie started singing in the Spirit while she still had her hands on my ears. Oh my gosh!!!! There is no way to exaggerate the power that was upon me. Of course now I wasn’t thinking about any books I was going to write. I wasn’t thinking about how she was giving me a double portion of her words. I wasn’t thinking anything except how difficult is was to stand. The Lord’s presence was so heavy on my body. This is the best way I can describe it. I didn’t fall in one second. I seemed to be melting lower and lower. I was being over taken by how good the Lord was. I was engulfed in his goodness.
Finally I made it all the way down to the floor and that was it! I was over taken. You cannot convince me that I did not go to heaven! I was in his throne room before him. I did not see any pictures. I didn’t hear any words. I didn’t see any gold. I didn’t see anything. All I could “know” or “feel” was how good God was. I could only “see” how beautiful he was although I didn’t see him. It was completely spirit to spirit. I was wailing. I was overwhelmed with how good God was.
Listen, before this weekend I never really thought about heaven. I’ve tried to picture it, and when I do I always think about streets of gold and living in a mansion next to my friend Holli. Also, when I was a little girl I remember being at church and asking my Sunday School teacher if I could go fishing with Jesus in heaven and he told me that he thought it was possible. I thought that was cool at the time so that stuck with me. Anyway, that was about the extent of my heaven thinking.
I had also heard that we would worship God for all eternity. I didn’t think thought sounded boring although I heard from someone else that they thought that. I just thought that we would worship him but that we would also do other things. I thought with all of our fishing and angel work that we would have lots to do.
NO…I’m telling you that all of eternity will not be long enough to worship God. It will not be long enough. I no longer have desire for fishing or for mansion living. No, I only want to worship my Creator. I was before him and worshiping in a way I’ve never worshipped. I laid before him face down and just cried about how good he is. While I was before him there were no requests to be made. All I knew was that God was good and that he was beautiful. There was nothing more important then telling God how good he was. I had no awareness of such things as people or material. I didn’t no there was such things as buildings or people or me or past or present or future. There was only God and how perfect he is. That was what heaven was like for me. I couldn’t touch heaven. I couldn’t see it. I didn’t even really care to touch or see it. I was all consumed with God and how good he is. There was nothing else that mattered.
After being there for what seemed to me for an hour ended up being only 10 or 15 minutes. I remember slowly becoming aware again of where I was. I was not in a hurry to leave that place. I wanted to stay where there was only God. Slowly I realized where I was and then the crying stopped. I took deep breaths and made my way up to standing. There were others around me ministering to me but I could not tell you their names or what they were saying.
I remember making my way to the microphone and saying, “You cannot convince me that I was not in heaven.” Then I remember Krissy coming over to me and saying, “Impart it to us.”
After that everything becomes fuzzy and dream like. I have no vivid memories of what happened. I was a body and God took control of it. I’ve heard many stories about the night, and a few pictures of my own and I’ve tried to piece them together, but I don’t have a clear memory to tell you the next events. I guess I will have to rely on others and their wild stories.
From what I hear I would touch people and they would fall out in the spirit. Most of them went to heavenly places and saw different rooms or talked to God. I really need personal stories from others about what happened in this time. If you’re reading this and you went to heaven then it would be great for me if you would give me your personal encounter. Also, details about this time would be fantastic for me because I don’t remember it. When I picture it I can only see some things like a dream. When I try to explain them they don’t come out right because it gets foggy in my brain. This is what is so incredible for me. It was real! The Lord over took me. He used my body to do whatever he wanted to do! The stories that I have heard crack me up because of course I know I would never have chosen to do them on my own. Pregnant women were slain in the spirit to fall down on a hard tile floor. I knocked my own Mom down. I warred with demonic strongholds. I prophesied about babies and husbands. I have trouble even using the word “I” because “I” only know these things from what people have told me. Old women were slain in the spirit. They fell out of their chairs. Women that weren’t sure about the Holy Spirit were over taken by the power of God. How awesome is that?
Oh my goodness! It thrills me! I’m so happy! That night and several days after that I kept asking God why he chose me to do that for him. It blessed me so much! It could have been any of us, but he used me. I didn’t get a great answer of revelation on why he used me, but I’ve been asking for more of it every day! I say the wilder the better as long as it’s God and it’s full of his power! More Lord! I want everything! I want to be used by you daily! I cannot live a life without your presence.
Here’s something amazing and faith building for me. I can’t remember what happened after I walked to the mic and said that I could not be convinced that I didn’t go to heaven. Everything after that is foggy and has big parts missing. I’ve heard stories, and I have a few pictures of my own, but I more than anyone know that it was real. I don’t have to be convinced. I didn’t have to work anything up. I was consumed by the Lord! That thrills me!
For the rest of the night I stumbled around in a fog. I talked to people or tried to anyway, but more than anything I just wanted to lay back down and go back to heaven. I shared a room with Rachel, Trish and Jennifer. That night after I slept off a little bit on my drunkenness from the Lord I joined in their conversation about the evening. They had me cracking up with their stories. My favorite one was when I touched Ashley and before she fell down she said, “I’m pregnant!” and down she went. I laughed so hard that I flipped out of my bed on to the floor. I laughed so hard at their stories that the people next door to us banged on our wall to be quiet. Trish banged right back.
I finally went to bed, and asked the Lord for dreams. I didn’t even want to leave his presence while I slept. Saturday morning we all got up and made our way to our morning soaking session before we began to minister. I told the other team members that the night before was the best night of my whole life. I didn’t remember a whole lot of it, but it was still the best night of my whole life. It was better than my wedding day. It was better than the birth of my children, but I still wanted more! With a thankful heart I asked the Lord for more. No longer can I live for one great moment. I can’t live on yesterday’s time with the Lord. I need him more every day. I need to be in his presence every day. With a thankful heart I ask you for more God! How disappointing it would be ten years from now if I look back at this previous weekend and think about how it was the best weekend of my life. I want there to be so many weekends, middle of the afternoons, mornings and lunch breaks filled with the glory of God that this past weekend is just one of a million to be thankful for.
The first talk on Saturday morning was the grace talk given by Tammie. I was sitting in my chair in the back of the room with my table, and I could barley sit there. The tones in her voice was a reminder of the night before and I had chills and goose bumps all over my body. I wanted to slip out of my chair and lay on the floor and be taken off to heavenly places while I listened to her voice. I didn’t hear much of her talk.
Saturday afternoon rocked! Ginny gave a talk on faith. I mean the talk on faith. It seemed like everyone was on the edge of their seat. Before her talk the prayer team was overwhelmed with the presence of God. The anticipation of her talk was exciting. By this time I had ears to hear what she had to say. I was in so much unbelief when I heard the preview of her talk that it sounded like jibber jabber to me. I didn’t get it. My eyes were blinded. This time I sat back and just received what she had to say. After her talk she had an impartation time. She had already laid her hands upon several people to impart faith and they had fallen sweetly to the floor. There were women behind them ready to catch them. After Ginny’s talk she played a soaking song for us to listen to. In the song there was a woman that sang something about laying down pain. She was singing from the perspective of the Lord and he was saying that he was going to take away all my pain. He said that he would take away the pain so deeply that I wouldn’t even remember my pain. He also said that he wasn’t going to give me a new pain. When I heard those words unspoken fear was broken off of me. Secretly this whole time I’ve had a crazy fear. I thought that after Miles was totally and completely well that there was going to be some other huge trial to strike our family. A few times I even thought that the place I was at with Miles was at least safe. At least I knew what to expect. At least Miles is the cutest little boy that everyone loves. That’s a lot better than some of the things that other people have to go through. Anyway, when I heard those words it was truth to my spirit. The Lord is not going to replace my pain with Miles for a new pain. He will not.
So after hearing that and processing that for awhile I peeled myself off the floor to go get the impartation from Ginny. It was the funniest thing. Last year and this year at the meeting Ginny and I have had such strange conflict. It was the collision of faith and fear or faith and the natural colliding when we were together. When I went to get the impartation I was free from all fear and unbelief. When I touched her it was like a lighting bolt hit us. I felt a real manifestation of the Lord stitching us together. So did she. When that happened we both went crashing down. Ginny fell on me and I was stuck to the floor. We both believe that the Lord has a plan for us to work together. He has made a special relationship for us that he will use in a mighty way. That’s way exciting.
Okay, so after that the Baptism of the Holy Spirit talk was up. Becky, our sweet Becky was so sick! On the first day of the BFW she was told that she had strep throat. We were all so devastated. Becky had worked so hard on the whole BFW. She had so many details of the BFW that made it special. Francesca had taken over being the weekend pastor and of course she was perfect for the job. She is a natural leader. If you didn’t know that Becky couldn’t make it you would have never known that Francesca wasn’t supposed to be the pastor, but I knew. Everything was perfect but there was a huge hole where Becky was missing. Becky adds flare, power and excitement. I was sorry that she missed the Hero song. That was her passion. Anyway, she did show up to give her talk on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Oh my gosh she rocked. I’ve never heard her speak with so much authority or passion. That’s a pretty big statement because she always speaks with authority and passion. She was riled up. Her words were anointed by God’s spirit. It was incredible. I was sitting in my seat and asking the Lord to baptize me with the Holy Spirit again!
After she finished preaching with everything she had it was time to baptize women with the Holy Spirit. It was on! Kathy and I were on a team praying for people, and these women were starving for everything the Lord had. It was so refreshing. They ran to the front to be baptized or for a fresh drink from the Holy Spirit. Some women laughed, some wept, some laid on the floor completely still and others were dancing. It was a beautiful and powerful thing.
Next was break and when I was hanging out with my girlfriends in our room there was a knock on the door. It was Annell. She needed to talk to me. I went out there and she showed me her leg. It was swollen and had red splotches on it. It looked pretty rough. She told me that she was out walking and she got bit by a spider. I was about to pray for her and then in my head I was thinking that I would get some Benidryl for her from Trish. As I was about to pray for her she told me that she couldn’t take Benidryl because of other medications she was taking. This put a different spin on things. Her leg looked pretty bad. It had actually swelled more while we were talking. I decided that God was just going to have to heal her. I put my hand on her and commanded that her body be healed. Poison had no control or authority over her body. Even as I prayed the swelling went down. I saw her less than an hour later at the cafeteria and there was no swelling or red spots. She came over to me excited about her leg. Praise the Lord! That was awesome!
Next up was the covenant talk. Krissy did such a great job. Some things she talked about I’m having to apply right now. The talk was great. I got a lot out of it so when it came to our last table time I was without doubt that it would go well. I was wrong. The enemy hit my table hard with confusion and distractions. I ended up having to get Krissy to come over and explain to my ladies what she was talking about in some areas of her teaching. It was not that Krissy did a poor job of explaining it was because covenant was so important to the women at my table that the enemy tried to offend them and confuse them. After Krissy cleared up a few things other distractions happened so I made everyone be quiet while I gave them a short version of my covenant talk from last year. I did not give them time to respond. I told them what covenant was and that it was important. Then I sent them on their way.
This was hard because this was the last table time that we had together before the special service where I was supposed to wash their feet, prophesy over them and pray for them. Now, this BFW was different. We had so many impartations that there were only two table discussion times. I didn’t realize how heavily I relied on those table times for the foot washing service. I would take mental notes during those discussions and bring them back up during my prayer time when I washed their feet. This time I had nothing. As a matter of fact at our team meeting before the foot washing service I told Francesca that I was pretty sure that the people at my table disliked me.
During worship I had the best revelation! I realized that I had nothing to offer the women at my table. I had nothing on my own that could change their lives or bring wholeness to them. I did have Jesus to offer them! I was so excited at this no brainer information! During worship I told the Lord that I was completely his to use to minister to the women at my table. I told him that I refused to manufacture anything with them. I told him to use me how ever he wanted. I released all control over the situation. I felt so free! I didn’t have to worry about how everything went. I didn’t have to worry that someone would be mad about having to take off their shoes. I didn’t have to worry that I wouldn’t have anything to say. I just expected the Lord to show up. He did!
I love how we did the special service this year! It was so powerful to my table! After we had communion I asked one lady to sit on the chair in the middle. Then I told the ladies what we were going to do. I released them to prophesy over the lady in the seat and to speak encouraging words over her. I suggested that someone could play with her hair or massage her shoulders. I honestly had no idea about how all that would work, but it was incredible how the next hour went! Those ladies jumped right in there and were so loving to each other. They played with her hair, they had words of knowledge, scriptures that pierced the heart and encouraging words that melted the hardest of hearts. Each lady got a turn in the seat. Here’s the greatest thing…I didn’t have so say much at all. I washed feet and got to watch the Lord work first hand. It was incredible. I loved it. Those women really were full of love for one another AND for me. My goodness…when it was my turn Jennifer washed my feet, two girls massaged my hands, one girl played with my hair and rubbed my shoulders and one girl washed me with the word. It was so refreshing. I guess the girls at my table did like me. That was a bonus. Here’s the deal though, I wasn’t offended at the thought that they didn’t like me. I wasn’t so concerned that it made me feel inferior. I just loved them and offered them Jesus. It was a huge lesson for me.
After the foot washing ceremony we had a time of worship. Right when I went to go worship a girl from my table told me that she needed to talk to me. We went and sat up against a wall and she began to tell me that she needed to be baptized by the Holy Spirit but she was scared of the Holy Spirit. She came to the conclusion over the weekend that the Holy Spirit was real. She also came to the conclusion that she was full of fear. She also came to the conclusion that she was full of fear of the Holy Spirit. I talked to her very gently and told her that the Holy Spirit was a gentleman and that he would not force himself upon her. I told her that if she wanted to be baptized in the Holy Spirit that we could sit right where we were and she could invite him into her. I told her that we didn’t need to scream or yell or have 7 people lay hands on her to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit all she had to do was invite him into her. I think she wanted me to push the issue, but I could not. I told her that I was available to her if she wanted me to pray with her. I told her that she could come and get me if she wanted me, but I left her there with a choice to make. I’m not sure if she did it on her own. She did not come and get me. I was disappointed at first, but I believe a seed was planted in her that will not return void.
After our special service Francesca gave us the closing talk. What a power house she is! I think every one of this weekend looked at her and wanted to be more like her. She is fierce and beautiful. She’s confident and bold. Her words flow freely and her authority is easy to follow. I was so proud of her and Becky. They really did prefer one another during the weekend. Francesca led in a way that honored Becky, and Becky handed over the reigns of the weekend in a way that honored Francesca and the Lord. It was such a godly example of how women working together without fear or insecurity can change lives. I think anyone who has watched their relationship over the years (like myself) was truly inspired at how well they pulled off the weekend. It was one of the best parts of the weekend. The order was pleasing to the Lord, and we all benefited from it.
Well, Francesca closed the weekend with her talk, and it was perfect of course. When Francesca speaks I just want to be more like her. She holds nothing back. She withholds nothing. Her stories are personal and they make your heart tender. I wanted to run out and buy her that house she talked about. Listening to her reminds me of how the Lord can use our childhood dysfunction and turn our ashes into beauty. I know he has done that for me. It was the perfect ending. She spoke from her heart. Her Francesca heart. I don’t think I could ever be bored listening to her speak.
So after that was testimony time. It was shorter and stranger than usual. I think our countenance change was enough testimony in itself. I think this is the first BFW that I wasn’t dying to go home by the end of it. I wanted to stay in the all day love feast with the Lord. I was so concerned that I was going to get home and it would be just another retreat high without lasting change. It made me sick to think of the possibility.
I went to church that morning begging the Lord to have his way. I think if we had a normal service of a few songs, announcements, offering and a word then I would have vomited and died. Maybe I wouldn’t have died physically, but spiritually something would have died. That did not happen. Church was so incredible! Intercessory prayer was incredible! I mean my goodness…I was slain in the spirit before 9:00 in the morning. It proved very hard for me to stay on my feet during the whole service. My husband came to church and I was a little concerned about how he would accept the outrageous changes that the Lord had made in me. It turns out that he likes them. I’m a wild girl for Jesus. I can’t get enough of him or from him. I want everything. I want to be with him instead of eating. I want to be with him instead of watching movies. I want to be with him instead of mindlessly looking at the computer. I want everything he has for me. I can’t seem to get enough. I want to visit heaven again! I want to see the unseen. I want to be used to display his glory and power. I want to be a wild spirit led girl. I’ve been begging for the Lord to do whatever he wants with me. I’m ruined for anything else. Nothing satisfies like Jesus. He healed my broken heart. He set free this captive. When I’m with him nothing else matters. Everything else fades away. I look forward to being with him for all eternity. Oh heaven is a sweet sound to my ear. I was listening to a teaching from Patricia King yesterday and she was talking about raising the dead. She wants to raise the dead. She wants us to raise the dead, but she said something funny on there. She said that she has already told her friends and family that if she dies that she does not want them to raise her from the dead. She said that she has been to heavenly places and she will not want to return after she gets there. She has tasted and seen and she will be happy to be with Jesus. I feel the same way. When I die I ask that I’m not raised from the dead. I’ve tasted and seen and I desire to be with Jesus when he takes me home. I have no fear of death. I will live heaven on earth and then live heaven in heaven. Death has no sting.
What else can I say? I’m in love with Jesus Christ!

7 comments:

Kevin said...

Brandi,

This is so awesome! I know you went into Heaven! I can remember my first time I saw the Eye of God, and the angel wrapped me in a cloak of his Glory. I was spent, and ruined. For weeks I went into soaking over anything else. Being in the presence of the Lord is so amazing.

I had some amazing soaking presence over this weekend! The Lord's presence is so sweet!

Francesca said...

I read it, all! WooHoo, I did it. And you described it beautifully. I was humbled and awed at the way you described me. Thank you. I love you so much and I can't wait to go to Cali with you.

Ashlee said...

I read it all and I truly wished I had been there. It is so exciting to hear what the Lord is doing.

Pamelotta said...

I read it too! While Elliott stood over me saying, "Come to bed....come to bed....come to beeeeeeeed." I just couldn't leave until I finished it all! (You should have put some secret code word smack dab in the middle of it so we could get prizes!)

Disclaimer: This could be the longest comment on record.

A quick account of what happened to me while you were knocking people down on the floor...I had laid down already at the front of the room so I could soak a little, but before I could really relax, I heard this wailing from the back of the room. Someone saying, "It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful." Then more crying. I couldn't figure out who it was. Then I started to think about how beautiful Jesus really is and after a while I noticed a kind of commotion going on in the back. Normally I would try to ignore it and keep my focus, but I'm just too weak and easily distracted. I sat up on my elbows and saw you "sauntering" around (only word that describes what I saw) telling women how georgeous they were and touching their foreheads and then watching them go crashing to the ground. You know it's real when you see someone who's been eyeing this whole Spirit thing all weekend go down in flames without even having a chance to consider whether they beleive all of it or not! With each woman you would get more excited. You just started going after people. It was amazing to watch. You started winding your way around bodies to the front where I was and I thought, "Oh, she's coming this way. What should I do? Should I stand up and get some of that? I'll end up right here where I already am. Do I want to jump up just before she gets here so she can send me right back down here? At this point, I had been laughing for I don't know how long so, like an idiot, I grabbed your pant leg as you passed by me. What was I thinking? You were Jesus and I was gonna reach out and grab your cloak? Anyway, I felt stupid for a split second then it was back to laughing again. I ended up going to heaven with everyone else and going on a shopping spree for all the stuff my family and I needed. All in all, it was one of the coolest things that I have ever experienced.

One of the things I remember the most is Krissy saying, "Go into the rooms of heaven and get what you want. If you need new skin, go into the skin room. I picture it on rolls and you can pretty much pick out whatever color you need. He's still creating people at this very moment so He's got plenty of it!" That was hilarious!

God's Warrior Bride said...

How could you not read it all? I went to this BFW fully expecting God to physically manifest Himself. And He did.

As I watched you get up, go to the mic, and then begin walking through the room, I got so excited. I couldn't decide if I should stand or sit down. After all if you did touch me I would fall out and the last thing Doug told me was not to fall on my knee! The closer you got to me my heart started racing. I felt like a little kid in class holding my hand up going - OO! OO! Touch Me! Touch Me! But you never had the opportunity bacause I fell out when you just walked by me. And I landed on my bottom. Doug didn't say I shouldn't fall on that. And I was immediately in heaven, in the presence of my God.

After my time in heaven the next thing I remember is feeling the mist in the room and thinking how refreshing it was. All I could do is breath it in.

PRINCESS BRIDE said...

Brandi thank you so much for writing the longest blog ever. Reading it touched me so deeply. I was not there to experiance the bfw with everyone but reading your account of the weekend makes my spirit feel like I was there.

Bloomin' Cactus said...

I, too, finished the whole thing. What an awesome account of the whole weekend!!! How you described everyone and their talks was so right!!

I am so excited for you!!!