Saturday, February 10, 2007

Long Winded Post...Grab a snack before you start reading this one.

Botox went well the other day. He had 8 to 10 injections in his upper body. Hopefully by Monday we will be able to tell a difference in his body tone. While Dr. Marks was getting the injections ready he made a funny/disturbing comment about how a big batch of bacteria was brewed and then the poison was harvested, and that was about to be injected into Miles.
Here’s something interesting. Dr. Marks said that this was only the second batch of Botox ever brewed. The first batch that was made had to be approved by the FDA, and then when the second batch was made it had to be approved by the FDA. I thought that was interesting. If “they” the medical field, are just now on the second batch…that had to be one large first batch.
Anyway, Miles did just fine. It wasn’t the most fun appointment for him, but I believe it will be worth it. I comforted myself by thinking if I were in his position that I would want to go through a little pain to get relief.

So, that’s the Botox update.

What I really want to talk about is some things that Randy and I were talking about on the way home from Ft. Worth.

You know I’ve talked about which would be better:
A: Miles instantly healed as in running around and saying Mama.
B: One day he just starts over and we get to see his ‘First” everything.

Well, Randy and I were on that subject again to pass our very familiar Ft. Worth trip. New topics were talked about this time. You will just have to try to follow my thoughts here. I really wish I had the conversation recorded so I could transfer all our thoughts, but of course I don’t so I’m going to try to make sense of them here.

Before we started talking about all this I was listening to one of my new favorite songs called Big Enough. It’s by Ayiesha Woods. The chorus is: I don’t want to box you in. You’ve been doing big things since the world began. Sometimes I just don’t understand that you’re big enough.
So, as I was listening to that song I was thinking about the new brain that Becky spoke over Miles. I was thinking about all that means. A brain is well, it’s a brain. It controls everything. Do you know that Miles has low body temperature because his brain doesn’t regulate it properly? Miles feet are purple a lot of times because his spine has taken over his legs where the brain doesn’t work properly. The brain does everything. I’m sure you know that. So, anyway, back to the song. As I was thinking about the song and thinking about the new brain and what that all meant. A fear of mine is that Miles will get a new brain and then he won’t know who Randy, the kids and I are. I getting to think that it might be freakish to have this little boy running around that doesn’t know us. Anyway, so I kick that thought out by thinking how big God is, and that I’m sure he has everything under control. I’m sure that he will make sure that Miles knows that we have taken care of him for the past two years. I’m sure he will remember how we love him and how we smell. I say I’m sure, but I don’t know if that’s true. It’s a valid thing to think about. Would his new brain have all that left over love info or does that sort of thing stay with his soul or spirit? Makes you wonder doesn’t it? I mean we’re not talking about him growing back an arm.

So, I was already thinking about those things when Randy brought up the topic with a new twist. He was thinking about how if Miles was totally healed and running around would he know everything he should know at the age of 2 and a half or would he have to learn everything. Would Miles know that we sit down when we eat? Would he know how to connect toys together? Would he know that when we go somewhere that we go in a car? Or would we have this 2 and a half year old that has to be taught how to behave? Both ways seems strange. I always thought that Miles would know how to eat instantly, but does that make sense? Deep breath. There’s more to this madness.
Okay, what about if Miles one day just starts over? What if tomorrow at church he gets a new brain and then for the next year he does his first year over? What if in 6 months he begins to crawl and do all that, and then he just eventually catches up to other kids his age? Doesn’t that sound awesome? I love thinking about seeing all of his “Firsts”. It would be like a weekly miracle. Every time he did something new I would be like a new Mom telling everyone. No, I will probably be worse than any new Mom! Excitement would over take me. Here’s the thing with that idea. If it was a one day start over what would happen to the damage that has already happened to his body? Would his tone loosen up? Would his circulation work properly? Would his body have to work the damage out eventually or would it be instant? My brain hurts thinking about how much my brain analyzes these things.
Then I remembered what Alan Vincent said when he prayed over Miles. He told us that he knew that Miles was going to be okay. He said he felt it in his spirit and in his bones. He prayed that Miles would catch up quickly to his peers.
That sounds like a starting over kind of healing to me.
Okay, but then I had some new revelation.
I started thinking about how I don’t really like saying that I want Miles to be healed. I really like to ask that Miles will be totally restored. I began to think about restoration, and I thought that to be restored to something means that it is put back to the way it was. Miles was two months old when his brain was damaged. Does being totally restored mean that his brain would be restored to the two month stage? Will God restore his brain where it was when all this happened and then he will go from there? I thought about how earlier during “the day” he was lying down on my bed and he just started recognizing me and smiling at me. I grabbed my camera and took several pictures of him smiling at me. Getting that film developed later tore my heart out because I knew those beautiful pictures of him smiling were on the roll. Anyway, that was my revelation about being restored. I never thought about it like that. I’ve always thought when I prayed for total restoration that I was praying for him to be brought up to date of where he should be. I was thinking about restoration as given back everything that he should have. But, that doesn’t really make sense to me now. I pictured an old car that has been restored and I picture it looking brand new like it did when it was made. I guess you could make over an old car and install lots of modern technologies in it, but it wouldn’t be called a restored car. (Please bear with me. I know this is a lot of deep in the cream sort of thoughts.)

So, there’s a taste of my thoughts concerning the area of Miles’ healing. It’s just a minute compared to all the thoughts I have about the subject. Of course I know that the Lord is going to do it the way he has planned to do it. Of course I have to believe that he is a good God and he knows what the very best scenario is, and I probably haven’t even thought of it yet. I know that no matter how God heals Miles that I’m going to know that it is perfect, and I will celebrate like I never have before. I guess I’m sharing these things to get them on paper and to also share with all of you the sheets and sheets of data that goes through my head regularly. Also, I would like to know what direction to pray for specifically. I want to have a target to shoot for in my prayers.
You know, this morning I was thinking about all of you. I was thinking about how this thing has tested every relationship that I have, and my relationship with each of you has been tested with fire and each of you have come out beautifully. For that I am truly thankful


A-lauf said...

thank you for sharing you thoughts. All I can say is "His ways are higher than our ways". I have often thought about how my arm will be restored, but I really can't even fathom that with my pea brain. God has a HUGE imagination. Just look at all of Creation. from the ocean floor to the stars. WOW! I could have never thought of that.

Ashlee said...

I meant to comment on this yesterday...I can totally understand all the things you were thinking. Although not in your shoes I have pondered some of the same thoughts about Miles' healing...I think Aaron is right though, God is very creative and He will do it just the right way.

JesusFreak said...

Oh my gosh, Brandi! This is so amazing! You know when I was holding Miles on Sunday? (of course you do) I was thinking about him being healed and I just felt it so deep in me that he is going to be. I was also thinking of how it would be when he is healed. I had a vision in my mind I saw a line, a straight line that had been interrupted and started flowing up but then was brought back down and connected to the same exact spot where it had been interrupted at and then continued on in a straight line. That was how I saw Miles' healing, or better yet, restoration.